Sunday, January 30, 2005

Suprise, suprise.

Well, I got a phonecall from a friend at home tonite...while there were many suprises in the conversation, it was overall a good call..and i got to hear Under the Sea twice. How cool is that? Anyway, I am super excited about all of the great things I learned. Someone is pregnant (not me). Someone is moving away. Someone is reading the Bible regularly. Oh, in a related matter, someone (besides stevi) keeps damaging a car. Anyway, there were a few more, but its not for me to spread the word.

So heres some boring stuff--i applied for a high school special ed (Emotional, conduct) aide position...but during the interview found out they may hire an aide for their school psychologists..and would I be more interested it that...OBVIOUSLY. So while I will still be considered for the crappy job i didn't want, I will definately be considered if they decide to hire an aide for the psychologists. So I was excited about that.

My scottie has an interview in catlin on monday. I am always afraid of getting my hopes up and then him not getting it..i think its harder for him that way. But Kokomo isn't forever, so if we have to tough it out a few more big deal (even though I would like him to get this job, since its an hour closer to home!) He has decided to wear a tie, which is a good thing, since small towners like that sorta thing. I want him to wear the mickey tie, but he doesnt really have much that goes with it.

I have a cold sore on my bottom lip. It was one sore, but has now spread into a grotesque mass of several small blisters. And they hurt. I hate winter. Oh, did I mention its snowing AGAIN???

Sunday, January 23, 2005

Deep thought...

Ok. thats a lie. I do have some deep thoughts, and if you're really lucky, I will post soon. We'll see how i feel.

So, friday I went home (YAY) saw my parents and one of my grandmas...then I went with Katie to get a new wedding dress (the one she originally bought was umm..the wrong size) and pick out my bridesmaids dress. I picked one exactly like the one I had in Mollys wedding-there was one more similar to the one from rachels wedding which i would have prefered, except the back was all jacked up as part of the design-it had some crazy buttons down the back and these funny flaps with sequins that was umm..tacky. So yeah. We had some panera, laughed and talked about life.

Something I need to bring to everyones attention: In Kokomo, kids go to school on Martin Luther King, Jr day. The black students are excused for the day(doesn't count against them) and life goes on pretty much as normal. The only school that was closed was the center schools (we have 4 districts around the kokomo area) because they have a larger black student population. Does anyone else think that this is totally ridiculous? I was personally displeased to learn this...displeased putting it mildly. The community has some celebratory stuff to honor the day (and theres no mail) but the kids go to school. I don't like the message that sends at all. However, due to all of the snow days, the kids are all going on Presidents day as well...not that I agree with that either, but hey.

Work has been crazy, I feel like I work at the paramount (sigh) only without the benefit of a computer system.

Oh well..thats all my news. Thanks for stopping by.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Sleep, how I long for thee.

Ok. So for like the last 2 weeks, I haven't been able to go to sleep even if I try to go to bed at a decent hour (for us this is approximately 1 am) However, I have no problem sleeping ALL FREAKING DAY and then the cycle repeats itself. Well cycle, I have you fooled. I have a lovely day planned. I am going to play on the computer, take a shower, call the Red Cross. Around 9:30 or so, Im gonna head down to the kokomo center schools and apply to substitute teach (provided that they don't make me get yet another TB test-i just dont have the money for that). THen I am going to come the 12 and 1 o'clock judging amy on TNT. After this, I will perhaps take a small nap (poor body-it would probably like to really go to bed at this time) and then go into work around 6. I don't work until around 8, but hey--its a fun place to hang out (BE JEALOUS-all of you). Then I will work, watch the movie, be home by midnite, and finally be able to sleep. How happy is that?? The other option is of course going to bed now, and forcing myself to get up. Thats the harder way.

In other news, AOL is experiencing technical difficulties and I cannot check my mail.

I played paper mario again tonite (the first time since before christmas) and well...I got past the part I was stuck at-all by myself. No one has helped me at all...except scott watches me play sometimes, which we all know, having someone watch can be helpful...but seriously--im gonna do it on my own. I played for like 3 hours. Stupid video games. They rot your brain.

Also, scottie has installed some insulation plastic on some of our downstairs windows and it has much improved our quality of life. My husband says it can't really be getting warmer--but in fact, after a slightly warmer (rainy) day today it did warm up in our apartment to a balmy 68. Without me turning the heat on. Before the installation of the insulation (thats fun) it was at best 62 without the heat on. So yes, it is in fact even making us a little warmer...which I am grateful for...we need to save all the money we can on heat in order to be able to pay for all of the other things we have become accustomed to (internet, cell phones). No worries folks. We won't let it get to the point where those would be our options.

Man, I'm rambling. Guess I'll go find something else to do.

Friday, January 14, 2005

Thats older than most people think.

I found this on melanies livejournal, and i thought it was kinda fun. :) Oh, and to go along with it, one of my co-workers thought i was 19. Tada.

You Are 22 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

In Good Company

Terrific story. Not so terrific, the kids sitting behind us who have no idea about real life. (not that the movie was real life, but still)

Special thanks goes out to my friend Dax. I wish that we still spent summers crying in the showers and being scared about life together. Your call was much needed and loved. I hate that we grow up and lose touch. Scottie says its too cold on the east coast...but a visit would be alright :) I am sure we need it, its just finding the time (and having the money to be able to take off)

Rachel and Stevi, I love you both dearly, and I think that we all should say screw our schedules and find time to meet. There's just no way around it...we've been apart too long, and we all (the fab 4) have heartaches and adventures to discuss. Lets stop being too busy and just make some time. Even if we have to drive early in the morning and late into the night for a few hours of fun. I don't know, but lets do it!

In other news, I saw one of the Shiloh teens today--she's one that really needs someone to love her, and shes just not getting it. I also visited Jen at work, went grocery shopping, and considered going to find a job. Soon. I promise. OH, and I accidentally squirted some taco bell hot sauce onto my sweater. :)

Sunday, January 09, 2005

I can't do anything...

I'm dumb. I can't figure out how to post pictures. Jeremy would be way disappointed in my lack of HTML ability.'s FROSTY!

Snow, snow snow.

So, I went to a little party last night, it was a lot of fun, and I had a fantastic time. I was thankful for having people that I now know in Kokomo. What makes it even better is that next week we get to hang out with Molly and Brian. Yay for that--I love those kids. Of course, all of this is a little bittersweet, because our days in Kokomo are hopefully coming to an end soon. I almost wish we were moving by Evan and Liz, because they are some cool folks. However, I doubt that will happen, and besides, I would also like to live by Stevi or Erika (but shes moving) or Rachel and Joel (but they will probably move soon too).

I suppose I should start looking for another job. I just don't know where to look of what to do. I would really like to go back to school, but that seems silly, until I have more direction. And if only we knew how long we would be here...that would make finding a job more of an enjoyable task as well.

My husband and I are going to finish building a snowman. I am so glad he likes to play as much as I do. So I must be off, to frolic in the midnite snow..if you all are lucky, I'll post pictures of it soon!

Saturday, January 08, 2005

Everybody hurts....sometimes...

So, first and foremost, I agree with Natalie..there is probably more than one truth. I could tell the whole story again, and everything is different. I remember a lot of my hurt and anger during the wedding summer coming from setting a date, and then having someone else decide they were also going to get married --the week before. I remember spraining my ankle and taking a 9 hour car trip to be ignored the week before my wedding..a weekend I should have stayed home to deal with my ankle, and finish some things for my wedding. I remember a constant complaint about the dress, and someone arriving over 45 minutes late to rehearsal during the very last run through. The run through which followed prayer and discussion with the pastor over what to do with about the missing bridesmaid. While I do feel a great deal of regret at not being able to be a comfort when I was perhaps needed several months ago, I had not disappeared or forgotten anyone, in the fact that my email address hasn't changed in over 8 years, and my parents have had the same phone number for 10. I did ask one other person about what had happened, because I got little to no response.

While I don't elaborate on tears or anger in my abridged version, I believe the tension began long before a decision about who should be in any wedding. I think the tension began when, the fall of our senior year of high school, there was a discussion about where home truly was--and how easy it was to disregard the feelings of those who were at "home".

My honest opinion, NONE OF IT MATTERS. Everyone gets their feelings hurt, things happen that we don't agree with...and we all feel abandoned at different times. However, to say that anyone is more wrong would I think belittle the feelings of the other. Had I known that so much was still building up on the other end, perhaps a resolution would have been made sooner, apologies made, tears exchanged and love mended. I can admit to having hurt feelings, and to hurting others. It can only be resolved as we let go...and that takes effort from everyone...I had let go of many of these things a long time ago, and in the retelling, perhaps thats why I lack emotion--not because there wasn't any, but because I had forgiven it.

This is probably the last I have to say on the subject, because no matter how many retellings of a story there are, no one will be able to agree on any single truth, and neither party will know the feelings of the other. To you, I say I'm sorry--you are loved, and have never been forgotten. I was where you were and had I known when it happened, I would have done anything to hold your hand. You are loved, no matter what you think. The decisions I made came no easier for me than for you, I just hid it better. So, maybe its all out, maybe its not, but I am going to put it into the past, leave it forgiven, and wonder what happens next.