Thursday, April 28, 2005
Of course in thinking about all of this, i can't help but think about how lazy our generation is. If we don't get what we want, we sit around and wait until we can get it. we've stopped setting goals, and looking for ways to improve our every day quality of life. I complain about wanting to lose weight, but instead of applying a little bit of discipline and not eating all that candy, i prefer to just wish it away. In Kokomo, instead of trying to get involved and meet new people, all I did was whine and complain and watch tv. I didn't want to be there, and allowed myself to be miserable instead of putting in effort to try and enjoy it. Its a wonder we're capable of feeling anything. Its a terrible depression, and it sneaks up on you until you are sleeping and watching tv, and eating chips and wishing your life was completely different. Catlin has been so much better. Part of that is because we now have Rachel and Joel right down the street. we'll be lucky if they're still there a year from now. But its also been better because I am trying to make it better. I am substitute teaching, and actually talking to people about getting involved. I am making an effort to just be nice, and really trying to get to know people. Not as the youth pastors wife, but as someone on a journey, sincerely caring about those i come into contact with. This isn't directed at anyone, but rather a reflection on how things need to change in my life.
I love you. I see your hurt and have no idea how to make it better. I'm just slightly too far away and the fact that you open up to me means more than you know. If it were up to me, I would make it all better. I would help you and encourage you the way I keep saying I will. I would call you or email you every day to hold you to your disciplines. I am sorry I am failing you. I want you to be happy. I want you to feel loved. I want you to belong, and feel accepted and enjoy this part of our journey. I will try harder. I will do what I can, if you let me.
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Thursday, April 21, 2005
[spell your first name backwards]: aras
[Aim/yahoo User name]: cuteduck223
[The story behind your user name]: well, my mom picked it when she set up accounts-but i am cute, like ducks and 223 is the anniversary of my birth
[Where do you live?]: Catlin, Illinois
[Wallet]: it's one of those olivet ones-its purple. and a little faded.
[Jewelry worn daily]: watch, hairties, wedding ring, and ring from valentines day
[Piercings]: ears only please and thank you
[What you are wearing now]: dallas YS shirt and jeans
[Wishing]: no debt. :) vacation
[Talking to]: rachel, scottie
[Eating]: hot'n spicy pork rinds
[something you're looking forward to in the upcoming month] WICKED! May 3rd
[The last thing you ate?]: before my pork rinds? part of a candy bar. i have the best eating habits EVER
[Something that you are deathly afraid of?]: darkness
[Do you believe in love]: yeah baby!
[Do you believe in soul mates]: sure :)
[Do you believe in love at first sight]: crazy-but i spose its in the realm of possibility
[Do you believe in forgiveness]: yes 100%
[What's something you wish you could understand better?]: Scripture
[Anyone you miss that you haven't seen in a long time?]: April
The Last Time You:
[Got sick]: all the time
[Ate]: all the time
[Kissed someone]: few minutes ago
[Felt stupid]: this is also a regular occurance--theres just so much i don't know
[Told someone you loved them]: earlier tonite
[Moved on]: yeah. im not great at that.
[Talked to an ex]: we'd need to define ex.
[had a serious talk]: last nite
[Hugged someone]: a few minutes ago
[Fought with your parents]: Not for a while...we get along pretty well
[Done something your parents said not to}: dont remember
[Would you rather be with friends or on a date?]: dating friends? im usually out with my regular posse(joel, rachel, scottie) and i like them just fine.
[Where is the best hangout?]: IGA parking lot--no--umm..probably a theatre.
[Who do you like being around?]: nice people.
[Who do you argue the most with?]: scottie.
[Who do you always get along with?]: joel.
[Who do you trust the most?]: the most? the posse.
[Makes you laugh the most?]: all of them
[Has been there through all the hard times?]: posse
[has the coolest parents?]: i dunno.
[Has the coolest siblings?]: rachel
[Is the most blunt?]: umm..depends on the situation
[Is the smartest?]: scottie
[Who is your role model?]:
[Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with?]: yeah...but paul rudd still doesn't return my letters
[Have you ever cried over the opposite sex?]: what girl hasnt??
[Ever wanted to get revenge on someone because they hurt you]: yeah..but im learning to not want to do that...and give it to God...
[Rather be the dumper or dumped?]: neither. its totally sucky for either member.
[Ever liked your best guy/girl friend?]: yes
[Want to get married?]: well, i am...and its awesome!
[Want kids?]: maybe one or two--though im not a big fan of birthing.
[Do you believe you know the person whom you will marry at this point in time?]: i hope scottie and i stay together forever :)
[What is your favorite part of your emotional being?]: my passion! (even though sometimes it causes problems)
[Are you happy with you?]: yep! except for my fatty fat..but that'll change when i learn discipline
[Are you happy with your life?]: Yep! i would like to get a better job, but overall..its a good life
Sunday, April 17, 2005
I stole this from kimmy...so why not!
A - Age you got your first kiss: umm..real kiss--probably the summer after 7th grade.
B - Band listening to right now: um...the disney princess cd.
C - Crush: I suppose Scottie (he's my favorite!). If it wasn't him--it would forever be PAUL RUDD.
D - Dad's name: Michael Dean Taylor
E - Easiest person to talk to: scott, rachel or joel? but it could be lots of people
F - Favorite bands at the moment: Stellar Kart (because of livin on a prayer), bowling for soup, or hey-what about the all time favorite NKOTB *pictures melanie singing into a broom on a bench at the meadowview*
G - Gummy worms or gummy bears? Gummy worms-but thats a tough one
H - Hometown: chebanse, IL is my hometown. i currently reside in glorious catlin, IL
I - Instruments: once upon a time, clarinet-oh. or hand bells. if someone marks my music.
J- Junior High: Nash Middle School
K - Kids: scared to birth em, but i'd like a few...maybe one or two..then fostering or adoption
L - Longest car ride ever: Disney trip with scott, taryn, and jay in the jetta-no air.
M - Mom's name: Phyllis Ann Taylor
N - Nicknames: sam, T, one t, burritto.
O - One wish: for people to truly see Jesus in me. oh yeah, and world peace.
P - Phobia[s]: the dark, demons, monsters, ghosts, murderers, rapists, heights, water parks --typical stuff.
Q - Quote: God loves each of us as if there were only one of us.
R - Reason to smile: slushies at work. finally.
S - Song you sang last: probably something scott and i microphoned in the car
T - Time you woke up today: 1:00 pm (saturday)
U - Unknown fact about me: if i told you, it wouldn't be unknown.
V - Vegetable you hate: hate veggies? thats just wrong :)
W - Worst habit(s): procrastination, judging people
X - X-rays you've had: teeth, wrist, stomach (when you have to drink the yucky stuff)
Y - Yummy food: corn on the cob.
Z - Zodiac sign: pisces
well, that was fun.
Friday, April 15, 2005
anyway. im gonna relax a little before heading off to craptown cinemas. sigh.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Tons of stuff has happened, but most of you will probably find it at least slighly boring...so i won't tell you about ALL of it. So far--catlin is fantastic..minus my stupid job...but its only temporary. We went to homer emporium the other day...mmm...they gots some delicious soda :)
wazfest was really successful...and no paul..sorry it wasn't all about you--his last name was waselewski--so yeah. im sure you can get it from there. i miss jen and the markland gang...and i miss target. otherwise...things couldn't be much better. i just wanted everyone to know we got it workin...and now i need to go to bed.