depression.

well. im home from camp. that makes me depressed. i hate when camp is over. i wish i lived at ec camp. i mean, maybe get the weekends off, but for the most part, be at ec camp. maybe i should try and work at a sheltered workshop or something. not a group home, but if i could find a special rec program or something. here are the highlights: tons of chapel music. splash valley. pepsi shots. my counselors. the campers. Jesus. Sleeping in the dining hall. hanging out with charles, brian and andy on the couches. nurse april. the trip to chicago. my talk with timmy (im so proud of him). megan visiting. hugs from ashley or lisa l. dancing with lisa b. making the counselors try to figure out impossible verses. chicken nuggets and taco salad. running out of food at lunch. helping in snack shack. learning about the campground. New mattresses? rob falling off the swing. stunt time. going on the roof. not making jeremys bed. ok. so maybe there were too many great things about camp. i got to hang out with melanie, get to know stephanie better, and mary suprisingly. yeah. if you've never been-you should go. if you have been, you should go back. we should have a website and such in a few weeks.

In other more serious news--my mom has skin cancer. its not as serious as it could be, but it is cancer, so it is serious. please pray for my family and my mom as she begins treatment in the next few weeks. the crazy thing is that except for getting bored being home all the time, she's feeling better than she has in a long time.

Also, we changed our cell phone numbers so they were local to the danville area. if you want the new number, email me or comment and i'll get it right to you. sprint doesn't leave a forwarding number so the old ones just don't work anymore.

Scott and i got in a fight today. i hate fighting. its ok now, but it sucked for awhile. its hard to explain how things feel inappropriate, and make me uncomfortable. the biggest thing is respect. its not about trust, its about not putting yourself in a position that makes someone uncomfortable. its hard to explain, and i know that the other person (not scott) thats involved is probably mad at me now, and for that im sorry. i've tried to explain how i feel, and no one seems to understand. if i could go back in time and change everything i would...but i can't. we had come so far, made it all week with no problems...only to be set back again. tell me you're happy for me, tell me its ok to feel the way i do. how would you feel if you were me? i wish we could just talk, but i dont know how. i know you're upset, but i don't understand why you don't respect how i feel. im not asking you to lose a friendship. im asking you to help repair this one. im sorry. it makes me feel worthless and unimportant. maybe thats selfish, maybe its crazy...but getting mad isn't going to change it. in fact, the truth is, getting mad only makes me more upset because then not only do i have these feelings, but i dont understand what the big deal is. my request isnt that outrageous. it only eliminates like 3 places in the whole world. i wish i could make you understand. i had a great time with you this week. i miss hanging out, and it made me wish we lived closer together. i don't know. im rambling, and everyone reading this is probably totally confused. but at least i got it out of my system.

sorry for all the crazy talk. its probably the last two weeks are finally over and i have 2 official days off this week-with no worries about camp, vbs, or weddings. if anyone wants to come to catlin and lay on the couch with me...then give me a call.

***Jesus wept. --John 11:35***

CAMP!!!

So, in just 6 short hours, i'll be at camp!! VBS was fantastic, katies wedding was totally amazing...she was so pretty, and we got to dance all nite..which was great. now we're getting ready for camp...yay yay yay!! I'll be back in a week..with pictures if you're lucky!

Come on in, Everybodys welcome

YAY YAY!!! Vacation Bible school starts in the morning!! I am deeply saddened by the fact that I will only be able to attend the opening as I have to work in kankakee tomorrow--but oh well. At least I get the super fun of the Circle G ranch the rest of the week!! Anyone in the catlin area (yeah, right) should swing on by for a grand time. I'm excited. Tuesday I get to be a Bible Character. That'll be fun. I got to wear the costume today while we decorated! We also got to make a screen for the video, among other fun things at church this evening.

Scotties birthday is in 36 minutes. Thats fun. We celebrated today because i will be gone tomorrow. Hopefully he has a good day anyways...maybe i'll bring him home a suprise. Dear Husband--happy birthday.

Then its KATIES WEDDING!! and sadly, Jacobs goodbye party. But it'll be a good weekend.

AND THEN....

CAMP!!!
Ok, so that'll be fantastic. Jeremy with all of his lovers, chuckie with his bushes, my chapel buddies and of course Cincinatti Christian School. To all counselors---we really need a good prank this year. Be in prayer about that.

**Moviegoer tip of the day: Don't park at the paramount.**

Dear Prince Charming.

I once wrote a series of letters to prince charming. I wasn't seven, or twelve, I was 23. Now I'm 26, and feel the dark days creeping back in. Those letters were the only way I felt I could express myself. The only way to deal with how I felt. I didn't feel that there was anyone who would understand-except of course prince charming. Funny thing about those letters. They were misguided. They were written to a person-not a prince. Today, I want to write another letter-I miss writing. Sometimes it seems that only paper and pencil understand how i feel.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

Dear Prince Charming.

Today, i sit here wishing for something different. Wishing that memories held truth and not figments of imagination. Hoping against all hope that it wasn't happening again. I want the memories to be truth. I want to believe in princes and castles and happily ever after. I look though, and find that the memories aren't real-their truth fading as it gains strength. I long for the time when you knew me as the princess and not for what I really was. I wish to believe you to be a prince. Imagine the suprise I felt when I discovered that only in the memory were we ever royalty. I pretending for you, and you for me. Being what you thought a prince should be, instead of revealing your true nature. And me, dancing around, looking foolish in my long gowns made from scraps. Of course we knew the truth but never faced it. If you are reading this letter, you are probably angry that I have revealed who you are, and in doing so revealed that I too, lived in the lie. I wanted so badly to believe in that castle. If you believe a lie long enough, does it become truth in your memory?

I wish I knew the answer.
a wannabe princess.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

Now I feel better. Not really. But thats ok. At least I wrote a new letter. Its hard to make them similar to the old ones. After all, nothing stays the same. I remember once, someone suggested I publish the prince charming letters. If I did-probably anyone who bought them would immediately want to kill themselves. But maybe if i could sprinkle in a few amusing stories. And a little more fiction. And if I could find the original letters. Who knows.

**Moviegoer tip of the day: Call the information line if you want to know showtimes. Thats why we have it. Because we don't pay someone to stand next to the phone all day answering all of your questions. Look online, or in the paper. Do something other than call our office line. Seriously. Don't call the theatre. Call the hotline. 1-800-FANDANGO works for almost anywhere!!**

i got a rose from a cute boy.

YAY. Most of you are probably thinking about how sweet my husband is--but it wasn't him. It was my cute little Max from paramount. He made my day. Theres a long story surrounding it, but it still made me smile.

In other NEWS--I went to get the info on the Masters Professional Counseling -school counseling concentration. Thats right folks. We're gonna go ahead and sink another 20,000 into a quality olivet education. But hey--at least i'll finally be able to get a job that I really want. And classes are only one night a week..so thats happy too. Maybe someday i'll even pay off the millions of dollars of debt (hopefully before retirement!).

I miss scottie. we got in a big fight today and now i wish i was at home to cuddle. i think part of the fighting is being far away. and the fact that we need money so i have to work up here and down there to get some bills paid. its not like we're super crazy in debt, but still...we need to get it paid off. Especially before the fall when finances might not be so easy to come by.

Today, on the radio, they played SHINE-by the Newsboys. It reminded me of NYC 95. That was 10 years ago this summer. Could we have even imagined how we would end up then? Its just crazy. Its where alicia and i developed a love for Tony campolo, among other things.

**moviegoer tip of the day** never slam your refill on the counter. it only makes it more likely you will get poor service. Its not our fault your piggy family made you come out for the refill. Be mad at them, not us. And don't tell us to hurry. The pop only dispenses so quickly.