ramblings about choices.

If you make a commitment to something, you shouldn't be angry when people expect you to be responsible for your commitment.

In my job, i work with parents who aren't willing to take responsibility and raise their children. Or take responsibility and deal with their addiction. If they don't take responsibility, then they don't get re-united with their children--they've made their choice. i can't change it. I can be supportive and encourage them to do what needs done, but i can't force it.

In my life, I have to be responsible to go to work, or i won't have a job. If I don't go to work, and I lose my job, it is not the fault of my employer. I made the choice.

In my bible study, if I don't read the material, I am responsible for that. Not the other members of our bible study. Just me. I'm the one that loses, because I didn't take the time. I made the choice. When someone calls me out on it, I have no choice but to accept responsibility for my lack of commitment to the group.

I get frustrated when our quizzers don't study. Less than 2 pages, and they don't take the time to read it over, and study it. Even though they made a commitment to the team, and when they're called out on it, they get frustrated and angry...but they made the choice. Not me. I had no control over their choice. Today, I wanted to yell. But it makes no difference. It does not change their choice. or their commitment. Ultimately, they made a commitment to be on a team, and whether they want to or not, they owe it to each other to do the work they committed to. If they don't, then its their choice, and the whole team suffers.

When I play on the computer instead of doing laundry, or dishes I make a choice. I don't have clean clothes to wear, or a plate to eat dinner on and its all my fault. No one forced me to spend an hour on facebook.

When I watch tv instead of doing my wii fit, I make a choice to be lazy, and my muscles get weak, and i can't complain about being fat if i make the choice to stay that way. I made a choice. No one forced me to watch tv all afternoon.


So I get angry, and frustrated about all these things, and thats my choice. I want to not care, because thats easier. But then i remember something: God made a choice. It was a choice he didn't probably want to make. He chose to have his son die for me. Jesus didn't want to die, he prays "if its possible, take this cup from me". He probably could have walked away. But he didn't. He could have given up, decided that people didn't deserve salvation. BUT He didn't. He wanted so badly to be in relationship with ME that he went ahead and died. Even when I didn't deserve it. Even when I get angry or say mean things, or do something i shouldn't...even when i'm the worst of sinners--God doesn't give up and walk away. He continues to love me, and honor his commitment to me, even when i don't honor my commitment to him. I make a choice. I make a choice to sin, and to be the one shouting "crucify" or the one hammering the nails. and Jesus, he says "father forgive them-they don't know what they are doing" Funny thing though--i'm making a choice. im aware of how my sin hurts people. and yet, i do it--yelling crucify as i sin.

I want to be like Jesus. I want to make the choice to put my faith first, to forgive when it seems impossible. To be giving when I feel like I've got nothing left to give. I want to love, even when loving is the hardest thing. To be like Jesus, I have to make a commitment, and be responsible for that choice. I need to live "wholeheartedly" and stop doing just enough to get by. because doing just enough to get by is a choice too--and its a choice that really only hurts me in the end. so--i hope to be more like Jesus. Even when its hard and I don't want to. If i only follow Jesus when things go my way and its easy--im not really following at all.