For Paul...

So Christmas was absolutely fantastic. I could go on and on...instead I will, for paul..complete the following:

3 names you go by:
1. Sara
2. One T
3. Sam

3 screennames you have:
1. cuteduck223
2. shiloh_kids
3.what do you think I am-some kind of computer dork?

3 things you like about yourself:
1. my eyes
2. sense of humor
3. compassion

3 things you dislike about yourself:
1. i worry constantly about stuff
2. my fat tummy
3. temper

3 parts of your heritage:
only 3? good luck.

3 things that scare you:
1. the dark
2. moving
3. semi-trucks, water parks, big cement dividers on highways, large snakes, choking...

3 everyday essentials:
1. scottie
2. email
3. soda

3 things you're wearing right now:
1. snowflake undies
2. black pants
3. white shirt

3 favorite bands/artists
1. FM static
2. New Kids on the block
3. Eagles

3 favorite songs at present:
1. My own Prison -Creed
2. Lord move, or move me -FFH
3. best day ever-spongebob soundtrack (ok, so maybe its a crappy song, but it gives me happy memories about work!)

3 new things you want to try in the next 12 months:
1. pay off credit cards (yeah right-it'd be a great new thing to try!)
2.
3. getting a job not at a theatre that i like...

3 things you want in a relationship (love is a given)
1. I have scottie. He's the best (see a previous post) I want nothing else.

2 truths and a lie:
1. i'm insecure
2. i cry easily (really really easily)
3. i love kokomo

3 physical things about the opposite sex (or same) that appeal to you:
1. Eyes
2. Smile
3. hair (or lack of...?)

3 things you just can’t do:
1. reach the top shelf
2. cartwheels
3. get out of bed on time (I just hate it so much!)

3 favorite hobbies:
1. movies
2. reading
3. playing video games

3 things you want to do really badly right now:
1. drink some tea (my throat hurts)
2. see stevi.
3. change clothes

3 careers you’re considering:
1. children's pastor
2. school psychologist
3. theatre manager

3 places you want to go on vacation:
1. Disney World
2. Disney Land
3. On a cruise (a disney cruise to be exact!)

3 names for kids (boy or girl):
1. Josiah
2. Rebekah
3. ?? ??

Three things you want to do before you die:
1. get out of debt
2. write a book
3. go back to school...depending on career choice above.

Three people who have to take this quiz now:
1. Scottie
2. Joel
3. Timmy

Resignation.

So, this morning staff parish asked me (not so nicely as the work ask may imply) to resign my position at Shiloh. I'm terribly sad, because I loved my kids. I just couldn't work for the pastor. I guess I should have seen it coming--but life's not fair..and I know, everything works out in the end, but for now, im scared, and im sad...just thought it was best to tell everyone at once.

viruses abound.

well dudes. I got some crap on my computer that makes fighting these crazy pop-ups really not worth the energy to post, but it's been a week, so I suppose its time. to start with

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

Next, we visited rachel and joel for joels birthday and that was delicious fun. They will be here friday night late to celebrate the holidays.

Also, VBS is over, and apparently, while I planned for 60 I didn't ever need to because Megan confessed to me this week that they had between 25-30 last year--not 50. I averaged 40 or so, so thats great. Also, the Live Nativity was a sucess (no ice or freezing rain).

this week, the harmony ringers (my kids bells) will be playing at Northwestern middle school. It's gonna be fun, because then we get to stay for the christmas parties afterwords :) then thursday we have musical rehearsal and friday is the musical where i am doing the sermon...yay for me. i love my job when i actually get to spend time with my kids.

last friday, jen and i (thats my friend) played in the moonwalk after VBS and then went over to adams to watch poker night. it was amusing if nothing else because of all the random people who were there, including jeremiah the pretzel time guy who brings us smoothies.

Katie (our music director) got me a nativity for Christmas as kind of a joke, and it pretty much made my day. then I worked and jen and i took apart a projector trying to fix it, and while we didn't actually fix it, the problem seemed to not be so bad. i think its our ghost fred. then youth group, where the kids and scott played in the moonwalk. then scottie and i came home and i watched the wizard of oz. i fell alseep-so we didn't go see lemony snicket. but then we made a gingerbread train and watched harry potter...that was pretty tasty fun, but a little harder than we imagined.

My wonderful husband.

There are some people in the world who sometimes think my husband isn't the greatest guy. They even perhaps sometimes blame him for pain and misfortune that aren't necessarily his fault. To these people I say--SCREW YOU. you know who you are. He's kind, forgiving, and generous. He takes crap from people (including me all of the time) and is no less giving or thoughtful because of it. He aspires to the best in everyone, looks to the positive and hopes for friendships instead of lies. However, he is constantly betrayed and if I'm the bad guy for standing up for him..then I am proud to be the bad guy, because no matter what--in his heart, deep down, he never wants to hurt anyone. He tries to keep peace, and create meaningful connections between other people. I love him absolutely. Everyone knows that the past isnt this bright glowing thing we reflect on, but the reality is we love each other more not less, and are closer than ever due to my indiscretions. Yup. I love him. Totally and completely. You can't even imagine. He even cleans the house and gets me taco pop in the night. Sigh. I couldn't ask for anything more. He is by far more forgiving than I will ever be. Perhaps that's part of the reason for this post--but the real true reason is to let everyone know how much he means to me.

Today is the one month anniversary of my uncles death. Scott and I went and saw Christmas with the Kranks (I cried--but the book was better) and Oceans 12 (I didnt get it) and he made me smile. I also had a cherry frost icee from target with Jen. I'm thankful for new friends. She consoled me over icees as I relayed my sadness-its so nice to finally have a friend.

Tuesday we get to see rachel and joel. YIPEE!!! I am so happy. (PS-today is joels birthday)
Anyway, Scotties great. And yeah. Im lucky.

Thanks, Lexa

Stolen from my pal dax-shes having a baby, to help get the juices flowing for everyone (serious hint to those who never post anymore). Also, its been a really long time since I've done one, so why not?

9 things I want to do before I die
1. Have children (at least one)
2. further my education (christian ed or psychology)
3. go on a cruise
4. Be ordained as a Children's Pastor in the Church of the Nazarene.
5. get out of debt-seriously
6. own a house
7. Read and understand at least one philosophy book
8. visit europe..(get over my flying over the ocean fear)
9. write a book

8 things I'm wearing
1. Contacts
2. pink hoodie
3. Underwears -cute christmas star underwear to be exact!
4. Plaque on my teeth (I need to brush)
5. Deodorant
6. pony tail holder
7. wedding ring
8. favorite jeans

7 things on my mind
1. moving away, specifically praying for crown point
2. quitting my hell job at church
3. going back to school
4. visiting family next week.
5. my head itches.
6. i hate dry skin
7. my parents are on their way home from vacation right now

6 things I touch every day
1. Scottie
2. sneakers
3. the couch
4. A keyboard
5. my purse
6. the fridge

5 things I do every day
1. kiss scottie
2. watch tv
3. Complain about working at church
4. check email
5. put on deodorant

4 songs on my mind
1. Santa Claus Lane -Hilary Duff
2. Smallville theme
3. Bring it On -from our childrens musical
4. Lord Move, or Move me -FFH

3 things I think of when I wake up
1. do i really need to shower
2. do i have to go to church today?
3. i can sleep for 9 more minutes

My 2 favorite foods
1. Taco bell pop
2. the chicken at don ponchos

1 person I love more than any other
1. its really hard just to pick one person...especially with everything happening in my family lately--obviously scottie because he's amazing...but everyone in my family ties for a close 2nd

This cute little survey was way harder than I imagined, or its just too early in the morning. anyhow--have a great day all!

there'll be no sad tomorrow?

Today I woke up unhappy. This is not unusual. I hate kokomo. I made some potato soup, scottie and I had lunch and then he scampered off to work. Work. I should go there too. I need to get some things to glue for friday. And I need to call some volunteers about friday. I just wish we didn't have to do VBS. Its a great idea...but we don't have any materials to use--i had to come up with stuff just like..ta-da. Stupid. I got 30 hours again at the theatre. Thats good since its one of the few things i look forward to.

Scott knows its getting bad. he brought me flowers last night to make me cheered. It worked a little. I love him, and i know that its hard for him to see me so sad when there isnt anything he can do about it. Things at his job are getting worse too--he now has to work between 3 different houses to try and get 40 hours. Its crazy stupid, and I wish there was something I could do to make him feel better about it. He finally found a job he doesn't mind so much--and they just keep shuffling him around.

It just seems like things won't ever get better. We pray a lot about crown point, about getting out of here, about going anywhere else. Today, I felt like calling joel and rachel to see if they could get us jobs--but with all of our bills, those jobs just wouldn't cut it. I feel like we're drowning. THere isn't anyone at all here that we can confide in, anyone to share our hopes or our fears with. Its incredibly hard. The only bright spot in this day will be that its tuesday--and thats a quality tv day for me (veronica mars, SVU, and judging amy). I haven't watched this much tv in years...like since probably the summer of my 6th grade year. ALL I DO is watch tv. Maybe its my fault that things suck so badly here. If only there was more to hope for.

Deck the halls...

Well, thanksgiving was fantastic! Yummy food, fun with friends...it was different, and sad at times, but still outstanding overall. And the best part-the day after thanksgiving its time to decorate for christmas! YAY!! we decorated our tree last night. It was much fun. I was supposed to work until 8pm tonight, but Jen let me leave because I have a cold. Hoorah! Not that I have a cold, but that I got to come home and lay on my couch to feel better. At work this morning we got out all of the christmas decorations. apparently, we were supposed to get permission before decorating, but we just couldn't wait...so we just went ahead. Our theatre gets about as much attention from corporate as say...oh, what can you compare with NONE? Anyways. Holly Jolly. I was excited. It was fun. I also did some preliminary pricing of what I want to get scott...hmm...time to go lay on the couch!

Buttery popcorn love.

For those of you who thing a movie theatre is a crazy place to want to be employed full time at the age of 25--you are wrong. In fact, if they paid me enough-i would work there full time. I used to think I hated it, and it was temporary (get through college, pay bills, etc) but the truth is...I LOVE IT. We have spongebob right now...its fun. its also way fun to run out of popcorn because the popper breaks down repeatedly, to hear people say things like "wow, we had 250 people for that show" to that i laugh to myself and think--250? i could do that in my sleep. Since it was busy, and we had a sneak of "finding neverland" jen let katie and i stay until 7:15...2 extra hours of fun. She also let us go to the pizza place and get ice...we ran out of that too. And we got to sit in the back and make popcorn together...it was a pretty fun day...even busy and all :)

The other great thing about movie theatres--for the most part--you can meet some really great people. We've been in Kokomo six months..had only one person (not even the pastor) invite us for dinner, and we pretty much have no friends. I have been at the theatre for a little over a month...and already, I have made friends. Is that a little crazy to anyone else? No friends at church, but friends at the minimum wage part time job? THis also allows me to believe that perhaps working in a theatre is my destiny--my greater purpose, ya know. that sort of thing. I know its not conducive to having children, and someday, im sure that i will want to--and so i should be doing things to get me experience in other fields..but lets be honest. I WANT to work at the theatre. It's just fun. I mean, when its bad-its usually really bad--but even then...i'd rather do that than meet with the pastor. EH??

We also talked about the fire drills (indiana law requires us to practice once every six weeks) we determined that since it is a minimum wage job, if the building truly was on fire, we would just quit rather than go through the drill, because lets be honest...if the fires that big, are we really going to have any place to work? why risk our lives? *we were told that leaving or not doing as practiced during the drill would result in the loss of our jobs.

In other news, I am still considering going into grief counseling. Ya know, working with kids like my cousin who have lost a parent, or other things. I used to want to do child psychology, but didnt think that there was much market for it...but I really think kids today have it rough...and I think that i would be really good at it. I could be wrong, but I love kids, and I think I relate pretty well...I just don't really know how to do it I guess.

Home.

Well, i'm at home and its hard. its just so much overwhelming sadness, its unfair and it doesn't make sense to anyone. but life goes on. its hard, and unfair, and thats what is the hardest to deal with. i'm doing one of the readings at the funeral. its still just incredible. i love my family so much, and i hate to see them hurting so badly. i just want to scoop them up and take it all away. I am thankful for my good friends, who have been around this weekend just to give me stuff to do in the evening or during times when nothing else is going on. Katie, all the girls who travelled saturday in the vibe, and suprisingly-jay. I am thankful for the great repairs that were made to our friendship, and for bakers square who let us take up a booth during the dinner rush when we weren't even really eating. And to my husband, who is loving and patient and willing to do laundry at my moms right now. He's cute. Not great with driving alone and staying focused on proper exits--but cute. Im glad he's here now. i'm lucky. We took my brother and went and saw the incredibles finally tonite, and lalala...i still like polar express better--however i will agree that they are not the same type of movie and should not be judged as better/worse. i think i'm heading to bed.

Please Pray.

My struggle all week has been with HTML. That's nothing. My uncle Jon had a heart attack yesterday--and well. Today I am heading home to be with my family as they make funeral plans. Please pray for my family...many people are travelling, including my uncle mike who is driving from texas on little sleep. Also pray for Jons wife Renee, their adult son Brandon, and most especially for their 7 year old son Kyle. I am sure that this will be hardest on him. In fact, I haven't ever seen a father and son closer (except on tv). I'm not taking this very well at all. I just keep thinking how unfair the whole thing is. But my husband has been wonderful, taking care of arrangements so that I can go home this afternoon. (oh yeah, pray for him to, because he will be travelling seperate from me, due to the fact that I need to go be with my family, and he still has to work tomorrow. Thanks.

Poisoned omelets

I have to say, as much as i like my theatre job, i miss my old theatre job more than i ever imagined. However, perhaps i wish that at this time last year, i had an opportunity to serve a poisoned omelet. but i didn't, and life goes on, and well...friendship really does weather the storm pretty well i would say-and everyone knew nothing would really come of it. so i guess the poisoned omelet, while appealing would have really solved nothing.

i am so happy to be going home. Sure, its only for a few hours, but i will see my family, and rachel and joel are coming up, and we will be previewing the ever anticipated polar express. yay for christmas. So happy. So happy i can't even sleep.

So, someone hit my car. in a parking lot. and did a ton of damage. it was a lot worse than we thought-but my ever fantastic insurance company who i am sure is tired of talking to me is fixing it. they're even fixing things i didnt know had been damaged, so its good that for once i am actually getting it taken care of. its a big hit financially even to pay the deductible-leaving me wondering if we will ever even come close to getting out of debt. Heres the funny thing though. i love my focus. i love smaller cars. small cars with lots of space are great. i do not like big cars at all. but my insurance is paying for the rental. they gave me a 2005 ford escape. no matter how cute this car may be, im not really an suv type girl. while this is kind of a mini-suv--the fact remains, i would have chosen to downgrade to mid-size or economy having been given the option. but it will be fun for the week...kind of like an adventure. and its not as scary as i thought. i kind of like it. but i love my focus.

Thats the news folks. remember, christmas trees can't go up until the day after thanksgiving, no matter how tempting all the great decorations look.

In the middle of the night.

The craziest things come to you in the middle of the night. I am not feeling well and am unable to sleep. For this reason, I have spent much time researching towns that scott has sent his resume to. This is not healthy. Now I don't feel good and i'm scared. Kokomo looks good (great) by comparison. Some of these places are littly bitty towns. Towns without walmarts. Towns not even close to towns with walmarts. Towns where the nearest video rental store is 25 miles away. Its devastating really. It makes you wonder why God would call someone to a place like that. Of course, I guess if we were to get serious about saving money, that would be the way to go. But no walmart? that of course means no bookstores, theatres or coffee shops. I like believing that its all gonna work out, and that we will soon be moving to a happier place. This research gave me little hope-who could be happy when it takes 45 minutes just to run to walmart?

Of course, there's always champaign, as Rachel informed me that there will be several management positions opening up at her theatre in the coming months. How typical would that be...for us to just run away from any kind of challenge and go to champaign, be with rachel and joel (who I love dearly and would LOVE to be with) and work at a theatre and rubys. why--it would be just like kankakee all over again--with only joel really working towards a goal. But we'd be happy. maybe its a fair trade.

Sunday I had a halloween party for my kids. It was pretty fun-better than I expected. I had about 25 kids show up, so since it was fall break weekend, that wasn't too bad at all. What I still don't understand is how if our high end attendance is 40, how we manage 120 kids at Vacation Bible school. That seems a little off. I had some random non-church people asking me about Christmas VBS-not a bad idea, but to me right now-it translates into free babysitting and seems to be a real hassle. We're doing it though...God bless the shoppers.

When did I get so lazy?

I have to tell you about something I hate. I hate when you are laying in bed at night, and you think of something you really want to say, a story you want to write, someone you want to call, something that is just out of this world awesome. you're just tired enough not to get out of bed. then you fall asleep. And the thoughts are lost forever. I've been dreaming a lot lately...almost like screenplays-dreams about people I don't know-it's kinda creepy, not fun. It's not like watching a sitcom. I deeply care about the unknown people in my dreams. It leaves me tired when I wake up, and I can never fully remember what went on, so I can't save it.

Another thing I hate. How sloppy I have gotten with my grammar. I couldn't write a paper if I tried. I know its bad. But I don't correct it. (notice the preposition starting previous sentence).
If I would get my lazy self out of bed, and work on proper grammar I could be a writer. Chances are, I'll probably just lay in bed letting my creativity leak out into the dark silence, lost forever to that place before dreams. It's sad. Kind of like something dying a slow painful death. I used to want to be a writer. Now, its kind of like one of those things i might someday get around to...which means I won't. Especially with my ideas pouring out into who knows where.

Dear imagination, may you rest in peace.

Here's Something I love. My husband. He's terrific. He cleans the house, does laundry...takes really great care of me in this crazy strange place. We have fun together, and he makes me laugh, even when I'm sad or grumpy. He also lets me watch SVU and Judging Amy. That alone is enough to be grateful. Anyway, he's great. and I love him.

Happy birthday paul.

Everyday the same.

So today, I got up just to watch judging amy. Man, I love that show. it's on twice in a row and well...my life revolves around being on the couch. So, after judging amy, I come upstairs to check my email, then obviously I will head to church. This has been my routine for the last two weeks and it seems to have worked. I even went monday after rachel and joel left. (I was muy happy for that visit!). Today, I check my email-and my psycho-micro-manager-pastor has emailed me to ask me where I am. Now keep in mind...he hasn't called me. He sends me an email asking me to please account for my time since he hasn't seen me since monday night. Not my problem. I have been there every afternoon, working and getting much accomplished. But since he hasn't seen me, he assumes I'm not working. He makes me furious. HE could have asked Brent, Sue, or Cory, all of them have seen me this week. But because he hasn't seen me, I need to adjust my office hours so that he knows I am working. I say--let him adjust his hours. Screw it. I don't care anymore. I know that my attitude toward him is effecting how I view the church. We need to leave. I will of course spend saturday with the teens and change my mind...but unless something happens (i.e. we get a new pastor) i don't see how i can hold out much longer.

In happier news--i start my theatre job on friday. Yay. At least it will get me out and make me happy...even stupid customers are better than Bud. Bring on the madness of a kids film any day.

PLEASE PLEASE pray that we can get out of here-or at least out of the church.

Reasons to stay? in Kokomo, IN

So yesterday I went home for my grandma's birthday. It was a pretty good time. Katie joined us, and that made it even better because we never get to talk any more. I think that grandma was happy, and that's really important to me. I love my grandma, and am sad that I can't go home more often. Tomorrow I have my interview at the other kerasotes theatre. Apparently they need more help. But I talked to the manager at the larger theatre, and he says that one way or another I should be employed somewhere by the end of the week. In talking to Katie about this venture back into the theatre world, she pointed out that its a great job because it's comfortable, and hey--why not. She also pointed out that anyone with any hopes of having a family wouldn't stay at a theatre job because its all nights and weekends. That made me think of Mel. She hates missing Damien's stuff--but she has to work. I miss her, and I miss those kids. So, its not a forever job, but it will provide extra income for awhile and I like it..

Anyway, here are the reasons we should stay:

1. The Harshmans. Great family-they really need loved. They weren't at church today,
and well, it made me sad.
2. Who needs friends?
3. Someone needs to tell this church about Jesus. Seriously. Our music director may be
quitting for many of the same reasons-and she grew up in this church. To quote her "These
people who call themselves christians need to take a good hard look in the mirror and grow
up" Staff-parish is making her direct the christmas cantata. Even though she resigned from
adult choir.
4. That really great theatre job.
5. fazolis, sonic, chili's, yogi's pizza.
6. I enjoy discouragement and being lectured on a regular basis by someone who eh...lets
not even talk about it.
7. I just got my license here, why pay $15 dollars for a new one somewhere else?

I have a list of reasons we should go too, but I'm trying to be positive.

What happened is this: People knew God perfectly well, but when they didn't treat him like God, refusing to worship him, they trivialized themselves into silliness and confusion so that there was neither sense nor direction left in their lives. They pretended to know it all, but were illiterate regarding life. They traded the glory of God who holds the world in his hands for cheap figurines you can buy at any roadside stand.
So God said, in effect, "if that's what you want, that's what you get." It wasn't long before they were living in a pigpen, smeared with filth, filthy inside and out. And all this because they traded the true God for a fake god, and worshipped the god they made instead of the God who made them-the God we bless, the God who blesses us. -Romans 1:21-25 The Message

We're BACK!!

Hey, Hey--if I could do it all over again tomorrow *well maybe wednesday-i'm quite tired* I totally would. I met some of the most amazing people...we were like family. I need to head to bed, and there's no way I could tell you of the awesomeness of Youth specialties(I reccomend it to y'all regardless of your career choice) but I do want to share with you what the theme was and well...it made a difference in my life. Its from 2 Corinthians 6:?? approxiately verse 11 for those of you who don't believe The Message is a real translation--sorry...

Dear Dear corinthians (you can substitute your name-nifty eh?), I can't tell you how much I long for you to enter this wide-open spacious life. We didn't fence you in. The smallness you feel comes from within you. Your lives aren't small, but you're living them in a small way. I am speaking as plainly as I can and with great affection. Open up your lives. Live openly and expansively!

Anyway--I'm glad to be home. We had a ton of messages--we get to vote on Bud's salary tuesday night at a church council meeting (boy howdy..i wish my vote counted!!) and I also found out that we are having a luncheon for our secretary-she apparently is leaving. Can't say that I blame her--but now's not the time for that discussion.

And we're off.

To my bestest sell-out friend...I guess we're doomed. Maybe we should talk to one of these chains about letting us open a theatre...ya know..like a franchise. It's all we're going to be good for. To everyone else, that means upon returning from Dallas, I will probably be re-entering the theatre realm. SIGH. I guess you just can't get enough of a good thing.

Have a good week all. I'll try to check in on friday if we have time. :)

And now its time to go to the airport--the adventure awaits!!

38 hours, 40 minutes.

Thats how long until we leave. we're packed. Ready. If you need me while i'm in Dallas, you can leave a message on my cell or you can email me at my yahoo account, as I will be checking that one from my phone and then from headquarters. If you don't know that email address, let me know. I'll give it to ya! I know some of you won't be able to handle not being in communication with me for a whole week (my secret michigan lover man!) so thats the deal.

We had a fish fry at church tonite, much to my suprise it was pretty fun. I'm even glad I went. The pastors wife dumped her duty on me (she went to get a drink and NEVER came back!) but thats no suprise. She didn't know where half of the stuff went when we were cleaning up, and they've been at the church over a year. Come on now--even I know where the potholders are. Tomorrow, my lesson is on families helping each other, and we are talking about how Aaron helped Moses. My plan for the afternoon and monday morning is to draw diagrams of each room so that when people use them, they know how to put stuff back. because thats my biggest problem of the week. People re-arranging rooms and not putting stuff back.

I am very happy for my dear rachel, who has taken another job and will be leaving the classic cinemas realm. It is an exciting and sad time. Of course-she took a theatre job--and she is CAPABLE of so much more...(rach-you might still want to look into substitute teaching as supplimentary income-thats a good second job) but thats ok. Following her lead to become a real theatre lifer, even outside of the world of CC, I have an informal interview monday at one of our local theatres. Fantastic. I'm excited, because like Rachel, I am comfortable doing that. Why look for a second job i might hate (or like). I know I like working at the theatre for the most part--so we'll see. Maybe monday I will change my mind. But I am glad for rachel, as I was worried that winter would come and she would still be driving in the snow and whatnot. Not fun.

To anyone who cares-I love religious freedoms as much as all my other freedoms. Of course, the peanut gallery in my head still doesn't care and well...my vote is still undecided.

Point to Ponder: We'd all like to vote for the best man, but he's never a candidate. ~Frank McKinney "Kin" Hubbard

Ahh, Kohl's.

So today was fantastic as far as Kokomo days go...I worked-like actually did stuff, met with some of my SS teachers, hung out with my husband a little, went shopping, and well. It was great. The only thing that would have made it better would have been friends to share the day with...but that is not happening yet. I got the shoes I needed on clearance for like 1/2 off, got a pair of jeans on sale, and a new sweatery shirt. YAY. I also saw this awesome wizard of oz shirt that showed just the ruby red slippers and some crappy legs and underneath it said Bling Bling.
It was pretty fabulous.

Another positive--the pastor is in Florida helping hurricane people...and he won't be back until last sunday and we leave on monday. I haven't seen him since sunday, and if all goes as planned i won't have to see him until we get back from Dallas. And then, HOPEFULLY he or i will have a better attitude.

I am also packing for Dallas. I know we don't leave until monday-but I will actually be working saturday evening and all day sunday...so why not do it now. Besides, my wonderful husband is doing laundry, so I say pack it while its clean.

I watched the presidental debate for like 10 minutes. This is what I got. Bush trying to create freedom by freeing IRAQ and Kerry saying "I can do it better". Let's be honest. I've seen monkeys "do it better". It was pretty ridiculous, and we all know how political minded I am, so I changed the channel and watched Seinfeld instead (Big hoorah to non-network channels not airing the debate!).

So that was pretty much my day. The best day I have had in a long time, with no headache, sore throat, or bleh feeling at all. It was just like the first week or two here when I still had hope. Sounds like a pretty ordinary day-but hey-its the little things, right?

Oh sweet Dallas. 97 hours and 48 minutes. Maybe someone will offer my husband a job :)

Counting down.

Just so everyone knows, at this time next week I will be in Dallas. Not Kokomo. Who knows. Maybe we won't come back. I love Dallas. Of course, I haven't seen too much of it-but it's pretty great I think.

I have nothing interesting or profound to say at all, but since someone can't live without me, I decided to go ahead and post. Thats right. It's all for my public.

I went to a childrens ministry leadership conference on Saturday. It was a lot of fun, but everything we talked about I already knew. It makes me think I should go into business, or engineering, or politics even--something I don't understand so well so that I could be challenged. Not that my job isn't challenging, but really the actual job-not so much. It's all the other people (parents, the pastor, youth leader) that make my job unlikable. I do have allies though-its not all gloom and destruction.

In other news, sunday the youth group went paintballing. I watched. It scares me to play. Plus it costs a lot of money that we don't have. Next week we are watching a movie and playing football if the weather is nice. That is much more to my liking.

The pastor set hours for me 10-1 everyday. Well, its 1:00 on tuesday and I haven't been to work since sunday. Oh well. Thursday I have to go in at 9, so we'll say that makes up for it.

I have resumed my neopets playing with a new neopet thanks to my brother joel and his love of neopia.

If you're still reading-here's the profound thought-not mine-Tony Campolo's. Taken from a book he wrote in the early 1980's: We need a prophet who will weep for America, who will stir us to a memory of what we were meant to be, who will reach into our collective consciousness and who will draw out of it the sorrowful memory of the real American dream. Such a prophet will not only weep floods of tears for America but will also teach us to weep. In that weeping lies our only hope, because it is the weeping that can break the numbness of our hearts and minds. It is the grieving that can teach us how to feel again.

Tony Campolo has since been deemed a modern prophet. He said all of this stuff 20 years ago. Today, no one is looking it up, and of course, as the presidental election gets closer, no one is weeping. So there you have it. I posted.

the lies christians tell.

I would like to start by saying that a someone who is now my friend, once intimidated me. But how can that be? well--shes smart, funny, likable, a super awesome christian, and well...thats intimidating. She went to the big church, sang on the impact team, does all of the right things, and condones the wrong things. I tell you all of this to tell you--she had no idea I was intimidated by her. She didn't see any reason why I (or anyone else for that matter-there are others) should be. But that didn't change the facts. I was intimidated. Very intimidated. As in please don't leave me alone with her, I won't have any idea what to do or say. Things aren't like that any more. In fact, I admire her, respect her, and most of all, like to laugh with her. I don't talk to her as often as I should...but we all know I'm a bad friend...so yeah.

I say all of that to say, being a christian is part of who I am...the same as having blue eyes. I don't think anyone is intimidated based on eye color alone--the shape, shading, and other characteristics maybe..but not on color alone (unless that color is something way crazy)

I guess I feel like to be intimidated by me, you would have had to have put me on a pedestal. Well, I hope that I have fallen from it. If I haven't--I will. And then all you've ever believed about me, and about my faith will be worthless. I know. I have seen it happen. See, I did something bad. I destroyed a friendship with someone who was very important to me, and I did it for a boy. Not my husband. a different boy. A boy who makes no difference now. And that friendship is destroyed. Did I do it on purpose? Maybe. Maybe not. I don't really know. I do know that no amount of apologies, or attempts to reconnect will ever make things the way they were-better or worse..they will never be the same. I won't be on a pedestal-thats for sure. I failed someone at a time when they probably needed me most. And I will always regret it-but that doesn't change it.

Every christian person does it. They let people see all the good in them. They hide the bad..for fear of judgement, not being a good witness, or whatever. It's like..sinning doesn't stop existing for the christian..it just becomes a secret.

I guess I am a little frustrated. Talking about God makes people uncomfortable. Some of my closest friends have no problems writing out their feelings for me to read and comment on at my leisure, but at the same time, if we were face to face...there is no way they (or I) would willingly have a serious conversation about God outside of a Bible study/church setting.

Don't worry--christians are intimidated by nonchristians too...they fear people who drink, smoke, have sex, or swear. Mainly because they don't know what to do, or say. Christians become afraid to say what they think, because well..if it offends someone...

To be honest-Jesus was offensive. He loved people in a way that was unheard of...he broke thousands of rules, just so he could keep right on loving. I want to be offensive that way. I can't. There are too many people I have hurt or let down, people who are either afraid to trust me, or afraid to trust what I believe in. To those people I am sorry. I screwed up. Not Jesus. To say that I won't do it again would be a lie.

The truth is simple. Jesus loves you more deeply, powerfully and sincerely than you can ever imagine. It isn't cliche, it isn't offensive. It's love. It's something most of us barely recognize, because we have all been wounded so deeply we fear the pain won't ever stop haunting us. My heart breaks...and it breaks specifically today for those of you who don't know Jesus. And for those of you who are lonely. And for those of you who feel lost. Jesus loves you. Jesus loves me. Did I mention Jesus loves you? Wait. what? Jesus loves you. The person reading this right now--you. Jesus loves you. Whether you believe it or not. It's true. and nothing you can do will change that. it's not a failing kind of love--like I love you...but I let you down. It's unstoppable, unbreakable love. It can take anything...anything. Jesus loves you.

For those of you who just visited for the first time...I don't always ramble on like this. I can be upbeat, and fun...but today...this was my burden. If that makes me a religious fanatic...so be it.

Somebody Save me...

Yay-so tonight we are visiting Rachel and Joel for the fantastic season premiere of Smallville. It's fun. We had corn, and went to dairy queen, and played puzzle, played phase 10, and of course-watched smallville. **if i could turn back time** I love that song. Hope everyone is having a good nite :)

We're glad to have you.

So, I had my first evaluation today with the staff parish committee. And, they said they think I am doing a fantastic job, and they are glad I am there. They even offered to pay for a dinner hosted by the church for childrens/youth leaders in the area in an effort to help me meet people I can connect with. I like them-of course, the pastor still expects me to have pointless office hours, but hey-at least he's not the head of staff parish.

Megan called today-we had a good chat. Funny how you miss people at the most random times. I fear that Mickey is calling me, and megan is the medium.

I started reading a new book "The life you've always wanted" by John Ortberg. I find it to be challenging and insightful, and I must say, it is cheering my up a bit. Of course, I took it to work purely to have something to read once my work was completed, and now I am super glad I did. I highly recommend it. Especially if you are looking to better your relationship with Jesus. It has begun to cure some of my bitterness about being here-and while there is still lots of work to do there, I know that it is helping my attitude at least a little.

I used to dream of writing books. of any kind. Now, I look at my grammar and cringe. Maybe I should take a class-though I don't feel that I have any creative energy currently.

Veggie tales-Bible stories or pure entertainment?

I love veggie tales. However, I realize that they are adapted. Today, during kids church-I asked how many people were seen in the fiery furnace? (seen, not thrown in). None of the kids knew the story. They all swore to me that they had NEVER EVER heard it. Some of these kids are in 5th grade. Now, I didn't start going to church until 2nd grade, and I knew the story by then. So question one--why can they tell me the intimate details about mehibosheth but not this classic tale? I then ask them if they had ever seen Rack, Shack, and Benny. Well then everyone knew the story. So because of the veggie tales, we apparently no longer teach these fantastic classic tales. OF course, I also got told Noah was the first man. Is it perhaps just impossible for children to retain information of the religious nature.

This is another struggle. Having only been here since June, I know it isn't fair to make judgements...and the first year is the hardest...but I am really struggling with being here. THere is no one at all (no exaggeration) our age at the church, and since that is where I spend most of my time, we haven't made any friends. And I'm kind of a social creature. So even with scott, I feel pretty alone. When he goes to work I just sit around at home-like I have forgotten how to make friends, and I have no desire to go out alone. I want to, I just don't know where to go, or what to do. So its hard. It's even harder that while most of the people at church are super nice, there are some things I don't understand-like when you get approval for something, start it and then get told you can't do it-well its frustrating. and its happened more than once. The church seems healthy, but it also seems that everyone is too busy to really make anything happen. I'm just frustrated. I know God is faithful and that He wouldn't have put me here if it wasn't meant to be, but I just keep wondering how long? What am I supposed to learn? The people are very supportive, and I think I need that confidence, but at the same time...its so frustrating. But now I'm just ranting, instead of being thankful for the opportunities I do have.

I'm gonna go stare at the TV

Oh the pressure.

With this sudden growth in my blogging friends, I find myself under enormous pressure to post on a regular basis--I also obsessively check everyone else's blog so I can see new posts, or even new comments immediately. Do you think this is unhealthy? I even find myself constantly checking Scott's livejournal and I live with him. I know everything that goes on in his life. But I still feel compelled to check-as if he has some secret internet life he may reveal to the masses and not to me. You never know. and so I must check. and check again. and again. He's at work. There isn't any way he could post. But just in case someone comments. Oh the pressure. I think that perhaps the internet is the devil, and the real reason I have no friends is that instead of going out and making some, I stick to my lovely computer. What a sad sad life.

The solution.

I just thought that since we seem to be confusing everyone, I should tell you that as of 2:14 (shorting after posting on totogirl) I changed my signature to look like this *sara* thus making it possible to tell sara and sara apart. You are all welcome.

Life, as we knew it.

So, monday Scott and I went to help his brother Joel and my bestest friend (joels wife) Rachel move to their new home. Its so stressful to move to a new place, so I am very sympathetic to this new adventure they have begun. Life as we knew it is officially over. We are now grown-ups, having moved away from our comfort zone to begin life in the real world. Before this week, Scott and I could visit them in Kankakee for some sense of security. Now we will be visiting each other in totally unfamiliar surroundings. I even felt a little regret helping them--if I hadn't taken this job-we would have moved together. Crazy how things change. It's scary really--if you look at this time last year-and what's happening now--its hard to be excited for the future. I am hopeful. Tomorrow scott and I are going to the nazarene church to see if we can find some people our age.

The highlights of Tuesday--My mom and one of my grandma's came to visit-so that made me a little happy to have company for the day. Scott and I went grocery shopping and got some yummy stuff. Thats happy too. Now, I must sleep for tomorrow I actually have to try and work.

In other super exciting news--Group publishing has selected my church to host one of the VBS promotion parties this spring..which means I get free VBS product, and I get to do some networking and hopefully give the church an even better VBS reputation than it already has. YAY!! (its the little things--I really wanted to do this) YAY!!

What a sad day

So, I'm minding my own business-bored out of my mind (scott was at work...no friends), when all of a sudden, I notice Bands Reunited is on VH1. Well, its better than the news so I put it on. And it just happens to be the New Kids on the Block episode. I immediately begin picking out who I would take to the reunion concert...and would you believe 3 out of the 5 new kids said NO to a reunion concert? Those self-centered jerks. My new favorite new kid is Jordan--because he said "sure-it's for the fans" so I love him. Joey just lost his spot in my heart (selfish jerk). Also-just so everyone knows, Jordan does NKOTB covers, and I personally would love to go see that. All in favor?

Terrorism.

I want to start by saying hurricanes in florida are a tragedy. But its something you can make sense of, so sorry if im not sympathetic to the fact that the news is full of hurricane stories when we spend less than 5 minutes addressing the recent terrorist attacks in russia. we had the world up in arms on sept. 11, and before that...spent countless hours reliving the horror of the Oklahoma city bombing. Put the two together, and we've got the terrorist incident that occurred last week in Russia. Over 350 dead, 450 more injured...and it barely gets 5 minutes on the news. I couldn't sleep saturday because i was so upset. now--that doesnt make me great at all..but it just seems so senseless...all those poor kids...and families. so i am upset. still. its just so sad. the attacks are a response to a recent election--makes you be glad no one will blow you up regardless of who takes office here after the election.

always here.

well, I can't sleep. to everyone who likes to stay updated on my life...skip to the bottom. or keep reading it is encouraging for everyone...but today its personal--this is my encouragement to one of my oldest and dearest friends. (you know who you are...)

My dear friend, I wish that I could be with you now, that we could be at steak and shake, that we could cry, and know that together everything will be okay. to turn tears to laughter, and jokes to deep philosophical discussions that have shaped both of our faiths. While I am still forever searching--i still find these truths to be universal. God loves us. Nothing can change that. Jesus died for us. Nothing can change that. We will hurt. God can hug us...metaphorically and through our steak and shake friends. I know that right now is a time in your life when you don't want to hear about God. You are angry at your circumstance, and above all--hurting so deeply you feel it will never go away. I want to tell you I am always here, nothing will ever change that. Every life is marked with pain. Some more than others--right now, yours more than most. but you do have some things you can be thankful for-family, friends (ahem), a place to sleep at night, food on the table, and all the other cliche encouragements you can think of.

Your hurt will fade, and there will be another-it will be harder to open your heart, but there is always something to be learned from each relationship. To trust now seems impossible, to believe in someone, even crazier. But it is possible. Don't give up hope. I will see you soon, and we can laugh, and cry-and talk about boys, Jesus, work, the meaning of life, and why all of a sudden, after of a quarter of a century do we discover that we know nothing. I love you. More deeply and powefully than you can even imagine. (and God loves you more than that...though I still don't have science to prove it..thus your struggle continues).

On another note--if you ever feel hurried by life and want to spend some time with God..(and if you have a fast connection and sound..preferably) you should check out the site below. Shout out to the catholics who have been doing this for years! I find that it relaxes me and makes me feel refreshed.

http://www.yfc.co.uk/labyrinth/online.html

Trivial things

So, today I am totally frustrated by finding out that after working for over a month, ordering supplies and getting approved through all the right people at church--that maybe the old way of doing it is too critical to cut, and so this project I had worked on must now be modified, and won't even work the way i intended. This leads me to being at home-frustrated and ready to scream...when I find out that my friend Mel's dad died. And I am totally overcome with the realization that my worries are petty-trivial things that can be fixed. So be sad for Mel's family. Pray for them. Pray that she can finally have some peace..and that she can be thankful she was married the week before he went into the hospital in may. Her birthday is saturday-thats probably when the funeral will be. And here I was worried about having to change the way I wanted to do childrens church.

crazy paranoia

Some days I feel like there is nothing going on. I worked all morning (got a lot of office work accomplished) planned an event, created a template, and then stared at these people who do a food co-op at our church. Now, they only come in one friday a month-and the truck brings the food, and they sort it, and they determine who gets what. The interesting thing about this group is that not one of them attends our church. Yet they have a key, and full use of our fellowship hall. Maybe I'm not trustworthy enough-but then again, my office is the only one on that level. I mean, there they are, doing a good thing for the community, and yet I am worried about them poisoning my fish or something. I know thats totally crazy because they are doing a service--but I just kept thinking--who are these people, and why are they doing this here? I mean, our church isn't exactly in the middle of downtown...it isn't even in town. So now we all know I'm paranoid, and don't trust anyone. It happens. I'm not happy about it, but it was my reaction.

Human Contact

Well, Scott got to spend a few days with his friends in St. Louis, and I got to be in kankakee-which happens to be a nice place to visit, as long as we're not living there. Tuesday I hung out with my family, then went to Rachel&Joel's, we played Trivial pursuit with Megan and Ryan. Then I talked to my favorite fish, and he just happened to be passing through, so we all went to the great steak and shake. It was fun, because I was around people. Now-these people are normally fun, but since it was like a special treat to be around people I knew--they were SUPER FUN. Then Joel and I worked on a fun puzzle. Wednesday was the Tivoli picnic, and that was-eh. The way it always is. I'm glad I went, but it wasn't anything spectacular. Then because it was storming again when it was time to drive home, I stayed-and hung out with Naomi Reynolds, who is more spectacular every time I talk with her. The funny news of our lives: Scott left monday, so tuesday I locked myself out of our house. I was in Kankakee wednesday, so Scott locked himself out of our house. We need to get some stock in the locksmith business :) All's well that ends well. Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho It's off to the council meeting I go.

GRR.

Ok, so my fantastic friend tim (who can sometimes be like a girl when it comes to emotions and drama) recently got seriously hurt by a girl. Now, this makes me really angry. It could be his own fault, since I warned him, but really I only hold it against her. It's the nature of girls. But honestly-she has emotional problems. and it is her fault. and while i do forgive her, the fact remains that her behavior patterns are not changing and therefore, i am not interested in listening to all of the things she has to say--heartless? Maybe. But I am a strong believer in honesty and therapy. which i believe everyone needs. we all need to know how to manage our emotions, and we all need support systems to do that. However, we also need to realize our limits and not wear ourselves out on people unwilling to be honest with themselves. I know its hard to be honest. I know its tough to admit whats wrong with the self. BUT it does help. and its really the only way to stay healthy-working on being an honest person. It's ok to hurt, and its ok not to hide that hurt. I guess thats my rant.

A new member of our family.

GUESS WHAT??? I'm pregnant! Hahahahaha!! Just kidding. No really, we do have a new member, a beautiful kitten to call our own. Scott would be happier if it was a dog..but sorry-the lease says no way. :) so we got a kitten. I am very very happy, because now i will have someone to hang out with on those lonely nights when scott is at work. The kitty doesn't have a name yet, but it is a girl, black with white paws. I am going to pick her up tonight hopefully. So she will have a name soon. We're taking suggestions.

I will admit maybe we take things slower than a lot of our friends, who are having babies or buying houses, while we are just at the "lets get a cat" stage-but thats ok. We don't have time for babies and houses, we are still young and free and wild. (ok maybe not...we barely have any friends) But it makes me happy. Very Very Happy.

In other news we celebrated our anniversary on saturday. I aquired the fantastic DanceDanceRevolution-which, for the record, is WAY harder than it looks. But it does have its fun spots, and it is good exercise (especially when I am trying SO hard). I need to go practice. I will master the easy level, I will.

YAY!!

So, first there is this not so happy bit of news...we have a children's musical every year on christmas eve--and I cannot bear being away from my family for christmas--but the musical must go on--and I, as their fearless leader, must be in attendance. It's a tragedy of epic proportions, but it happens, and I will muddle through. IN lighter news--scott and I applied to volunteer at Youth Specialties National Youthworker convention in Dallas--AND WE GOT ACCEPTED! This means we get to attend the convention for free, and we get tons of cool free stuff. I am super excited. I haven't been since 2001-and scott since 2000..so it will be FANTASTIC--I RECOMMEND EVERYONE GO-even if you don't work with teens. its a fantastic time :)

Which path will you choose?

What an amazing week at girls camp! We learned great songs about how we need Jesus now in our lives. I was so excited to have 14 amazing young ladies to spend a week with--It was exactly what I needed before conquering the mountain waiting for me at church. I know I go as a servant to show God's love and grace to the girls, but I am just as much touched and affected by the activities at camp. I play the games, I get in the canoes, I sing the songs and do the motions. Sometimes I feel guilty that I am having so much fun--and I can only pray that the girls are getting as much, hopefully more out of it. If I can be used to change the lives of anyone, and that change brings Glory to God--I am more than willing. It is by grace alone that I am able to be where I am--and I am ever so grateful.

Rainy days and picnics

So today-the only day it was truly cold and  a little rainy-was our church picnic.  We had a good time anyway (i.e. I actually hit the volleyball).  The kids wanted me to go swimming, but they are nuts being as everyone in sweatshirts was cold.  They went.  I watched. for .2 seconds as we were leaving.  I did get to actually talk to people at church who weren't expecting me to hav miracle answers for the crisis of sunday school, etc. so that was fantastic.  That made me feel a little better.  I like sundays because I feel like I am actually doing my job.  I am maybe taking over the teen sunday school class in a few weeks, but the problem being-I yet to be free enough during that hour to attend sunday school-let alone teach.  So scott may do it.  You may be thinking--isn't there a youth director-why yes-there is.  NO COMMENT.  I am supposed to be packing for girls camp-at this time tomorrow-i'll be in chapel--YAY for camp!! Funny story-I took a nap after the picnic (put off packing) and I woke up at 7:10.  There was light coming in the window and I thought I had slept ALL NIGHT and was going to be late (the trip to camp is 2 hours, I need to be there by 9:30) as I had not yet packed.  So I rush up the stairs...only to discover it is PM.  Now I have to pack. For real.  

Lonely.

Well, I just left home yesterday to work in kankakee for a few days and tonight i miss scottie.  I'm just so used to him being around :)  He's had a rough week, and i wish i could be there to cheer him up.  I feel bad because we still don't know very many people, so he just stays home watching tv.  The good news is that so far this week, the theatre has been super-fun...which makes it easier being here.  If only it were a little closer :)

Happy Birthday

Today is my brothers birthday.  In a few short hours we will be heading to kankakee to celebrate.  The most exciting thing about this trip to kankakee---MY CAR IS FINALLY FIXED.  They are supposed to call me today with the total (which i am sure is more than i have) and I will get to go pick up my car, and bring it to our new home in indiana for the first time.  I am very excited, I have missed my car terribly.  It's sad that we become so dependent on things like that, and how much we take them for granted.  Not anymore.  I am throwing a welcome home party for my car sometime this weekend.  I think there will be balloons, cake and of course, heartwarming speeches.  I think I will invite all the guys from the service station--since they have probably gotten to know my car really well in the last 2 MONTHS.  Anyway, that totally makes my day.  And i also have to say--its about time.  If i am truly this excited, then my car has been away too long.  There will be no sad goodbye with the devil summit i have been driving in my cars absence.  I am sure it will be happy to be back home with my parents.  Too bad i can't drive it into the river.  :)
 

the best of times.

today i had an activity with our 4, 5, 6 graders at the swim club. It was way fun, and i got sunburnt. Megan was here all day. Ryan came to get her and we went to fazolis for dinner. Then we went to sonic to get ice cream. THEN we decided to take a trip to the county fair. It was way better than the kankakee fair has ever been. We had SO much fun. There was no drama, and i found myself almost wishing megan and ryan lived closer so we could hang out more. Anyway, it was crazy fun, i rode spin-ny rides without getting sick and ate fair food, and yeah...it was just a good day.

Water anyone?

So, I work in kankakee on monday and tuesday every week. I get there yesterday, only to find that a pipe or pump or some main thing has busted and there is no water in the entire area, unless they have a well (which thankfully, my parents do-go hicks!). Anyway, as a food service establishment of sorts, we can't be open without water. So I got the day off yesterday and got to hang out with joel and rachel, which was super fun. Then today, because they issued a boil order until things are restored, we had to serve soda out of 2 liters..which meant we had to keep going to the store to buy soda. Not fun, but an experience anyway. It made my job not so dull. Then tonight, Megan offered to ride home with me (oh how i love the homeless) and so we had a fun car ride to hang out--which i totally love--i love megan when she is just being megan-with no one else around. So that was fantastic.

YAY

So, we officially have friends in Kokomo. I'm not sure if it counts, since they just moved from Momence, but oh well. We got to hang out with people without anyone having to drive over 2 hours. Molly and Brian made us dinner and then we played Yatzee like old married people (which i guess we are). Brian rocked all of us the first game, but ended up coming in last overall. It was pretty funny. It was relaxing and nice to have plans for a change-even though I'm sure I missed some great saturday night tv. The best part was that there was no drama. Kokomo is getting better and better.

The sad truth.

So, it would be easy to say i am not a political person. In fact, I have no idea where to even begin to understand. I have taken classes on politics, and as a 25 year old i should at least have some idea, but the whole concept is lost on me. This has been deeply troubling to me in light of the upcoming election. How do i decide who to vote for? I honestly don't think either candidate is fit to hold the office. Of course, I don't feel like i have a right to say that because of my political ignorance. Nobody is perfect, but it seems like these guys are totally off base. How do you decide who would make a good president? And what if you are wrong? Its very stressful. In fact, I am currently losing sleep over it, among other things. Ah well, I suppose I may as well get some stuff for work done. No point in rambling aimlessly all night when I don't even know what I am talking about.

What a great idea.

So my endless ramblings and self doubt can now be posted for the world to read. One of my dearest friends gave me the idea to try this crazy thing, and hey-i'm always up for adventure.