So my mom heads to the hospital in a few hours for surgery. It's a little stressful. Today, on the way home from kankakee, i was totally overcome with sadness over my uncles death (note-it was in november). so i cried. i dont feel better--it didnt change anything. and not to belittle it...Paul. I can't even imagine your pain. your family is in my prayers.
I keep thinking about all of the people who lost their lives last week because a few wackos can't deal with the idea of peace, or of their children being murdered by our guns. Either way. People, with families. So today, we go to watch the all-star game, and the announcer guy asks for a moment of silence for all of the people who died last week in london. I know the number was WAY smaller in london than here, but we paused all of baseball when we were attacked. And the thing is..the idiots can't even keep their mouths shut for like 15 seconds before people start yelling, and so obviously, we start the game. By having some trumpet guys play my country tis of thee, right after our moment of silence---WHAT????? Also, im not sure how a canadian team can become the Nationals but hey--its america anything can happen.
I wish i shared the enthusiasm of others about the upcoming weekend with charlie and harry. sounds like fun. my best friends are moving away. this im sure of. and they probably should. but that doesn't mean i cant be upset about it. and that doesnt mean im not happy for them. but it does mean, i cant really do anything about it, so why dwell...and my mom is sick. and kyle is getting worse. so charlie, harry. i love both of you very much. and i am sure that you will bring me some superficial joy. but im sorry some fictional characters aren't the high points of life.
I AM SO SAD. Pretty much im pathetic. i just want to be happy. thats who i am. i don't do sad well at all. and the best part...i dont even feel like i can talk to anyone about it. why burden others? why make them sad. just get through it. I thought that living closer to rachel and joel would be good for all of us. but theres still this disconnectedness, this sadness. earlier, i heard one of the 2000 blizzard trip songs. the one i hated most. Save tonight fight the break of dawn Come tomorrow Tomorrow I'll be gone.
yeah i cried. the world has changed so much. theres so much anger, and sadness in everyone i know. is it school shootings, terrorism, technology, or impatience? does anyone make Godly decisions anymore? I remember I used to pray "Let my heart be broken with the things that break the heart of God" Thats a little too intense, and if i ever wanted to take back a prayer-its that one. Yeah. im gonna go lay on my couch and cry. don't try and console me. i'll be alright. for the record, im not hormonal. im heartbroken. as we all should be.
1 comment:
Thank you Sara, I appreciate it.
The original name for the Washington baseball team was the senators, but no one wanted to be associated with the senate these days, so the Nationals was better.
The fictional characters are helping keep me from depression, I bought comic books yesterday and it helped me feel better. This weekend, Fantastic Four and then buying the new Harry Potter.
And I cried a lot, and there will be more as my heart fills up with sadness, but really, that's what crying is for, to empty your heart of accumulated sadness.
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