depression.

well. im home from camp. that makes me depressed. i hate when camp is over. i wish i lived at ec camp. i mean, maybe get the weekends off, but for the most part, be at ec camp. maybe i should try and work at a sheltered workshop or something. not a group home, but if i could find a special rec program or something. here are the highlights: tons of chapel music. splash valley. pepsi shots. my counselors. the campers. Jesus. Sleeping in the dining hall. hanging out with charles, brian and andy on the couches. nurse april. the trip to chicago. my talk with timmy (im so proud of him). megan visiting. hugs from ashley or lisa l. dancing with lisa b. making the counselors try to figure out impossible verses. chicken nuggets and taco salad. running out of food at lunch. helping in snack shack. learning about the campground. New mattresses? rob falling off the swing. stunt time. going on the roof. not making jeremys bed. ok. so maybe there were too many great things about camp. i got to hang out with melanie, get to know stephanie better, and mary suprisingly. yeah. if you've never been-you should go. if you have been, you should go back. we should have a website and such in a few weeks.

In other more serious news--my mom has skin cancer. its not as serious as it could be, but it is cancer, so it is serious. please pray for my family and my mom as she begins treatment in the next few weeks. the crazy thing is that except for getting bored being home all the time, she's feeling better than she has in a long time.

Also, we changed our cell phone numbers so they were local to the danville area. if you want the new number, email me or comment and i'll get it right to you. sprint doesn't leave a forwarding number so the old ones just don't work anymore.

Scott and i got in a fight today. i hate fighting. its ok now, but it sucked for awhile. its hard to explain how things feel inappropriate, and make me uncomfortable. the biggest thing is respect. its not about trust, its about not putting yourself in a position that makes someone uncomfortable. its hard to explain, and i know that the other person (not scott) thats involved is probably mad at me now, and for that im sorry. i've tried to explain how i feel, and no one seems to understand. if i could go back in time and change everything i would...but i can't. we had come so far, made it all week with no problems...only to be set back again. tell me you're happy for me, tell me its ok to feel the way i do. how would you feel if you were me? i wish we could just talk, but i dont know how. i know you're upset, but i don't understand why you don't respect how i feel. im not asking you to lose a friendship. im asking you to help repair this one. im sorry. it makes me feel worthless and unimportant. maybe thats selfish, maybe its crazy...but getting mad isn't going to change it. in fact, the truth is, getting mad only makes me more upset because then not only do i have these feelings, but i dont understand what the big deal is. my request isnt that outrageous. it only eliminates like 3 places in the whole world. i wish i could make you understand. i had a great time with you this week. i miss hanging out, and it made me wish we lived closer together. i don't know. im rambling, and everyone reading this is probably totally confused. but at least i got it out of my system.

sorry for all the crazy talk. its probably the last two weeks are finally over and i have 2 official days off this week-with no worries about camp, vbs, or weddings. if anyone wants to come to catlin and lay on the couch with me...then give me a call.

***Jesus wept. --John 11:35***