Taking the Plunge!

After some prayer, a few discussions, and a lot of nervous energy, I have officially decided to learn all I can about becoming a disney travel consultant. I started the training program tonight. I will continue in foster care as long as I can. I've set one year as the time in which I will commit to this new project. After that, I'll evaluate how much time I'm spending, and if its worth it. I'm excited about it, but I'm nervous too. It's overwhelming, but it's something I've considered for over a year. No point in putting it off any longer, may as well dive in and see if I can make it!

Shopping!

I totally LOVED the stores opening at MIDNIGHT! Scott went out black friday shopping with me for the first time, and Daley, then Joe joined up with us during the night. It was a ton of fun. Now, here I sit on Saturday night, with almost ALL of my shopping done.

I still don't have answers about my job, but it'll work out I'm sure. I'm still considering joining the travel industry and spending my days making other people happy. I think that you should not ALLOW your 18 year old self to determine what your 30 year old self would enjoy doing every day. To be fair, I do like most aspects of my current job, but on nights like this, I'm left wondering if maybe something else would be more enjoyable.

I brought home probably 3 hours worth of work that I need to do this weekend. I haven't quite gotten to any of it, so Sunday is looking like it's going to be a long day. Some of it MUST be done tomorrow no matter what, as its DUE at 9am Monday. The rest of it, I just need to focus to get done for the end of the month.

I was really excited for a student on our quiz team today--her mom set up a "secret scavenger hunt from Santa--the last clue disclosing that they are going on a DISNEY CRUISE. Pretty excited for her, that's an amazing gift.

5 months?

Ok. So, its been 5 months since I updated. This is the news I have to share: I am a failure. I got up to 5 minutes of running before I gave up, as my lungs continued to complain and remind me that I am not a runner. However, today we got the news that my co-workers and I have expected for months. Catholic Charities is closing their child welfare division. I'm pretty angry about it, and could probably benefit from a long run. I couldn't afford to go to the race, but maybe it would help.
Here are the reasons I am angry:
1. Catholic Charities did nothing to look out for the best interest of their employees or the families we serve. I can't speak completely to that right now, but next month, if I truly am unemployed, I will.
2. Catholic Charities said in their statement today that the financial burden was too great. It would be nice if they could at least not act like we're a burden in our final weeks. Maybe a little sadness, or tears. I mean, not a national holiday or anything, but SOMETHING.
3. Those children already have had their lives disrupted, and Catholic Charities has not done due diligence to ensure them the least disruption (again, more from the unemployment line).
4. I have believed for 5 years that Catholic Charities cared about more than money.
5. I'm terrified about being unemployed, so it is easier to be angry.

Now, back to running. If I don't have a job, I'll have plenty of time to train. Then, when I get a totally awesome new job doing something that I love (and possibly not child welfare related) I will be able to go to a RunDisney event.

I'm contemplating marketing, or event planning. Maybe even data entry for awhile, or retail. I'm pretty jaded about child welfare at the moment, but in truth, the kids of Illinois deserve some stability, so I won't take social work completely off the table just yet. I just might take a break for awhile. Work on running. Work on learning a new trade. Having an adventure. The adventure today is how we will pay the bills come January 1st. For today though, I'm trusting that God has a plan bigger than I can see, and an exciting adventure is awaiting just around the corner.

Maybe even Catholic Charities will surprise me, and we'll get a really sweet deal with minimal transition.

No matter what, I'm sure I'll have more time for blogging, so check back soon!

a heart breaking day.

Ok, so its been over a month, but I'm a work in progress.

Today, I started my day early, showering, and hanging out with Ruby. Fun stuff. But then, I returned to work after having been sick for 3 days last week. Almost immediately my heart was BROKEN. See, I have a kid, who's been on my caseload since she came into care in January 2008. She's been through a lot. She's gotten her life together famously, honor roll, active in youth group, model kid. She's been with her foster family 2.5 years, 3 christmases. I arrived to the news that her foster parents were splitting up. It broke my heart. Today, I spent a LOT of time with her, and cried with and for her. I cried for her foster parents too--they've been married a long time, and a lot of hurtful things are being said by everyone.

Molly, Lori, and Hannah were here tonight, listening to my story, and sharing my heartache. I am thankful for friends who can be here, and that makes my heart long for those who can't. I miss the small group culture of a few important ladies in my life.

The glory in this is tonight, I see this facebook status: How lucky are we to have a God that we cannot exaggerate.

AMEN. That makes my heart sing. Loudly in praise to a God who has things under control. Who we can't exaggerate. Who sees our heartache and wraps his arms around us. ALL OF US. Tonight, I pray for peace for this broken and hurting family. and for a girl, who i love deeply, who may be losing her second family. God can handle this, and his peace is all we've got some days.

Bucket list.

Ok. So, I always thought a bucket list was a cute idea, but not entirely something I would add in to my life. My very ambitious friend Anndee does a more intense version--having set 30 goals to reach by 30, and on her 30th birthday setting 40 by 40. I think those were NEW goals, not recycled, just adding 10. I admire her. I did just check and she hasn't updated her list in over a year. Still. It's a cool idea.

About a year ago, I was playing around on a (not THE) disney page. I was in a forum, and came across ALL these people setting goals to run something called "disney princess half marathon". Gee, that sounds really fun, I thought to myself.

Everyone who knows me just reacted like this "Wait, what? No, that doesn't sound fun. Your running philosophy is to only run when chased".

This, my friends is a sad, but true statement about my life. So, I began eating a little better and drinking that dreaded clear stuff that comes out of the faucet a little more. I even tried running. I did. I got advice from people I know who had run marathons. I also told a few people of my grand plan--to motivate me. I read a lot of things on running. It seemed almost any idiot could do it. Well, i'm not any idiot. I worked hard for most of May and June on this task, but by July--well, I was frustrated. So, I quit. I had plenty of time anyway, as I had set my heart on the disney princess 2012. I still talked about wanting to run the half, but more as a distant dream. I even went out and ran, or at least walked fast...when the weather was nice. Then, OTHER people started to say they wanted to go too. REALLY? It was obvious to me the people saying this were also not runners.

2 months ago, i started running again...a little more consistently.

This week, I've freaked myself out completely. First, this is the 3rd week in a row i'm doing 90 second intervals. I just can't seem to break through that. WHAT IF I NEVER DO?? --doing away with my defeatist attitude, im shooting for 2 minutes next week. baby steps.

Yesterday, I actually measured out far 13.1 miles. Let me tell you, that is a REALLY long distance. Longer perhaps than my mind had managed to believe.

But, the freak outs did not defeat me. I didn't go run this morning. But, I did go run tonight. I also started making a list to repeat to myself to motivate me as I go.

*I can be a runner because I am a runner. I am running.
*I will be a good example for my daughter.
*I really want that princess medal.
*If this gets me a trip to disney, its worth it.
*I deserve to be healthy.
*If Oprah can run a marathon, I can do half of that.

All of my runner friends say things like "running off stress", "running releases endorphins, so you'll love it", "Running is fun". I have yet to believe ANY of these things. Running makes me stressed, running makes me tired, and running is NOT exactly my idea of fun.

The race is in 298 days. I better get some sleep.