Bucket list.

Ok. So, I always thought a bucket list was a cute idea, but not entirely something I would add in to my life. My very ambitious friend Anndee does a more intense version--having set 30 goals to reach by 30, and on her 30th birthday setting 40 by 40. I think those were NEW goals, not recycled, just adding 10. I admire her. I did just check and she hasn't updated her list in over a year. Still. It's a cool idea.

About a year ago, I was playing around on a (not THE) disney page. I was in a forum, and came across ALL these people setting goals to run something called "disney princess half marathon". Gee, that sounds really fun, I thought to myself.

Everyone who knows me just reacted like this "Wait, what? No, that doesn't sound fun. Your running philosophy is to only run when chased".

This, my friends is a sad, but true statement about my life. So, I began eating a little better and drinking that dreaded clear stuff that comes out of the faucet a little more. I even tried running. I did. I got advice from people I know who had run marathons. I also told a few people of my grand plan--to motivate me. I read a lot of things on running. It seemed almost any idiot could do it. Well, i'm not any idiot. I worked hard for most of May and June on this task, but by July--well, I was frustrated. So, I quit. I had plenty of time anyway, as I had set my heart on the disney princess 2012. I still talked about wanting to run the half, but more as a distant dream. I even went out and ran, or at least walked fast...when the weather was nice. Then, OTHER people started to say they wanted to go too. REALLY? It was obvious to me the people saying this were also not runners.

2 months ago, i started running again...a little more consistently.

This week, I've freaked myself out completely. First, this is the 3rd week in a row i'm doing 90 second intervals. I just can't seem to break through that. WHAT IF I NEVER DO?? --doing away with my defeatist attitude, im shooting for 2 minutes next week. baby steps.

Yesterday, I actually measured out far 13.1 miles. Let me tell you, that is a REALLY long distance. Longer perhaps than my mind had managed to believe.

But, the freak outs did not defeat me. I didn't go run this morning. But, I did go run tonight. I also started making a list to repeat to myself to motivate me as I go.

*I can be a runner because I am a runner. I am running.
*I will be a good example for my daughter.
*I really want that princess medal.
*If this gets me a trip to disney, its worth it.
*I deserve to be healthy.
*If Oprah can run a marathon, I can do half of that.

All of my runner friends say things like "running off stress", "running releases endorphins, so you'll love it", "Running is fun". I have yet to believe ANY of these things. Running makes me stressed, running makes me tired, and running is NOT exactly my idea of fun.

The race is in 298 days. I better get some sleep.