thats not my....

....ministry.

Many of you who have spent any time with me over the last year know that i have been fighting a losing battle with God when it comes to the senior high youth at my church.

I LOVE working with preteens--and well--as far as teenagers--i love quizzing--and so i have to encounter teenagers there--but generally on a more focused scale--and beyond that--well--im really more into childrens ministry.

14 months ago, we moved back to kankakee, and started a quiz team at kankakee first. it was great, because scott could really get involved with the senior high students, and i could spend time getting involved with our preteens. which is what i did. i spent wednesday nights, filling in and helping out in classrooms in our childrens department. I LOVE THE CHILDRENS DEPARTMENT. even beyond preteens, i spent some time with first graders, and well..it was just an overall good time--i went to district teen events--I mean, i totally supported NYI and what the youth pastors and leaders across the district were trying to do--i just didn't really feel like i needed to be a part of it. I was even going to NYC-which is a huge-every-four-year-teen-event. But, I convinced myself that was enough.

At the beginning of the summer, i was teaching 2nd grade sundayschool, and helping out at district youth events. My youth pastor would ask if I wanted to help with this or that or whatever--and I firmly told him over and over that senior high students were not my ministry. I was happy and comfortable, and well, content in the role i was in.

Thats where God comes in. See, where I'm content and what God calls me to are totally different things. I spent some time getting to know some of the students who would be going to NYC, and realized that there was a huge need for female leaders in our youth group. So foolishly, I began to pray that God would send someone to these amazing young people. I showed up and helped out at our district stuff pre-NYC. And then I went. and I remember after the friday evening service, it was time to tell the youth pastor the crazy thing God had been speaking into my heart since before the trip. I didn't really want to tell him--because, well--then I would be held accountable--but that is why we speak--to be held accountable.

(WAIT!! Heres something else you need to know--growing, getting out of my comfort zone-i've done it-but senior high students scare me to death. I mean, i was in high school once--and i know how hard it can be sometimes. I also know from being around our students that they expect honestly. Weak, flawed, sincere honesty. And, they know when you're bluffing.)

So I told my youth pastor that friday at NYC--I had just gotten the opportunity to take over the preteen girls sunday school class, and I was NOT going to give that up, and didn't feel that God wanted me to. BUT, i was going to start showing up at senior high youth group on wednesday nights--because God called me to be that person i had been praying for.

After our amazing preteen retreat in October, I offered my services to our youth pastor for the senior high retreat on an "as needed" basis. Maybe i was tired, maybe i realized the value of retreat experiences...maybe i was just hungry.

two weeks ago, my adorable husband calls me up after youth group (i had come home) and says "Steve needs you to go on retreat. Is that ok?"

Thanks God. I was kinda hoping that i had met my "requirement" with showing up on wednesday nights, and doing some follow up throughout the week. I mean, i could talk about retreat once they got back, right? but i realized that maybe God's plans are bigger than mine--so i said i would go.

Now--reading this, you might think--you can't be effective where don't want to be. BUT--thats where it gets super crazy. I believe that God gives us the desires of our hearts if we truly seek HIM with our whole being. And that must mean that i was wrong. It's ok to have more than one passion. More than one desire. I can LOVE my preteen girls on Sunday mornings, and I have come to honestly love the girls in our youth group. I'm not there out of some "obligation".

I'm there because God wants me to be. And, I've learned but listening to Gods whisper--its where I really want to be-even if its not....well....maybe i need Philippians 2:12-13 and God's Grace for the adventure.

Happy thanksgiving week.
Oh, and in case I didn't happen to mention it--I had a great time on our Senior high retreat.