profound.

Sorry Megan. You know what kind of mood i was in, so this one will probably be profound too.

So this is from The Message, by Eugene Peterson-who has a fantastic Bible paraphrase (NOT to replace regular Bible reading, but as a helpful modern supplement).
It's from Matthew 6:approximately verses 33-34

Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

Ok. So I spent all day stressed out, and listened all day to Scott telling me God loved me and it would be ok. I went for a walk and I prayed. It was one of those times where God felt like being God and kept his mouth shut. Or i was too stressed out to really listen. Then Megan asks me about praying, which was actually helpful, because YES i had prayed, but I had left it at that. So I started thinking about how I expected God to give me this perfect answer which I know isn't even in the nature of God. But its what I WANTED. So I go to grab my copy of the message, and suprise-its still at the church. Which sucks. Because I needed a fresh outlook. Having studied and quizzed for so long, all of those do not worry about tomorrow verses ring pretty much cliche in my head. However, those same verses as translated above have given me peace. A new outlook. I know its not the end of the world, but moving, buying a car, etc just gets overwhelming. And it doesnt help that LSS hasn't called..because if I take the other job--well there goes camp, quizzing, and the youthworker convention. All those things I care about and feel that God wants me doing...unable to be done because i have to work nights and weekends for the rest of my life. But its going to be all right. What is God doing right now that I should be concerned with? I have some amazing junior high quizzers that I can't wait to hang out with every week. I have great friends, family and a wonderful supportive husband. We have food in the fridge (mostly eggs, but thats ok) and in the pantry (here its noodles or tuna) and we have cell phones and a landline, and internet and all the other fancy things that we expect to have and don't really need *thanks scottie* so maybe its time to rethink. If i'm so worried about tomorrow, then im obviously lacking in faith. Of course, this is easier to say than to actually believe. I am worried about tomorrow, but the change in attitude is that I trust God will provide for me tomorrow the same way He did today with phone calls from friends, and hugs from my husband and all the other things, like the cool breeze to help my eyes.

So this has gotten longer than I planned. I'm still stressed, but for tonight, I have a place to rest and I trust that tomorrow God will provide me at least that much if not way more than I can currently hope to have on my own.