restless.

this is the third attempt at this post. i am sad to see one of my very dearest friends going through a sad period. I was trying to make this post full of comfort and encouragement. I want you to be happy, I want you to start living your life and stop waiting for something better. I love you and you make me happy. I don't know how to say the right things, and I know that so many times I say the wrong things. I unintentionally hurt your feelings, and we never talk about it. I can't even imagine how hard it is for you to be so far away from the people you are closest to-remember home is where you rest your rump :)

Of course in thinking about all of this, i can't help but think about how lazy our generation is. If we don't get what we want, we sit around and wait until we can get it. we've stopped setting goals, and looking for ways to improve our every day quality of life. I complain about wanting to lose weight, but instead of applying a little bit of discipline and not eating all that candy, i prefer to just wish it away. In Kokomo, instead of trying to get involved and meet new people, all I did was whine and complain and watch tv. I didn't want to be there, and allowed myself to be miserable instead of putting in effort to try and enjoy it. Its a wonder we're capable of feeling anything. Its a terrible depression, and it sneaks up on you until you are sleeping and watching tv, and eating chips and wishing your life was completely different. Catlin has been so much better. Part of that is because we now have Rachel and Joel right down the street. we'll be lucky if they're still there a year from now. But its also been better because I am trying to make it better. I am substitute teaching, and actually talking to people about getting involved. I am making an effort to just be nice, and really trying to get to know people. Not as the youth pastors wife, but as someone on a journey, sincerely caring about those i come into contact with. This isn't directed at anyone, but rather a reflection on how things need to change in my life.

I love you. I see your hurt and have no idea how to make it better. I'm just slightly too far away and the fact that you open up to me means more than you know. If it were up to me, I would make it all better. I would help you and encourage you the way I keep saying I will. I would call you or email you every day to hold you to your disciplines. I am sorry I am failing you. I want you to be happy. I want you to feel loved. I want you to belong, and feel accepted and enjoy this part of our journey. I will try harder. I will do what I can, if you let me.

classic cinemas and such.

So i gave notice sunday at kerasotes...so that i can go back to the good ole classic for the summer...heres some crazy news im sure you all need to hear--despite my own desire to return to the comfort of the classic, i do NOT want to manage a theatre for the rest of my life. However, when you already have over 20,000 in school debt, its hard to justify going back. I want to go back--like in august would be good--but i can't get into the programs i want...so i guess it just gets put off another year. I have also considered a temporary career as a professional substitute. I will be working 3 maybe 4 days next week. One day i can't work because of WICKED (i am so excited!!!) so yeah. Its not like i couldn't do it and make the same amount of dollars--plus then i get to do all the fun stuff, and enjoy my weekends for the first time in ummm....8 years. So yeah. Thats the big news. The only other news is joel and i have built our pickmin army up over 1000. thats right-go pickmin!

another thing stolen from kimmy!

Survey

[spell your first name backwards]: aras
[Aim/yahoo User name]: cuteduck223
[The story behind your user name]: well, my mom picked it when she set up accounts-but i am cute, like ducks and 223 is the anniversary of my birth
[Where do you live?]: Catlin, Illinois


Describe Your:

[Wallet]: it's one of those olivet ones-its purple. and a little faded.

[Jewelry worn daily]: watch, hairties, wedding ring, and ring from valentines day
[Shoes]: flip-flops
[Piercings]: ears only please and thank you

[What you are wearing now]: dallas YS shirt and jeans

[Wishing]: no debt. :) vacation
[Talking to]: rachel, scottie
[Eating]: hot'n spicy pork rinds
[something you're looking forward to in the upcoming month] WICKED! May 3rd
[The last thing you ate?]: before my pork rinds? part of a candy bar. i have the best eating habits EVER
[Something that you are deathly afraid of?]: darkness
[Do you believe in love]: yeah baby!
[Do you believe in soul mates]: sure :)
[Do you believe in love at first sight]: crazy-but i spose its in the realm of possibility
[Do you believe in forgiveness]: yes 100%
[What's something you wish you could understand better?]: Scripture
[Anyone you miss that you haven't seen in a long time?]: April

The Last Time You:

[Got sick]: all the time

[Ate]: all the time
[Kissed someone]: few minutes ago
[Felt stupid]: this is also a regular occurance--theres just so much i don't know
[Told someone you loved them]: earlier tonite
[Moved on]: yeah. im not great at that.
[Talked to an ex]: we'd need to define ex.
[had a serious talk]: last nite
[Hugged someone]: a few minutes ago
[Fought with your parents]: Not for a while...we get along pretty well
[Done something your parents said not to}: dont remember
[Would you rather be with friends or on a date?]: dating friends? im usually out with my regular posse(joel, rachel, scottie) and i like them just fine.
[Where is the best hangout?]: IGA parking lot--no--umm..probably a theatre.
[Who do you like being around?]: nice people.
[Who do you argue the most with?]: scottie.
[Who do you always get along with?]: joel.
[Who do you trust the most?]: the most? the posse.
[Makes you laugh the most?]: all of them
[Has been there through all the hard times?]: posse
[has the coolest parents?]: i dunno.

[Has the coolest siblings?]: rachel
[Is the most blunt?]: umm..depends on the situation
[Is the smartest?]: scottie

Random Questions:

[Who is your role model?]:

[Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with?]: yeah...but paul rudd still doesn't return my letters
[Have you ever cried over the opposite sex?]: what girl hasnt??
[Ever wanted to get revenge on someone because they hurt you]: yeah..but im learning to not want to do that...and give it to God...
[Rather be the dumper or dumped?]: neither. its totally sucky for either member.
[Ever liked your best guy/girl friend?]: yes
[Want to get married?]: well, i am...and its awesome!
[Want kids?]: maybe one or two--though im not a big fan of birthing.
[Do you believe you know the person whom you will marry at this point in time?]: i hope scottie and i stay together forever :)
[What is your favorite part of your emotional being?]: my passion! (even though sometimes it causes problems)
[Are you happy with you?]: yep! except for my fatty fat..but that'll change when i learn discipline
[Are you happy with your life?]: Yep! i would like to get a better job, but overall..its a good life

a stolen fun thing

I stole this from kimmy...so why not!

A - Age you got your first kiss: umm..real kiss--probably the summer after 7th grade.

B - Band listening to right now: um...the disney princess cd.

C - Crush: I suppose Scottie (he's my favorite!). If it wasn't him--it would forever be PAUL RUDD.

D - Dad's name: Michael Dean Taylor

E - Easiest person to talk to: scott, rachel or joel? but it could be lots of people

F - Favorite bands at the moment: Stellar Kart (because of livin on a prayer), bowling for soup, or hey-what about the all time favorite NKOTB *pictures melanie singing into a broom on a bench at the meadowview*

G - Gummy worms or gummy bears? Gummy worms-but thats a tough one

H - Hometown: chebanse, IL is my hometown. i currently reside in glorious catlin, IL

I - Instruments: once upon a time, clarinet-oh. or hand bells. if someone marks my music.

J- Junior High: Nash Middle School

K - Kids: scared to birth em, but i'd like a few...maybe one or two..then fostering or adoption

L - Longest car ride ever: Disney trip with scott, taryn, and jay in the jetta-no air.

M - Mom's name: Phyllis Ann Taylor

N - Nicknames: sam, T, one t, burritto.

O - One wish: for people to truly see Jesus in me. oh yeah, and world peace.

P - Phobia[s]: the dark, demons, monsters, ghosts, murderers, rapists, heights, water parks --typical stuff.

Q - Quote: God loves each of us as if there were only one of us.

R - Reason to smile: slushies at work. finally.

S - Song you sang last: probably something scott and i microphoned in the car

T - Time you woke up today: 1:00 pm (saturday)

U - Unknown fact about me: if i told you, it wouldn't be unknown.

V - Vegetable you hate: hate veggies? thats just wrong :)

W - Worst habit(s): procrastination, judging people

X - X-rays you've had: teeth, wrist, stomach (when you have to drink the yucky stuff)

Y - Yummy food: corn on the cob.

Z - Zodiac sign: pisces

well, that was fun.

fantastic friday.

well, first off, last nite i was grumpy because i wanted to go to champaign and couldn't because of stupid work-the only highlight being i watched the new amityville...and yay! they didn't ruin it...its just as scary as the original (if you don't think the original is scary-sorry for ya). Then i came home, went to sleep and got to substitute today in catlin. I had the most adorable 3rd grade class. they were almost too good. for sure one of the best subbing days ever. now if i could just get the teachers to talk to me...
anyway. im gonna relax a little before heading off to craptown cinemas. sigh.

I'm BAAAAACK!!!!

Hello all.

Tons of stuff has happened, but most of you will probably find it at least slighly boring...so i won't tell you about ALL of it. So far--catlin is fantastic..minus my stupid job...but its only temporary. We went to homer emporium the other day...mmm...they gots some delicious soda :)
wazfest was really successful...and no paul..sorry it wasn't all about you--his last name was waselewski--so yeah. im sure you can get it from there. i miss jen and the markland gang...and i miss target. otherwise...things couldn't be much better. i just wanted everyone to know we got it workin...and now i need to go to bed.