Everybody hurts....sometimes...

So, first and foremost, I agree with Natalie..there is probably more than one truth. I could tell the whole story again, and everything is different. I remember a lot of my hurt and anger during the wedding summer coming from setting a date, and then having someone else decide they were also going to get married --the week before. I remember spraining my ankle and taking a 9 hour car trip to be ignored the week before my wedding..a weekend I should have stayed home to deal with my ankle, and finish some things for my wedding. I remember a constant complaint about the dress, and someone arriving over 45 minutes late to rehearsal during the very last run through. The run through which followed prayer and discussion with the pastor over what to do with about the missing bridesmaid. While I do feel a great deal of regret at not being able to be a comfort when I was perhaps needed several months ago, I had not disappeared or forgotten anyone, in the fact that my email address hasn't changed in over 8 years, and my parents have had the same phone number for 10. I did ask one other person about what had happened, because I got little to no response.

While I don't elaborate on tears or anger in my abridged version, I believe the tension began long before a decision about who should be in any wedding. I think the tension began when, the fall of our senior year of high school, there was a discussion about where home truly was--and how easy it was to disregard the feelings of those who were at "home".

My honest opinion, NONE OF IT MATTERS. Everyone gets their feelings hurt, things happen that we don't agree with...and we all feel abandoned at different times. However, to say that anyone is more wrong would I think belittle the feelings of the other. Had I known that so much was still building up on the other end, perhaps a resolution would have been made sooner, apologies made, tears exchanged and love mended. I can admit to having hurt feelings, and to hurting others. It can only be resolved as we let go...and that takes effort from everyone...I had let go of many of these things a long time ago, and in the retelling, perhaps thats why I lack emotion--not because there wasn't any, but because I had forgiven it.

This is probably the last I have to say on the subject, because no matter how many retellings of a story there are, no one will be able to agree on any single truth, and neither party will know the feelings of the other. To you, I say I'm sorry--you are loved, and have never been forgotten. I was where you were and had I known when it happened, I would have done anything to hold your hand. You are loved, no matter what you think. The decisions I made came no easier for me than for you, I just hid it better. So, maybe its all out, maybe its not, but I am going to put it into the past, leave it forgiven, and wonder what happens next.