Today I woke up unhappy. This is not unusual. I hate kokomo. I made some potato soup, scottie and I had lunch and then he scampered off to work. Work. I should go there too. I need to get some things to glue for friday. And I need to call some volunteers about friday. I just wish we didn't have to do VBS. Its a great idea...but we don't have any materials to use--i had to come up with stuff just like..ta-da. Stupid. I got 30 hours again at the theatre. Thats good since its one of the few things i look forward to.
Scott knows its getting bad. he brought me flowers last night to make me cheered. It worked a little. I love him, and i know that its hard for him to see me so sad when there isnt anything he can do about it. Things at his job are getting worse too--he now has to work between 3 different houses to try and get 40 hours. Its crazy stupid, and I wish there was something I could do to make him feel better about it. He finally found a job he doesn't mind so much--and they just keep shuffling him around.
It just seems like things won't ever get better. We pray a lot about crown point, about getting out of here, about going anywhere else. Today, I felt like calling joel and rachel to see if they could get us jobs--but with all of our bills, those jobs just wouldn't cut it. I feel like we're drowning. THere isn't anyone at all here that we can confide in, anyone to share our hopes or our fears with. Its incredibly hard. The only bright spot in this day will be that its tuesday--and thats a quality tv day for me (veronica mars, SVU, and judging amy). I haven't watched this much tv in years...like since probably the summer of my 6th grade year. ALL I DO is watch tv. Maybe its my fault that things suck so badly here. If only there was more to hope for.
2 comments:
It can be tough to find a good job, but you have to keep trying. If you don't like it, are you so in debt that you cannot leave?
Don't let it get you down, there have to be SOME happy things about it, right? There are NO silver linings? There's nothing happy? Read comics, that always makes me feel happy. And no, I'm not kidding.
Sarer, I'm worried about you. Have you talked to your doctor about this? Not about the no-jobs-situation but about the continued and deepening feelings of unhappiness and hopelessness? I talked to my doctor back in July about these kind of feelings after YEARS (prolly as far back as freshman year of high school, but mostly the 2 years of living in Frederick). She prescribed Lexapro (no jokes, thank you very much) and it really helped. I had to stop taking it because of the baby (for the first trimester) but it helped me have a brighter outlook and it took the edge off of little things that bothered me.
I love you, girl!
Post a Comment