there'll be no sad tomorrow?

Today I woke up unhappy. This is not unusual. I hate kokomo. I made some potato soup, scottie and I had lunch and then he scampered off to work. Work. I should go there too. I need to get some things to glue for friday. And I need to call some volunteers about friday. I just wish we didn't have to do VBS. Its a great idea...but we don't have any materials to use--i had to come up with stuff just like..ta-da. Stupid. I got 30 hours again at the theatre. Thats good since its one of the few things i look forward to.

Scott knows its getting bad. he brought me flowers last night to make me cheered. It worked a little. I love him, and i know that its hard for him to see me so sad when there isnt anything he can do about it. Things at his job are getting worse too--he now has to work between 3 different houses to try and get 40 hours. Its crazy stupid, and I wish there was something I could do to make him feel better about it. He finally found a job he doesn't mind so much--and they just keep shuffling him around.

It just seems like things won't ever get better. We pray a lot about crown point, about getting out of here, about going anywhere else. Today, I felt like calling joel and rachel to see if they could get us jobs--but with all of our bills, those jobs just wouldn't cut it. I feel like we're drowning. THere isn't anyone at all here that we can confide in, anyone to share our hopes or our fears with. Its incredibly hard. The only bright spot in this day will be that its tuesday--and thats a quality tv day for me (veronica mars, SVU, and judging amy). I haven't watched this much tv in years...like since probably the summer of my 6th grade year. ALL I DO is watch tv. Maybe its my fault that things suck so badly here. If only there was more to hope for.

Deck the halls...

Well, thanksgiving was fantastic! Yummy food, fun with friends...it was different, and sad at times, but still outstanding overall. And the best part-the day after thanksgiving its time to decorate for christmas! YAY!! we decorated our tree last night. It was much fun. I was supposed to work until 8pm tonight, but Jen let me leave because I have a cold. Hoorah! Not that I have a cold, but that I got to come home and lay on my couch to feel better. At work this morning we got out all of the christmas decorations. apparently, we were supposed to get permission before decorating, but we just couldn't wait...so we just went ahead. Our theatre gets about as much attention from corporate as say...oh, what can you compare with NONE? Anyways. Holly Jolly. I was excited. It was fun. I also did some preliminary pricing of what I want to get scott...hmm...time to go lay on the couch!

Buttery popcorn love.

For those of you who thing a movie theatre is a crazy place to want to be employed full time at the age of 25--you are wrong. In fact, if they paid me enough-i would work there full time. I used to think I hated it, and it was temporary (get through college, pay bills, etc) but the truth is...I LOVE IT. We have spongebob right now...its fun. its also way fun to run out of popcorn because the popper breaks down repeatedly, to hear people say things like "wow, we had 250 people for that show" to that i laugh to myself and think--250? i could do that in my sleep. Since it was busy, and we had a sneak of "finding neverland" jen let katie and i stay until 7:15...2 extra hours of fun. She also let us go to the pizza place and get ice...we ran out of that too. And we got to sit in the back and make popcorn together...it was a pretty fun day...even busy and all :)

The other great thing about movie theatres--for the most part--you can meet some really great people. We've been in Kokomo six months..had only one person (not even the pastor) invite us for dinner, and we pretty much have no friends. I have been at the theatre for a little over a month...and already, I have made friends. Is that a little crazy to anyone else? No friends at church, but friends at the minimum wage part time job? THis also allows me to believe that perhaps working in a theatre is my destiny--my greater purpose, ya know. that sort of thing. I know its not conducive to having children, and someday, im sure that i will want to--and so i should be doing things to get me experience in other fields..but lets be honest. I WANT to work at the theatre. It's just fun. I mean, when its bad-its usually really bad--but even then...i'd rather do that than meet with the pastor. EH??

We also talked about the fire drills (indiana law requires us to practice once every six weeks) we determined that since it is a minimum wage job, if the building truly was on fire, we would just quit rather than go through the drill, because lets be honest...if the fires that big, are we really going to have any place to work? why risk our lives? *we were told that leaving or not doing as practiced during the drill would result in the loss of our jobs.

In other news, I am still considering going into grief counseling. Ya know, working with kids like my cousin who have lost a parent, or other things. I used to want to do child psychology, but didnt think that there was much market for it...but I really think kids today have it rough...and I think that i would be really good at it. I could be wrong, but I love kids, and I think I relate pretty well...I just don't really know how to do it I guess.

Home.

Well, i'm at home and its hard. its just so much overwhelming sadness, its unfair and it doesn't make sense to anyone. but life goes on. its hard, and unfair, and thats what is the hardest to deal with. i'm doing one of the readings at the funeral. its still just incredible. i love my family so much, and i hate to see them hurting so badly. i just want to scoop them up and take it all away. I am thankful for my good friends, who have been around this weekend just to give me stuff to do in the evening or during times when nothing else is going on. Katie, all the girls who travelled saturday in the vibe, and suprisingly-jay. I am thankful for the great repairs that were made to our friendship, and for bakers square who let us take up a booth during the dinner rush when we weren't even really eating. And to my husband, who is loving and patient and willing to do laundry at my moms right now. He's cute. Not great with driving alone and staying focused on proper exits--but cute. Im glad he's here now. i'm lucky. We took my brother and went and saw the incredibles finally tonite, and lalala...i still like polar express better--however i will agree that they are not the same type of movie and should not be judged as better/worse. i think i'm heading to bed.

Please Pray.

My struggle all week has been with HTML. That's nothing. My uncle Jon had a heart attack yesterday--and well. Today I am heading home to be with my family as they make funeral plans. Please pray for my family...many people are travelling, including my uncle mike who is driving from texas on little sleep. Also pray for Jons wife Renee, their adult son Brandon, and most especially for their 7 year old son Kyle. I am sure that this will be hardest on him. In fact, I haven't ever seen a father and son closer (except on tv). I'm not taking this very well at all. I just keep thinking how unfair the whole thing is. But my husband has been wonderful, taking care of arrangements so that I can go home this afternoon. (oh yeah, pray for him to, because he will be travelling seperate from me, due to the fact that I need to go be with my family, and he still has to work tomorrow. Thanks.

Poisoned omelets

I have to say, as much as i like my theatre job, i miss my old theatre job more than i ever imagined. However, perhaps i wish that at this time last year, i had an opportunity to serve a poisoned omelet. but i didn't, and life goes on, and well...friendship really does weather the storm pretty well i would say-and everyone knew nothing would really come of it. so i guess the poisoned omelet, while appealing would have really solved nothing.

i am so happy to be going home. Sure, its only for a few hours, but i will see my family, and rachel and joel are coming up, and we will be previewing the ever anticipated polar express. yay for christmas. So happy. So happy i can't even sleep.

So, someone hit my car. in a parking lot. and did a ton of damage. it was a lot worse than we thought-but my ever fantastic insurance company who i am sure is tired of talking to me is fixing it. they're even fixing things i didnt know had been damaged, so its good that for once i am actually getting it taken care of. its a big hit financially even to pay the deductible-leaving me wondering if we will ever even come close to getting out of debt. Heres the funny thing though. i love my focus. i love smaller cars. small cars with lots of space are great. i do not like big cars at all. but my insurance is paying for the rental. they gave me a 2005 ford escape. no matter how cute this car may be, im not really an suv type girl. while this is kind of a mini-suv--the fact remains, i would have chosen to downgrade to mid-size or economy having been given the option. but it will be fun for the week...kind of like an adventure. and its not as scary as i thought. i kind of like it. but i love my focus.

Thats the news folks. remember, christmas trees can't go up until the day after thanksgiving, no matter how tempting all the great decorations look.

In the middle of the night.

The craziest things come to you in the middle of the night. I am not feeling well and am unable to sleep. For this reason, I have spent much time researching towns that scott has sent his resume to. This is not healthy. Now I don't feel good and i'm scared. Kokomo looks good (great) by comparison. Some of these places are littly bitty towns. Towns without walmarts. Towns not even close to towns with walmarts. Towns where the nearest video rental store is 25 miles away. Its devastating really. It makes you wonder why God would call someone to a place like that. Of course, I guess if we were to get serious about saving money, that would be the way to go. But no walmart? that of course means no bookstores, theatres or coffee shops. I like believing that its all gonna work out, and that we will soon be moving to a happier place. This research gave me little hope-who could be happy when it takes 45 minutes just to run to walmart?

Of course, there's always champaign, as Rachel informed me that there will be several management positions opening up at her theatre in the coming months. How typical would that be...for us to just run away from any kind of challenge and go to champaign, be with rachel and joel (who I love dearly and would LOVE to be with) and work at a theatre and rubys. why--it would be just like kankakee all over again--with only joel really working towards a goal. But we'd be happy. maybe its a fair trade.

Sunday I had a halloween party for my kids. It was pretty fun-better than I expected. I had about 25 kids show up, so since it was fall break weekend, that wasn't too bad at all. What I still don't understand is how if our high end attendance is 40, how we manage 120 kids at Vacation Bible school. That seems a little off. I had some random non-church people asking me about Christmas VBS-not a bad idea, but to me right now-it translates into free babysitting and seems to be a real hassle. We're doing it though...God bless the shoppers.