If there is nothing to laugh about-laugh on credit

Potty Training.

2011-12-17T11:00:00.003-06:00

So, we've decided it was time for the epic battle. We've tried wearing undies a few times, like once a month on saturday when we're at home with nothing to do. We've practiced how to put them on, we've practiced how to pull them down. We've read a few children's books all about the potty. Scott and I actually have a lot of time off in the next week between the two of us, and decided it was time. Ruby can tell us when she's wet and so if she can tell us, we thought we'd dive in.

Ruby, in full stubbornness, decided she NEVER wanted to wear undies. After almost an hour of crying, tears and throwing undies at us, she fell asleep, undies on. After waking from this exhausted nap, she left them on, no arguments. At bedtime, she told us she wanted to wear her undies. Scott told her that at bed time she could wear a pull-up. Of course, that led to a little more battle this morning. It's now 11:03. We've only had one accident today. We're staying home all day, so i'm sure there will be more. Somehow, I think this whole thing would be easier if our darling child wasn't so stubborn :)

Imaginary Jesus.

2011-12-06T22:12:00.003-06:00

I just finished reading this book called Imaginary Jesus. It's christian fiction, and some of the best I've read. Through humor, it examines the different Jesus' we conjure up in our own lives, that keep us from living for and following the real Jesus. I am especially fond of Magic 8 ball Jesus, but you need to read the book to really experience him. It's insightful, and at times a little heartbreaking. I was most taken in by the description of why Jesus lets bad things happen. In a conversation with the "real" Jesus,the author, Matt poses the following question. Enjoy the excerpt :)

“If you had been here,” I said, “my baby would still be alive.” I couldn’t bring myself to say it as a question. Where were you? If you love us so much, how could you let this happen?

Jesus was silent for a long time, his hands still on my head. I felt him lean down near my ear, and then he spoke quietly. “I am the resurrection and the life. Belief in me brings life, even if you die. And for those who live and believe in me, they will never die.” He paused. Then he asked me, “Do you believe this?”

Did I believe? If I didn’t believe that he had power over life and death, why would I be angry? There would be no point in being angry at a powerless God, because it wouldn’t be his fault that he couldn’t intervene. My anger and pain, then, were actually evidences of a deep certainty that Jesus has power over life and death. I believed with all my heart that he could bring life into any circumstance. I simply didn’t understand why he had chosen not to do so with my child. The otherness of someone who has power over death suddenly hit me. Here was Jesus, God in the flesh, who had come to earth not to condemn the world but to save it. To save us, his creation, the world and people he had brought into existence merely by desiring it. And here I was, a few decades old, thinking I could tell him how to save us.

Mikalatos, Matt; George Barna (2010-03-27). Imaginary Jesus (Kindle Locations 2907-2917). Tyndale House Publishers. Kindle Edition.

What a great encouragement! That in all things, when we are hurting, Jesus still has all the power. He's right there in the pain, weeping with us, and asking us to be real in our pain. I'm so excited that we serve such a Great Big GOD!

Taking the Plunge!

2011-11-27T23:22:00.002-06:00

After some prayer, a few discussions, and a lot of nervous energy, I have officially decided to learn all I can about becoming a disney travel consultant. I started the training program tonight. I will continue in foster care as long as I can. I've set one year as the time in which I will commit to this new project. After that, I'll evaluate how much time I'm spending, and if its worth it. I'm excited about it, but I'm nervous too. It's overwhelming, but it's something I've considered for over a year. No point in putting it off any longer, may as well dive in and see if I can make it!

Shopping!

2011-11-27T01:22:00.002-06:00

I totally LOVED the stores opening at MIDNIGHT! Scott went out black friday shopping with me for the first time, and Daley, then Joe joined up with us during the night. It was a ton of fun. Now, here I sit on Saturday night, with almost ALL of my shopping done.

I still don't have answers about my job, but it'll work out I'm sure. I'm still considering joining the travel industry and spending my days making other people happy. I think that you should not ALLOW your 18 year old self to determine what your 30 year old self would enjoy doing every day. To be fair, I do like most aspects of my current job, but on nights like this, I'm left wondering if maybe something else would be more enjoyable.

I brought home probably 3 hours worth of work that I need to do this weekend. I haven't quite gotten to any of it, so Sunday is looking like it's going to be a long day. Some of it MUST be done tomorrow no matter what, as its DUE at 9am Monday. The rest of it, I just need to focus to get done for the end of the month.

I was really excited for a student on our quiz team today--her mom set up a "secret scavenger hunt from Santa--the last clue disclosing that they are going on a DISNEY CRUISE. Pretty excited for her, that's an amazing gift.

5 months?

2011-11-15T00:24:00.002-06:00

Ok. So, its been 5 months since I updated. This is the news I have to share: I am a failure. I got up to 5 minutes of running before I gave up, as my lungs continued to complain and remind me that I am not a runner. However, today we got the news that my co-workers and I have expected for months. Catholic Charities is closing their child welfare division. I'm pretty angry about it, and could probably benefit from a long run. I couldn't afford to go to the race, but maybe it would help.
Here are the reasons I am angry:
1. Catholic Charities did nothing to look out for the best interest of their employees or the families we serve. I can't speak completely to that right now, but next month, if I truly am unemployed, I will.
2. Catholic Charities said in their statement today that the financial burden was too great. It would be nice if they could at least not act like we're a burden in our final weeks. Maybe a little sadness, or tears. I mean, not a national holiday or anything, but SOMETHING.
3. Those children already have had their lives disrupted, and Catholic Charities has not done due diligence to ensure them the least disruption (again, more from the unemployment line).
4. I have believed for 5 years that Catholic Charities cared about more than money.
5. I'm terrified about being unemployed, so it is easier to be angry.

Now, back to running. If I don't have a job, I'll have plenty of time to train. Then, when I get a totally awesome new job doing something that I love (and possibly not child welfare related) I will be able to go to a RunDisney event.

I'm contemplating marketing, or event planning. Maybe even data entry for awhile, or retail. I'm pretty jaded about child welfare at the moment, but in truth, the kids of Illinois deserve some stability, so I won't take social work completely off the table just yet. I just might take a break for awhile. Work on running. Work on learning a new trade. Having an adventure. The adventure today is how we will pay the bills come January 1st. For today though, I'm trusting that God has a plan bigger than I can see, and an exciting adventure is awaiting just around the corner.

Maybe even Catholic Charities will surprise me, and we'll get a really sweet deal with minimal transition.

No matter what, I'm sure I'll have more time for blogging, so check back soon!

a heart breaking day.

2011-06-13T22:04:00.004-05:00

Ok, so its been over a month, but I'm a work in progress.

Today, I started my day early, showering, and hanging out with Ruby. Fun stuff. But then, I returned to work after having been sick for 3 days last week. Almost immediately my heart was BROKEN. See, I have a kid, who's been on my caseload since she came into care in January 2008. She's been through a lot. She's gotten her life together famously, honor roll, active in youth group, model kid. She's been with her foster family 2.5 years, 3 christmases. I arrived to the news that her foster parents were splitting up. It broke my heart. Today, I spent a LOT of time with her, and cried with and for her. I cried for her foster parents too--they've been married a long time, and a lot of hurtful things are being said by everyone.

Molly, Lori, and Hannah were here tonight, listening to my story, and sharing my heartache. I am thankful for friends who can be here, and that makes my heart long for those who can't. I miss the small group culture of a few important ladies in my life.

The glory in this is tonight, I see this facebook status: How lucky are we to have a God that we cannot exaggerate.

AMEN. That makes my heart sing. Loudly in praise to a God who has things under control. Who we can't exaggerate. Who sees our heartache and wraps his arms around us. ALL OF US. Tonight, I pray for peace for this broken and hurting family. and for a girl, who i love deeply, who may be losing her second family. God can handle this, and his peace is all we've got some days.

Bucket list.

2011-05-03T23:26:00.003-05:00

Ok. So, I always thought a bucket list was a cute idea, but not entirely something I would add in to my life. My very ambitious friend Anndee does a more intense version--having set 30 goals to reach by 30, and on her 30th birthday setting 40 by 40. I think those were NEW goals, not recycled, just adding 10. I admire her. I did just check and she hasn't updated her list in over a year. Still. It's a cool idea.

About a year ago, I was playing around on a (not THE) disney page. I was in a forum, and came across ALL these people setting goals to run something called "disney princess half marathon". Gee, that sounds really fun, I thought to myself.

Everyone who knows me just reacted like this "Wait, what? No, that doesn't sound fun. Your running philosophy is to only run when chased".

This, my friends is a sad, but true statement about my life. So, I began eating a little better and drinking that dreaded clear stuff that comes out of the faucet a little more. I even tried running. I did. I got advice from people I know who had run marathons. I also told a few people of my grand plan--to motivate me. I read a lot of things on running. It seemed almost any idiot could do it. Well, i'm not any idiot. I worked hard for most of May and June on this task, but by July--well, I was frustrated. So, I quit. I had plenty of time anyway, as I had set my heart on the disney princess 2012. I still talked about wanting to run the half, but more as a distant dream. I even went out and ran, or at least walked fast...when the weather was nice. Then, OTHER people started to say they wanted to go too. REALLY? It was obvious to me the people saying this were also not runners.

2 months ago, i started running again...a little more consistently.

This week, I've freaked myself out completely. First, this is the 3rd week in a row i'm doing 90 second intervals. I just can't seem to break through that. WHAT IF I NEVER DO?? --doing away with my defeatist attitude, im shooting for 2 minutes next week. baby steps.

Yesterday, I actually measured out far 13.1 miles. Let me tell you, that is a REALLY long distance. Longer perhaps than my mind had managed to believe.

But, the freak outs did not defeat me. I didn't go run this morning. But, I did go run tonight. I also started making a list to repeat to myself to motivate me as I go.

*I can be a runner because I am a runner. I am running.
*I will be a good example for my daughter.
*I really want that princess medal.
*If this gets me a trip to disney, its worth it.
*I deserve to be healthy.
*If Oprah can run a marathon, I can do half of that.

All of my runner friends say things like "running off stress", "running releases endorphins, so you'll love it", "Running is fun". I have yet to believe ANY of these things. Running makes me stressed, running makes me tired, and running is NOT exactly my idea of fun.

The race is in 298 days. I better get some sleep.

Thank you Mr. President.

2011-04-27T09:43:00.002-05:00

Well, I'm glad the President released that birth certificate so that people can shut up. To Mr. Trump--taking credit for the release only makes you look petty and silly, because as it turns out, Mr. Obama was indeed born in the USA, and so it was a huge waste of time--and probably money that our government doesn't have (as not all are as fortunate as Mr. Trump to be gazillionaires).

In other news. I'm supposed to be training for a half marathon. It's an awesome goal. And I really want to do it. HOWEVER--I have a terrible lack of motivation to actually train. This would be ok if I were in shape and had ever run a mile full on in my life, but I haven't. The rain isn't helping. Without wasting money on a gym membership (as I want that money to take me to disney) I must run outside. IN THE RAIN. Maybe, if it were 2 weeks until the race, and i could do 2 hours of running straight, i would commit to that. I will not commit to that when I would just basically be wandering aimlessly in the rain for 30 minutes pretending I was a hard core runner.

If you are able to provide me with more incentive or motivation than getting in shape and going to Disney, let me know.

Tricked ya!

2011-04-23T14:40:00.004-05:00

I bet a ton of you (the 4-5 that still visit this page) thought I would update my layout (like i do once a year) and then not be back. SURPRISE!! Here I am.

Last night Ruby, Danielle, and I went to Kohls and picked out Ruby's easter dress. Then to ihop-where we talked about life, death and Jesus.

Today, we went to Westbrook and participated in their egg hunt. It was really fun. They had a story time, craft, egg dying center, snack and easter egg hunt. It was like a 2 hour VBS. Ruby had a great time.

Also, for those of you who don't know--I start the official princess training program this week. Good luck to me!

A new commitment to blogging.

2011-04-20T23:03:00.001-05:00

I started a devotional blog a few years ago, and then abandoned it. Why have two blogs, when I don't update the one I have? Anyway. I copied them over here. If you’re interested they are below. Good reminders. Good solution. One Blog. I can do this, now it will be a healthy mix of stories about my life AND some of my thoughts on faith. Those things go together, so lets get to it.

Fear: another life lesson from Peter

2011-04-20T22:57:00.001-05:00

What are you afraid of?
What overwhelms you?
What makes you want to hide in the closet?

Peter was impulsive. He did things with passion and excitement. He had what some today would maybe even call a "flare for the dramatic". He was always doing something crazy. Like cutting off the ear of a soldier to protect Jesus. He was always bold. Never afraid, right?

We know Peter as the "rock" the disciple Jesus chooses to build his church. The strong one. The caretaker. Jesus tells Peter to "look after the flock" in John chapter 21.

So Peter, the strong, passionate, brave one can even be overcome by fear. Let's look at the story of Peter walking on the water.

Meanwhile, the boat was far out to sea when the wind came up against them and they were battered by the waves. At about four o'clock in the morning, Jesus came toward them walking on the water. They were scared out of their wits. "A ghost!" they said, crying out in terror.

But Jesus was quick to comfort them. "Courage, it's me. Don't be afraid."

Peter, suddenly bold, said, "Master, if it's really you, call me to come to you on the water."

He said, "Come ahead."

Jumping out of the boat, Peter walked on the water to Jesus. But when he looked down at the waves churning beneath his feet, he lost his nerve and started to sink. He cried, "Master, save me!"

Jesus didn't hesitate. He reached down and grabbed his hand. Then he said, "Faint-heart, what got into you?" --Matthew 14:24-31 the message

So Peter, jumps into the water, to do this amazing thing he sees Jesus doing. All the other disciples are probably mumbling about how Peter is showing off again and some probably are hoping he succeeds, while others are probably hoping the show-off drowns.

Peter takes a few steps. Kinda cocky. Looking Good. Setting the example. Trusting Jesus. Then all of a sudden, he looks around. He takes his eyes off of Jesus. He notices how dark it is, he hears the water swishing and feels it cold against his feet. He hears the faint voices of those still safely in the boat. He feels the wind blowing his clothes, the smell of the water gets into his nose. He looks down into the swirling water and begins to sink. He's terrified--he's probably thinking "This isn't some kiddy pool--this is deep water!!" So he's scared, he's ovewhelmed, and he can feel the water now raging all around him as he sinks deeper and deeper. In desperation, he calls out to Jesus to save him. Jesus grabs on, and helps him back into the boat. Then Jesus asks him this important question: WHY DID YOU DOUBT?

How often in our own lives do we try to do something, only to get scared and back off. Do you feel Jesus calling you to come, to try and step out and then you take your eyes off of him only to become overwhelmed and feel like you're in over your head? It's easy to be passionate. It's not always easy to follow through on that passion. Peter loved Jesus. Believed in him--trusted him. Except once he got out onto the water, he decided to trust himself and what he knew more. The end result: He's all wet, he's scared and he's desperately searching for salvation.

Standing up for what you believe, even when others disagree. Seeking to do the right thing, even when it hurts. Staying to hold someones hand when walking away is the easiest choice. Living for Jesus when people laugh at the lifestyle. We step out of the boat all the time, excited about the adventure of walking on the water. Then we begin to trust ourselves, and our own experiences. We get hurt. We get scared. Life gets too hard. We can feel the water creeping up around us, and the waves crashing over us. We feel the wind burning our cheeks in powerful gusts. Do we trust ourselves to calm the storm, or do we cry out to Jesus--trusting that he will pull us out and dry us off?

Jesus is there, waiting for our cry. Hoping we're passionate enough, and that we are brave enough to step out again. Asking that we keep our eyes on him to get us through the storm.

Failure.

2011-04-20T22:56:00.003-05:00

Often in life, we make commitments to things and then don't follow through. We fail to do the things we set out to do. What are the reasons for these failings? Is it because it got too hard? Or we got too busy with other stuff? Or someone criticized you? made you feel like you weren't good enough?

Lets look at the definition of fail: –verb
: to fall short of success or achievement in something expected, attempted,
desired, or approved
: to be unsuccessful in the performance or completion

Well, we're all failures. None of us can, on our own strength live up to every expectation set before us. We fail our friends, by not taking time to go to lunch when they're hurting. We fail our parents by breaking rules, or by not believing as they believe. We fail our families by burning dinner. We fail ourselves because we set the bar too high. We expect to be able to do everything well and we end up getting overwhelmed and failing everything.

We all have a fear of failure. Sometimes, we set a goal, and then, we get scared of not making it, so we give up all together. I see this a lot in the lives of others, and a lot in my own life. We get scared, and so we walk away. Or we do something half-way, and that way, later on--if we fail, we know we didn't try our hardest, so its ok that we failed.

It's a terrible feeling, to fail. To know that you aren't "good enough". The good news for us is that Jesus doesn't care. In fact, the disciple that we see fail the most is the one Jesus chooses to build his church. Peter was a failure. Lets look at just a few examples :

The words were barely out of his mouth when Judas (the one from the Twelve) showed up, and with him a gang from the high priests and religious leaders brandishing swords and clubs. The betrayer had worked out a sign with them: "The one I kiss, that's the one—seize him." He went straight to Jesus, greeted him, "How are you, Rabbi?" and kissed him.

Jesus said, "Friend, why this charade?"

Then they came on him—grabbed him and roughed him up. One of those with Jesus pulled his sword and, taking a swing at the Chief Priest's servant, cut off his ear.

Jesus said, "Put your sword back where it belongs. All who use swords are destroyed by swords. Don't you realize that I am able right now to call to my Father, and twelve companies—more, if I want them—of fighting angels would be here, battle-ready? But if I did that, how would the Scriptures come true that say this is the way it has to be?" --Matthew 26:-47-54 (the message)

So here Peter immediately becomes battle ready--without any instruction from Jesus and Jesus tells him that fighting isn't the answer. How do you think Peter felt? Here he is, trying to defend Jesus, and Jesus--in front of the entire crowd calls him out and tells him to knock it off.

Not long after, something else happens to Peter:

All this time, Peter was sitting out in the courtyard. One servant girl came up to him and said, "You were with Jesus the Galilean." In front of everybody there, he denied it. "I don't know what you're talking about."

As he moved over toward the gate, someone else said to the people there, "This man was with Jesus the Nazarene." Again he denied it, salting his denial with an oath: "I swear, I never laid eyes on the man."

Shortly after that, some bystanders approached Peter. "You've got to be one of them. Your accent gives you away." Then he got really nervous and swore. "I don't know the man!"

Just then a rooster crowed. Peter remembered what Jesus had said: "Before the rooster crows, you will deny me three times." He went out and cried and cried and cried. Matthew 26:69-75 (the message)

Peter, ready to defend Jesus to the death just hours before, becomes a coward. He can't stand up for the very cause he was willing to die for. In Luke, it tells us that from where Jesus was being charged, he could see into the courtyard, and looked at Peter. How do you think Peter felt later, as he watches Jesus dying on the cross, and the last interaction they had was Peter's repeated denial. Talk about failure--but then something amazing happens. Look at John chapter 21, verses 15-18 (the message):

After breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?" "Yes, Master, you know I love you." Jesus said, "Feed my lambs."

He then asked a second time, "Simon, son of John, do you love me?" "Yes, Master, you know I love you." Jesus said, "Shepherd my sheep."

Then he said it a third time: "Simon, son of John, do you love me?" Peter was upset that he asked for the third time, "Do you love me?" so he answered, "Master, you know everything there is to know. You've got to know that I love you." Jesus said, "Feed my sheep."

Jesus is instructing Peter to go out, build the church and be a pastor--a shepherd to the people. He tells him to look after the believers after he is gone. Peter, the impulsive coward. Peter makes me feel good about myself. I mean seriously, as much as I screw up-- this guy spent 3 years day and night with Jesus, recognized him as the Christ -- and STILL screwed things up. I think that Jesus knows that we're not perfect, and he doesn't expect us to be. He just expects us to do our best to follow him. If we get lost, or screw up, its ok. As long as we are working toward being like Jesus, and trying to show his love in all we do, I think we're on the right track.

grace mixed with faith

2011-04-20T22:56:00.001-05:00

These are some of my favorite verses in the NIV, and they translate well into the Message also. So often, we hurt others, or we get hurt, and rather than forgiving, or asking for forgiveness, we go on as if everything is alright. This does no one justice, because that hurt continues inside of us, with all kinds of other hurts, until all of the hurts pile up, and we become overwhelmed. This passage reminds us that we all screw up, yet God totally still wants us to be part of his big plan. and thats awesome--because I know I screw up from time to time, and its good to know that God's grace and love can redeem me! Here are the verses, about how God still calls us to do His work.

I'm so grateful to Christ Jesus for making me adequate to do this work. He went out on a limb, you know, in trusting me with this ministry. The only credentials I brought to it were invective and witch hunts and arrogance. But I was treated mercifully because I didn't know what I was doing—didn't know Who I was doing it against! Grace mixed with faith and love poured over me and into me. And all because of Jesus.

Here's a word you can take to heart and depend on: Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners. I'm proof—Public Sinner Number One—of someone who could never have made it apart from sheer mercy. And now he shows me off—evidence of his endless patience—to those who are right on the edge of trusting him forever. 1 Timothy 1:12-16 (The Message)

God--thank you for showing us mercy when we don't deserve it. As we strive to be like you, let your mercy be shown to others. Help us to be patient and respond with your love and strength when others hurt us. We are all failures, and we all screw up and hurt others, and because of your grace, we continue on.
Thank you for giving me such great love and freedom in your love and peace. Let us continue to love, through our hurts, as we heal from woulds we have received, and inflicted. Let your love and light shine through us as we struggle to be like you.

Encouragement.

2011-04-20T22:55:00.002-05:00

I would like you to take some time to read Psalm 136. And be encouraged.
Thats all I want right now-is for you to be encouraged.

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good.
His love endures forever.

Give thanks to the God of gods.
His love endures forever.

Give thanks to the Lord of lords:
His love endures forever.

to him who alone does great wonders,
His love endures forever.

who by his understanding made the heavens,
His love endures forever.

who spread out the earth upon the waters,
His love endures forever.

who made the great lights—
His love endures forever.

the sun to govern the day,
His love endures forever.

the moon and stars to govern the night;
His love endures forever.

to him who struck down the firstborn of Egypt
His love endures forever.

and brought Israel out from among them
His love endures forever.

with a mighty hand and outstretched arm;
His love endures forever.

to him who divided the Red Sea asunder
His love endures forever.

and brought Israel through the midst of it,
His love endures forever.

but swept Pharaoh and his army into the Red Sea;
His love endures forever.

to him who led his people through the desert,
His love endures forever.

who struck down great kings,
His love endures forever.

and killed mighty kings—
His love endures forever.

Sihon king of the Amorites
His love endures forever.

and Og king of Bashan—
His love endures forever.

and gave their land as an inheritance,
His love endures forever.

an inheritance to his servant Israel;
His love endures forever.

to the One who remembered us in our low estate
His love endures forever.

and freed us from our enemies,
His love endures forever.

and who gives food to every creature.
His love endures forever.

Give thanks to the God of heaven.
His love endures forever.

Great Quote!

2011-04-20T22:55:00.001-05:00

It's hard to convince someone to be something you're not.

Think hard about that. Think about why you even want that for someone else when you don't want it for yourself.

This statement has really made me think. When I decided to post tonight, I had a totally different topic in mind, but after some prayer, I want to tell you part of my story.

I was so good at playing the Jesus game in high school it was unreal. In fact, if you had been around, and asked anyone from church, they probably would have told you what a GREAT PLAN God had for my life. Well--it would have been true--because God did have a great plan for my life, just like He does for yours-and I think I even believed it. It didn't change how I treated people. It didn't change my attitude or my actions. I'm sure that while some people at school would have described me as "nice" others would have used very different words. See, I didn't realize that you "live through it". More than faith in Jesus, I had faith in my peers--whether they were church goers or not. I wanted to be cool, to fit in, and to do what everyone else was doing, and if your schools are anything like mine was--Jesus was not exactly "cool". I mean, theres all those rules, and you shouldn't swear, or drink at parties, or dance provocatively....I remember after my junior year in high school I was at EC camp with our old youth pastor--and he totally tried to call me out. Instead, i walked away, because walking away is SO much easier (and lets be honest--so much cooler!!) that actually confronting the sin in our lives.

I watch some of you playing that same game. And I have news for you--I'm calling you out. You may not like it, but there it is. JESUS IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN FITTING IN. You will "live through" being the kid who doesn't cuss, the kid who sits with the loner, the kid who just helps people. Oh, you'll get made fun of for sure--and to be honest--I was never really brave enough to do it for long. I had trouble explaining why faith was important, and in the end, more often than not, I caved in to the pressure to fit in. I'm not proud of it, but I can think back about how I wish I would have been, and I have regrets.

I have had people who have come to me, as an adult now, telling me that they had gone to church with me, because they "thought" i had something, and then realized I was just like everyone else. One person even told me that I made them hate church, because they didn't want to be like me.

The AWESOME ROCKSTAR CHURCH ME--disappeared on friday night at the football game or alone with my boyfriend on sunday afternoon. I am now calling you to the most difficult thing--don't be afraid of loving Jesus. You'll live through it. And you'll be respected for it.

Stop playing games with your faith. Stop talking about being the light in the darkness and just do it. You can make a difference in the lives of all your hurting friends, you just have to stop playing the game and realize that its about FOREVER, not about being cool on Friday night.

I will leave you with this scripture:

The world is unprincipled. It's dog-eat-dog out there! The world doesn't fight fair. But we don't live or fight our battles that way—never have and never will. The tools of our trade aren't for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that entire massively corrupt culture. We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity.

You stare and stare at the obvious, but you can't see the forest for the trees. If you're looking for a clear example of someone on Christ's side, why do you so quickly cut me out? Believe me, I am quite sure of my standing with Christ. You may think I overstate the authority he gave me, but I'm not backing off. Every bit of my commitment is for the purpose of building you up, after all, not tearing you down. 2 Corinthians 10:3-8 (The Message)

It doesn't have to be a battle.

2011-04-20T22:54:00.001-05:00

We spend a lot of time fighting God. Sometimes, its to get our way. Sometimes, its to avoid what God is calling us to do. On occasion, it may even be because we don't feel qualified or worthy of the life God has for us. Or maybe, we are just angry, and God is an easy target.

It's not that hard. God loves us no matter how much we struggle against that love. God will ALWAYS love us, even when we think we've gone beyond what he can love. NOTHING stops God from loving us. Nothing stops God from weeping when we weep, and laughing when we laugh.

Following God is a hard road. He never promised that it would be easy. He never told us we couldn't argue and try and bargain for an easier life. Believing in God is easy, truly following God, and loving the way God loves is where it gets a little tricky. But it doesn't have to be a battle. In fact, the more you give in to what God has for your life, the less likely you are to struggle against it, because even when it isn't easy, you can trust that God is looking out for your best interest.

We make it into this epic battle, because we make it all about us. We make it about what God has called "ME" to do. Well, God calls all of us to difficult things at times, and the best we can do is trust in him. It's not a battle. Jesus won the battle when he died and then rose from the dead. The battle part is over. Now all thats left is the victory dance. To show others that it doesn't have to be this BATTLE. Drinking, smoking, fooling around, swearing, and whatever else you can throw in there--is all part of the battle against God's love.

When Jesus died, it wasn't about him. The Bible even says He didn't want to do it--he prayed that God would somehow deliver him. But he wasn't delivered. He still had to die, and he did it for you, and for me--to win the battle. So that it wouldn't be a battle for us. So we could show up at God's victory party on the winning team.

If it doesn't have to be a battle, if we don't have to struggle to earn God's love, and we know that God loves us, no matter what, then why don't we start living even in the hard times like we're at a celebration??

So don't be embarrassed to speak up for our Master or for me, his prisoner. Take your share of suffering for the Message along with the rest of us. We can only keep on going, after all, by the power of God, who first saved us and then called us to this holy work. We had nothing to do with it. It was all his idea, a gift prepared for us in Jesus long before we knew anything about it. But we know it now. Since the appearance of our Savior, NOTHING COULD BE PLAINER: death defeated, life vindicated in a steady blaze of light, all through the work of Jesus. 1 TIMOTHY 1:8-10 The Message

It doesn't mean there won't be tough times, and that we won't have questions and that we won't get mad or struggle...but...Let's stop fighting this pointless battle. Lets Go to God, and accept the love HE offers to us. Take the good with the bad. Talk with God and let Him get you through the tough stuff. There's no point fighting with the battle already won. Instead, lets turn our lives into a victory dance, so that everyone can see--in each of us GOD's amazing LOVE.

Why?

2011-04-20T22:51:00.003-05:00

We spend a lot of time searching. We wonder why things happen, why God chooses us for the tasks he chooses us for and why he loves us. I remember babysitting back in high school, and this one girl (she was about 4 I think) would ask me "WHY" about everything. Our conversations went a lot like this: "lets eat dinner" 'Why' , "lets watch a movie" "why" "lets get our pj's on" "why". You get the picture. I babysat every tuesday night for this family, and every tuesday night it was the same thing. Same topics. Same questions. It drove me nuts!! I couldn't wait for her to grow out of it so we could have a conversation.

The reality is that this mimics our relationship with God.We don't understand. We ask why.

The crazy thing is God answers. He says WHY NOT?? But that answer isn't good enough for us, because it's really just too simple. What do you mean why not?? thats obvious, im stupid, ugly, fat, obnoxious, sneaky, a liar...put whatever you want in there...we give God millions of reasons why we are the "WRONG" person for the job. Why someone else would be better, why someone else is more deserving of HIS love. Why someone else has more worth.

And God sets examples for us to help us understand that we don't have to be even close to perfect to trust in Him. Look at the the disciples starting in Mark Chapter 4:33-end (and i'm using the message-which gives it a little different phrasing)

With many stories like these, he presented his message to them, fitting the stories to their experience and maturity. He was never without a story when he spoke. When he was alone with his disciples, he went over everything, sorting out the tangles, untying the knots.

Late that day he said to them, "Let's go across to the other side." They took him in the boat as he was. A huge storm came up. Waves poured into the boat, threatening to sink it. And Jesus was in the stern, head on a pillow, sleeping! They roused him, saying, "Teacher, is it nothing to you that we're going down?"

Awake now, he told the wind to pipe down and said to the sea, "Quiet! Settle down!" The wind ran out of breath; the sea became smooth as glass. Jesus reprimanded the disciples: "Why are you such cowards? Don't you have any faith at all?"

They were in absolute awe, staggered. "Who is this, anyway?" they asked. "Wind and sea at his beck and call!"

Jesus had to explain his stories to his disciples--because they didn't get it. Right after that-they are out in the boat, and Jesus is asleep, and the disciples are probably hanging out, when all of a sudden there is this crazy storm. Well-that's ok. Most of the disciples were fishermen!! That meant they had experience on the water--but they get so scared..they wake up Jesus--who then calls them cowards--and says that they have no faith.

Jump ahead to Mark 7

When he was back home after being with the crowd, his disciples said, "We don't get it. Put it in plain language."

Jesus said, "Are you being willfully stupid? Don't you see that what you swallow can't contaminate you? It doesn't enter your heart but your stomach, works its way through the intestines, and is finally flushed." (That took care of dietary quibbling; Jesus was saying that all foods are fit to eat.)

He went on: "It's what comes out of a person that pollutes: obscenities, lusts, thefts, murders, adulteries, greed, depravity, deceptive dealings, carousing, mean looks, slander, arrogance, foolishness—all these are vomit from the heart. There is the source of your pollution."

These guys spent EVERY DAY with Jesus-they spent all of their time with God. There was no facebook, no HOUSE, No Grey's anatomy, no ipod, no cell phone. It was just them and JESUS--yet throughout their time with Jesus they are constantly asking questions. They are constantly doubting the true power of Jesus. The example that God gave us--well..its not hard to live up to being a leper or a tax collector, or a fisherman. I'm sure that in their days with Jesus, they asked the question WHY all the time--"why did you do this, Jesus?" "why didn't you do that Jesus?" like small children who ask why about everything, Jesus answered their questions with love and patience. He never dismissed them and decided that he would go get a few rabbi's and teachers to follow him. He just kept explaining with total patience no matter how many times they asked. And he did it with patience and understanding.

So where does that leave us?? Asking questions. But maybe we shouldn't be so suprised when we question God and he replies---WHY NOT??

umm...sorry.

2010-07-15T02:14:00.002-05:00

Does anyone ever visit blogs anymore? I started this blog when forever ago, in July of 2004 to keep my family up to date on what was happening in my life because we were living in indiana. What a crazy journey the past six years have been, and who knows better than my poor neglected blog? Lets run through the highlights since my last update in September.

October-for the first time since we started coaching, kankakee first placed at quizfest. thats good. Ruby was a pirate for halloween! took over family first intact program at work.

November-took a team to Olathe kansas to a quiz tournament. BEST TRIP of the year! we went to st louis to celebrate rubys first christmas with scotts family. took jr highers to michigan quiz--jaylene placed 4th. Met Brittanys family. This would turn out to be important.

December-more christmas, with my family. st louis quiz, split district quiz for the first time as directors--fight with jeremy. resolved.

January-new intern brittany starts at Catholic Charities. super fun girl. Intact caseload doubles.

February-ruby turned one--we went to exploration station. I turned 31. Yep. Sterling quiz. good times all around! celebrate life. Intern brittany's father dies unexpectedly. Glad i had the honor of meeting him, and thankful that I can help Brittany through a rough final semester in college.

March-Indy quiz--super fun, stayed with Jenn Ricketts in fortville. went to maryland for girl weekend, rachels 30th birthday celebration, and so on. Good times.

April-finals. 2 teams of awesome kids going on to celebrate life. 22 students signed up to go to Q2010 in Ohio. Brittany finishes her internship, and i am sad.

May-Regionals--super fun. I dont know a lot else that happened in may. Oh, danielle and lena both came home for the summer. danielle agrees to nanny at Q, sure to be a good time.

June-took gram down to see aunt judy. took jaylene, jt, ruby and scott along. baseball, science center, spaghetti factory, fun on the farm. 7 intact cases. Q2010! good trip. First time CCD has placed at a Q event since we've directed. Good job girls.

July-fireworks at Q. drama regarding EC Camp. Learning daily that God is bigger and we need to trust that He can work things out.

TODAY, July 15th now, 2010. my 6 year old blog has kept me up past my bedtime. If anyone reads this, i promise to try and post more than every nine months, I obviously have a lot more to say about several of the things that happened, and i left some things out, but its my own fault for not posting more.

Security.

2009-09-17T17:21:00.001-05:00

So, I have kind of a lot of work to do in the next week or two. But, I'm not a mobile caseworker (silly diocese not wanting to get us secure laptops). This means, I cannot get access to the DCFS program required to do my work. BUT sitting in my cubicle is so distracting. People talking, phones ringing, my desk needing to be cleaned. So, I get very little done. I have forgotten for 2 weeks straight to charge my ipod, thus creating the appropriate background to drown out everything else. TONIGHT, I will charge my ipod. TOMORROW I WILL do 5 social histories. I WILL finish all of my casenotes. Otherwise, im gonna have to work late. Because it has to be done.

I saw an old friend today while out at Indian Oaks. She didnt know I worked at Catholic Charities, I didn't know she was STILL at IOA. It was nice to catch up for a minute, but I was with a client, and she was working--not in the same place as me. But it was still a nice suprise. She said her family was great--with the exception of a Madden obsessed husband. I'm sure most of us can relate.

TODAY--I WILL also manage to work out and listen to a podcast while i do it. That should be motivating. I need to set more short term goals. I feel empowered. For the next 20 minutes at least.

Well.

2009-09-11T11:29:00.002-05:00

It appears that I'm not doing a good job keeping up on my blog. I changed the layout, so maybe that will motivate me to post more. Maybe I'll even post inspirational things. Maybe someone will read it.

Our first district quiz is tomorrow. The excitement never goes away. We're taking 3 teams from first church, which is exciting all on its own. For the first time ever I think I've got everything done ahead of time. Which means it will probably all fall apart Saturday!! AHH!! We're down a little in attendance, but it seems like several quizzers have conflicts, so we may see that number go up a little bit later in the year.

Ruby is growing and is lots of fun to be around. She can play patty cake, and likes to cuddle and climb in everything. We enjoy having her around, even at her most frustrating moments is still a blessing.

One thing im struggling with lately is the idea of getting in shape. I know its important, and while weight loss would be an added benefit, its really just a good idea to be healthy. The problem is, I struggle with even finding the time to work out. What can I neglect to do that instead? My husband would tell me that I should get off the computer, or not watch so much TV. But those are the things I do to kind of "check out" for awhile. Maybe if I got into an exercise routine, that could be one of those things, but at this stage of my clumsy life, it takes an awful lot of concentration. I had a great idea that I could listen to my Corinthians Podcasts while working out, and then I would be getting some Bible study in with my exercise. The problem being--I have to do that in my living room until the basement is finished. So, i guess its a matter of discipline all around. Pray for that.

picnic day.

2009-07-12T08:26:00.004-05:00

well, ruby woke up around 600, and ate, and is now laying in bed with scott. im not sure if shes awake or asleep. i came down to shower, because she was playing quietly and haven't ventured back up the stairs.

lately, i've been so overwhelmed. it seems like we still haven't completed our move upstairs, even though it happened at the end of may. before this, it seemed like things were going along pretty well, but now, the house is always a disaster, and it seems like its not getting better. things go missing, clutter builds up, and i work too much to do anything about it...because when i come home, i rest, or play on the computer. scott and i need like 2 days where we do nothing but re-arrange and finish moving stuff around or whatever. the problem is (a) we don't have the money to finish right now, and (b) the time is also lacking.

scott broke our lap top, ya know, the one covered in tape anyway. we were contemplating a new one, so last night we went out and got one at best buy. i was more than a little ticked, since this computer also would not connect to our external hard drive, so yeah. that stuff is gone.

but--its picnic day at church, so we'll go hear impact sing, and then we'll enjoy some good food and good friends, and celebrate God's awesome love for us through relationship. then...its back to work on the house. ARG.

it's early.

2009-03-31T01:10:00.002-05:00

It's 1:10 am. Ruby is teething, and 2 months old. She finally fell asleep after much fussing around 9 pm or so and scott laid her in her swing. Normally, she would have eaten at 10. But she was SO tired, we decided to let her sleep until she woke up. Scott is asleep on the couch, and im playing around on the computer. Our baby was apparently even more tired than we realized. She's STILL asleep in her swing. shes stirred a few times, but not woken up, and i think thats probably best...I may be a little tired tomorrow but its ok.

I go back to work next week. For the first 5 weeks that i was home, i was really looking forward to it. The last two weeks, the quizzers have come over to hang out after school, and Ruby has become more interactive, and now im not so ready to go back. I would love to be able to either stay home or to work part time, but right now, we just can't afford it. Hopefully in the next few years we can get the cars and credit cards paid off. Then maybe we'll have a second baby (still unsure about that idea--but we know that if we do decide to do that, we would want Ruby to be at least 2) and I could work part time. I know that my job is flexible enough to be able to do that, but I would lose my benefits. Ruby is on scotts insurance, and maybe i could be on it too.

OR--scott or I could get a masters degree in whatever, and i could at least have summers off...I would want to do school social work. Scott would perhaps like to teach high school. I guess we'll see how it all plays out. We're pretty happy with our involvement in our church and our jobs, so we would have to commit to school and cut a few other things out. I'm sure that no matter what, the journey will be terrific.

being home.

2009-03-12T13:04:00.003-05:00

I'm in week 6 of maternity leave and i'm bored. I did a million facebook surveys the first few weeks. I play on my wii fit, we had company last week...and now its just ruby and me again. I love ruby, and hanging out is getting to e a little more fun...shes already changing a lot--and im seeing less of the serious look, and getting less screams during changing time...but...in the times that shes sleeping (a lot) i find myself bored. I mean, while i desire to lose some weight, you can only do so many rounds of hula-hoop or strength excercises. and when i eat pizza rolls for lunch, it seems defeatist.

We've had at least one quizzer here every night since sunday--i guess to get ready for indy. and finals is in 3 weeks. If only they didn't have school, to occupy some of my daytime. And lets be honest--they come for ruby as much as they come for quizzing. Which is ok--im glad the love her too.

The one thing that really has stuck with me over the past 6 weeks is how much people really care about us. Ruby is 5 weeks old and is surrounded by people who love and care for her. Shes got us, and our families, (and our quizzers) but beyond that shes got a great church family watching out for her. This strikes me on wednesday nights, when its like being a celebrity. So many people checking in to see how shes doing and how im feeling. last night, as i was checking ruby into the nursery for the first time so i could go to youth group--two families stopped over at the check in counter to see her and check up on us. I was truly touched by this last night, because it was obvious they went out of their way to come over and check in. It's just a really great feeling to know that Ruby is so loved and looked out for, even as little as she is.

I start teaching sunday school again sunday, and im excited to see the girls and hear about all the things in their lives. I helped in jr high youth group last night, and was excited to see all the girls i used to teach. I love hanging out with those kids, and feel like switching to jr high from sr high was the right decision for now. I liked helping in sr high, but really i love the energy of the younger crowd.

Anyway, thats all i've got to ramble about at the moment. I'm sure i'll have something thought provoking to add later.

ramblings about choices.

2009-03-01T18:55:00.004-06:00

If you make a commitment to something, you shouldn't be angry when people expect you to be responsible for your commitment.

In my job, i work with parents who aren't willing to take responsibility and raise their children. Or take responsibility and deal with their addiction. If they don't take responsibility, then they don't get re-united with their children--they've made their choice. i can't change it. I can be supportive and encourage them to do what needs done, but i can't force it.

In my life, I have to be responsible to go to work, or i won't have a job. If I don't go to work, and I lose my job, it is not the fault of my employer. I made the choice.

In my bible study, if I don't read the material, I am responsible for that. Not the other members of our bible study. Just me. I'm the one that loses, because I didn't take the time. I made the choice. When someone calls me out on it, I have no choice but to accept responsibility for my lack of commitment to the group.

I get frustrated when our quizzers don't study. Less than 2 pages, and they don't take the time to read it over, and study it. Even though they made a commitment to the team, and when they're called out on it, they get frustrated and angry...but they made the choice. Not me. I had no control over their choice. Today, I wanted to yell. But it makes no difference. It does not change their choice. or their commitment. Ultimately, they made a commitment to be on a team, and whether they want to or not, they owe it to each other to do the work they committed to. If they don't, then its their choice, and the whole team suffers.

When I play on the computer instead of doing laundry, or dishes I make a choice. I don't have clean clothes to wear, or a plate to eat dinner on and its all my fault. No one forced me to spend an hour on facebook.

When I watch tv instead of doing my wii fit, I make a choice to be lazy, and my muscles get weak, and i can't complain about being fat if i make the choice to stay that way. I made a choice. No one forced me to watch tv all afternoon.

So I get angry, and frustrated about all these things, and thats my choice. I want to not care, because thats easier. But then i remember something: God made a choice. It was a choice he didn't probably want to make. He chose to have his son die for me. Jesus didn't want to die, he prays "if its possible, take this cup from me". He probably could have walked away. But he didn't. He could have given up, decided that people didn't deserve salvation. BUT He didn't. He wanted so badly to be in relationship with ME that he went ahead and died. Even when I didn't deserve it. Even when I get angry or say mean things, or do something i shouldn't...even when i'm the worst of sinners--God doesn't give up and walk away. He continues to love me, and honor his commitment to me, even when i don't honor my commitment to him. I make a choice. I make a choice to sin, and to be the one shouting "crucify" or the one hammering the nails. and Jesus, he says "father forgive them-they don't know what they are doing" Funny thing though--i'm making a choice. im aware of how my sin hurts people. and yet, i do it--yelling crucify as i sin.

I want to be like Jesus. I want to make the choice to put my faith first, to forgive when it seems impossible. To be giving when I feel like I've got nothing left to give. I want to love, even when loving is the hardest thing. To be like Jesus, I have to make a commitment, and be responsible for that choice. I need to live "wholeheartedly" and stop doing just enough to get by. because doing just enough to get by is a choice too--and its a choice that really only hurts me in the end. so--i hope to be more like Jesus. Even when its hard and I don't want to. If i only follow Jesus when things go my way and its easy--im not really following at all.

Ruby Danielle.

2009-02-12T13:14:00.004-06:00

Well, Ruby joined us February 2, at 9:14 pm. she was a whopping 7 pounds 1 ounce (which is unbelievable if you saw me the week before...) and was a tall 21 inches.

Now i'm home. 8 more weeks with my little girl before going back to work.

polar pop and combos.

2009-01-29T10:40:00.002-06:00

I'm sitting at my desk, enjoying a terrific breakfast of polar pop and nacho/pretzel combos. I'm also bored outta my mind. See, i worked really super hard to make sure my co-workers had everything they needed to cover my caseload (which had been cut in half since july anyway) while i'm out on maternity leave.

This leaves the problem: If i am coming in to work, what should i be doing? I sorted my filing, and i have some things to fax and copy, but i lack the motivation to stand in the copy room. Besides, those things aren't urgent, and could get done well, honestly...when i get back after easter. So, if i could somehow convince myself these items were critical, i may be able to do them. I have thus far been unsuccessful. I guess I could actually file the stuff I sorted to help the secretary out, but hole-punching and whatnot...not appealing.

I read part of Confessions of a not-so-supermodel, and posted the link on my facebook. Its a book for teen girls about pursuing your God-given dreams, and being filled with who God has called us to be despite our struggles and to not give up. it seemed like a good read..i may have to pick it up.

i think i'm going to print out some pictures of waldo--to amuse one of my coworkers. that'll kill 5 minutes.

Education...

2009-01-23T12:32:00.002-06:00

I refuse to get into the abortion debate yet again. All life has value, including the life of the scared 13 year old--and the best way to stop abortion is not to ban it, but rather to create education for pregancy prevention, and non-judgemental education for unplanned pregnancies. I have a friend who knew that with her pregnancy, adoption was the right choice. She went in, and was told by a nurse that "GOD had a plan for her baby", and was condemned even for the adoption choice. My friend has said that if she hadn't known ahead of time that adoption was what she wanted, she may have been swayed by this nurse. I have a friend who was told that her unplanned out of wedlock pregnancy was sending her to hell. These environments are not conducive to safe, secure education that support adoption or keeping the baby, and can be teh situations that keep young girls from seeking out help--and in the end choose abortion because they were overwhelmed by everthing else. It's a tough choice no matter what choice you make...there is loss in any option, but our best hope to end abortion is education and more education....not laws governing choice. The reality is--even if abortion were illegal, as so many wish--abortion would still happen--it would just happen in less educated, less sterile environments. These women who choose abortion--their lives also have value-and at what point do we have the right to not value them and love them and educate them?

I know several people are angry that President Obama has reversed some abortion funding bans. History tells us that EVERY president since Ronald Reagan has done the same, depending on the nature of their political party. The CDC has been tracking the abortion rate since 1969 and showed that abortion increased in the late seventy's and eighty's with a decline from 1991-1997--the lowest rate being in 1995. Now, the CDC isn't perfect, and neither are their statistics but i think that before we get upset, we need to realize that education costs money. We also have to realize that during times when this ban was reversed, and money was more available, there was a decrease. we have to be willing to assist in this education if we are going to make a real change. It has nothing to do with the signing of any bills or legislation, but with the change in our attitudes to reach out and help others.

My prayer is that every person would understand that policy and procedure don't change lives. People change lives by their love and understanding that EVERY person has value...and if you know someone who is dealing with an unplanned pregnancy, the best thing you can do for them is help them get an education on the medical and emotional trauma of all their options. Be a listening ear, and an advocate when someone treats them poorly. Help them face their families and friends, and to make a decision that CREATES value, rather than destruction.

making an effort.

2009-01-21T11:49:00.002-06:00

I just read Karla's blog, which she has been so faithful at keeping, and including pictures of her darling daughter for friends and family far away, and I decided that I needed to make an effort to blog at least a little more. I'm not even sure anyone reads this thing (other than Lena).

I went to the doctor yesterday, and the baby, who is technically due in 10 days is nowhere near ready to be born. Which is ok, because i wanted to make it to the first of February anyway, so that I can be on maternity leave until Easter. It seems like a good plan. This last few weeks though, I've actually really felt like its time to get this monster out. She's lodged way up in my rib cage (i.e..NOT ready to come out) and has caused all kinds of tenderness and inflammation up that way. oh well. I never wanted to be one of those people who were consumed by their pregnancy, but i realize as i write this, that nothing else has gone on in my life this week.

Last night, I went over to see Casey and meet Anna, as they have finally settled in at home at 7 weeks. Casey has a fantastic story, and was glad she was able to share that. While I was there, Karla came over with Brynne, and we all got a chance to hang out. Its too bad that Ruby didn't actually get to play, since shes stubborn and not ready to even move down. Consequences :)

In other news, the computer wouldn't recongnize my ipod last night, so tonight i will make that a project, to try and figure out what the heck is wrong so i can get more music on lovely ipod.

Yesterday we welcomed our 44th president. It is an exciting time in history, and i find myself slightly frustrated that so many people are still negative about the transition...for whatever reason. Things have NEVER in the history of any president changed in 24 hours. Also, at any other period (like the re-election of Bush) people who were unhappy were expected to "shut up and deal with it--be supportive" and while thats kind of a negative attitude, thats what I really want to say to all those unhappy that Barack Obama is now the president. Nothing can change it, so why not be supportive and give the guy a chance to make things better. Don't be critical 24 hours in--that really isn't fair, and shows only that you are close-minded and afraid of change.

All progress is precarious, and the solution of one problem brings us face to face with another problem. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Happy new year.

2009-01-02T10:24:00.002-06:00

Lena reminded me that I don't blog enough. Because i'm too lazy to cut and paste when i put a note in facebook. Of course, i don't do that very often either.

In any event, its 2009. In about a month, I'm having a baby. For that, im pretty sure I need anxiety medicine yesterday. But women have survived it for thousands of years so I'll be alright--i just have to actually believe that.

Last night, scott and i went to the movies. With our schedules, that doesn't happen too often. We went to see benjamin button, but we were about 10 minutes late, and it seemed kinda busy..so we opted for DOUBT instead. It was scott's choice, because he has worked so hard helping get the house cleaned up and repaired and whatnot for the coming baby. I wanted to thank him, and so out we went-tired and all. I enjoyed the movie, but felt like there were a few things that should have perhaps been made more obvious, that would have added to the storyline. Overall though, it was a good movie, and something I would recommend. Then we went to denny's with Lena and Randy. It was good times...pancake puppies and all.

I'm excited for 2009, but honestly, its kinda like a birthday. Its just another day, and marks the passage of time. It's a time to start over, to try again, and to hopefully live life with joy and celebration. If it doesn't happen, theres always 2010 but i wish to all of you a fantastic year, and hope that you are able to take every opportunity for improvement in your own life, as well as bettering the lives of others.

Before you vote...

2008-09-29T19:01:00.001-05:00

I don't understand why the american people are even allowed to vote.  I know,
democracy is supposed to be about "for the people, by the people" but what
happens when the vast majority of those people are un-informed and have NO idea
about any of the issues, or where candidates actually stand.  An article in the
daily journal two weeks ago has really been bothering me.  They ran a story
about a 42 year old woman who has NEVER voted.  She hasn't even ever registered. 
However, she has twins with down syndrome.  So she's registering to vote, so
that she can vote for McCain/Palin since Sarah Palin has a baby with downs. 
SERIOUSLY?  And of course, if you're black, you probably should vote for Obama. 
Or maybe one candidate is better looking than the other.  The best person for
the job should be the one to do the job.  However, your children, the color of
your skin, or what you ate for breakfast should really not be the reason you
vote for someone.  As more and more people make their decision, they don't know
anything about the facts.  Part of that is the fault of the media-who are
supposed to bring truth to us, but instead bring us slander campaigns from each
camp--or color everything with their own opinions.  Is John McCain too old, and
Barack Obama too young?  Maybe.  Is Sarah Palin qualified to be vice president
because she has a child with downs?  Is she less qualified because shes a
mother, even though Obama is a father?  I think in the future, candidates should
all wear bags on their heads, and their personal lives not be investigated at
all.  They should only be allowed to talk about real issues facing our society. 
They should address why the rich get richer while the poor get poorer.  They
should have to provide real, tangible solutions, not just theories or ideas. 
But alas, as we live in a media-crazed society that cares nothing about the
value of the human condition...how can we even hope for such a miracle.  If
you're not registered to vote, go register.  BUT PLEASE--don't make your
decision based on the families, skin colors, ages or food preferences of the
candidates.  Please actually investigate both sides of the issue.  Don't vote
democrat or republican because you always have.  Don't only listen to one
side--or research Obama from McCains view and vice-versa.  Please Please Please,
try to be educated before election day.  And hope that the ignorant masses come
down with the flu and have to stay home.

pregnant.

2008-07-12T22:29:00.002-05:00

So, im pregnant. For those of you that know me, you know that the next few months of my life will probably be a huge ordeal, leading up to a very traumatic birth (for me at least). I am doing what I can to not stress out, to eat better and all that other stuff you are supposed to do.

i pretty much always feel like i would feel better if i could just throw up--but i don't throw up. which is ok i guess...but frustrating because i think i would feel BETTER.

I am also pretty much complaining about everything. I am not sure what it has to do with pregnancy. I've been angry/sad for longer than i've been pregnant. It comes and goes. Sometimes I think its the fault of my job. I noticed in my old notebook that I was very frustrated and overwhelmed in April and in May where I wrote out prayers to try and calm myself down.

Im not sure how long i can do child welfare. its too much work for too little reward. most days i feel like im not really helping anyone. like everything we do is to protect ourselves, rather than really helping other people.

and the cardinals lost today. that also made me mad.

hello, hello.

2008-05-28T22:10:00.002-05:00

im excited to know that rachel will be here in a little over two weeks. thats FUN. it makes me happy. i will only get to see her one night..but still...thats better than nothing. i have not seen her since disney...

in other news, erikas brother richard will be occupying the space that used to belong to andy and naomi...he seems almost like he's afraid of us, so that could be fun...but mean, so i will try not to scare him. he's going to Olivet for his masters in the fall and just needs a place to call home for a bit. we do what we can :)

the cardinals won tonight. the cubs are currently in extra innings.
yep. thats about it for the excitement of my life.

Happy Birthday Jaylene.

2008-05-20T08:03:00.002-05:00

Monday was Jaylene's birthday. so scott and i went out to dinner with her family. it was a pretty good time overall...and i think jaylene was pretty excited to have people celebrate her--she doesn't get that too often.

Sunday was my last class with the 6th graders...which is really sad, but at the same time, my class will be probably less than 10 all summer....so that'll be a nice break.

i worked at the theatre all weekend...which was way better than i thought it would be. prince caspian was a very nice fellow it turns out, and people came to see him. We were praising the warm weather (which has vanished again) because we think that helped keep the numbers down a little bit...so that it wasn't super crazy.

Scott and I bought a big wooden pot to put over this hole in our front yard so that we're not constantly sticking the mower in it..which is good. hopefully we'll get flowers soon, because right now, its just a pot of dirt...which is kinda silly, and its kinda silly because its at the FRONT of our front yard..like by the sidewalk...so we'll see how it goes in the end. im hoping for some warm weather as there is some stuff I would like to do outside.

well, so much for my randomness...i need to get ready for work (and this is why im late)

bible study.

2008-05-01T22:15:00.002-05:00

about a year and a half ago, my husband forced me to go on a ladies retreat at our church. now--lets be honest, if you know my church--it didnt really sound like a good time. i imagined the parents of my quizzers, and the nice old ladies in my church--basically a snooze fest and i had better things to do--like lay on my couch.

well, that weekend changed my life. it actually connected me with lovely ladies my age--that were really cool people. and they had husbands that love to play games-so it gave us a group of friends and a support system we had been lacking since college.

shortly after, i joined the girls Bible study which meets on thursday nights. we've had some good times. i'm really grateful to this group, because they have given me accountability, and a place where i can encounter Jesus. and now, i'm being challenged again--to go even deeper with Jesus, and i'm excited. its gonna be amazing i think.

My life is complete....

2008-04-06T10:03:00.002-05:00

For those of you who are too young, or who live in a bomb shelter without connections to the outside world (other than my blog of course)...New Kids on the Block confirmed rumors from the past few months that they are "officially" back together, with new music, old music and a tour this fall!!!!!! plus a new album release this summer. Katie and I will be getting tickets when they come anywhere within a 5 hour radius, so if you're interested let me know!! if you want to know more go visit their website www.nkotb.com you won't be sorry!!!!!

changes.

2008-03-12T23:58:00.004-05:00

Hey, guess what?? Andy and Naomi are about to begin their next big adventure, so please pray for them that everything falls in to place as they prepare to move to Michigan and that their transition can be as smooth as possible. I know they're excited and apprehensive--as any move can be--so keep them in your prayers. I know it will mean a ton to them.

along those lines, we will soon have 3 empty bedrooms again, so if you know someone that needs a place for a little bit, send them our way. andy and naomi had the 2 upstairs room, and there is a door for a little little bit of privacy. its selfish to just have all those rooms isn't it? We aren't gonna go crazy, or put an ad in the paper, we just want to be able to help people out if they need it (and obviously, because its shared space--we aren't looking for complete and total strangers!!)

The other news of our life: DISNEY WAS AMAZING!! there were a few minor setbacks, but overall a pretty terrific week.

Our quiz team took 10th at the indy quiz..which is really great--

im tired. and i have a feeling tomorrow is going to be a very very very long day.

2008-02-03T21:57:00.000-06:00

Feel free to look all these up in the NIV if you're looking for the tradional take on these verses--but as you read them, pray them, and let search your heart for how much God really loves us, and how much we hesitate to trust that.

My counsel for you is simple and straightforward: Just go ahead with what you've been given. You received Christ Jesus, the Master; now live him. You're deeply rooted in him. You're well constructed upon him. You know your way around the faith. Now do what you've been taught. School's out; quit studying the subject and start living it! And let your living spill over into thanksgiving. Colossians 2:6-7 (The Message)

Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And sing, sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way. Colossians 3:15-17 (The Message)

So let's do it—full of belief, confident that we're presentable inside and out. Let's keep a firm grip on the promises that keep us going. He always keeps his word. Let's see how inventive we can be in encouraging love and helping out, not avoiding worshiping together as some do but spurring each other on, especially as we see the big Day approaching.
If we give up and turn our backs on all we've learned, all we've been given, all the truth we now know, we repudiate Christ's sacrifice and are left on our own to face the Judgment—and a mighty fierce judgment it will be! If the penalty for breaking the law of Moses is physical death, what do you think will happen if you turn on God's Son, spit on the sacrifice that made you whole, and insult this most gracious Spirit? This is no light matter. God has warned us that he'll hold us to account and make us pay. He was quite explicit: "Vengeance is mine, and I won't overlook a thing" and "God will judge his people." Nobody's getting by with anything, believe me.
Hebrews 10:22-31 (The Message)

A day off...for REAL.

2008-01-21T22:23:00.000-06:00

Today i didn't have to go to work. I LOVE CIVIL RIGHTS! (i really do, but am also seriously greatful for the day off!!)

I met up with Erika for her first ikea experience at noon today. it was a good time hanging out and shopping and not being serious. we went to Buffalo wild wings, which also made me happy--until we had to wait an hour for our food-which made me a little HUNGRY. overall though, we got to eat, so at this point, its not worth complaining about.

im working on a new craft project. for those of you who know me, im really not the most crafty person in the world. but im excited all the same. thanks to the dollar days at michaels for helping me out :)

i haven't gone grocery shopping in about an eternity...so hopefully i'll get to that tomorrow because I SERIOUSLY SERIOUSLY need to get some food, because i think we're out of things to even throw together. Lets just hope that work isn't too crazy (i have two new cases) so that i can get off at a good time.

i hope everyone has a great week..and for anyone counting...i'll be at disney in 32 days.

RISK IT UUUPPPP!

2008-01-12T23:05:00.000-06:00

so, the United Front took 1st again today, in two very very very (i couldn't breath) tough finals rounds. Danielle had a perfect day-and Lena took 4th! Joe and Jenn were however the ones who helped us win those finals rounds with their extra efforts!! Then we went to coldstone...and then for pizza--with a little bit of WORSHIP (i think thats what they called it) in the van. The quizzing part is fun and amazing, but i have to say that rook and guitar hero are probably a close second. :)

I'm going to disney in 40 days. yeah. its ok to be jealous.. i'll think of you :)

im too tired to type much more..but theres a cool video of the worship on my facebook, if you want to know more about my weekend.

Theatre rant!

2008-01-05T23:02:00.000-06:00

so, over christmas break the theatre is open ALL the time...which means that i work a LOT more than normal...the extra work by itself could be stressful, but this break has been especially exhausting. So here are my rants, and my movie-goer tips for all of you!! (if you happened to be at the meadowview today...i'm sorry in advance for what i am sure you will perceive as a really rude rant)

PLEASE eat before you come to the theatre. A family of 4 should NEVER order 2 large popcorns, 2 nachos with extra cheese, 4 large drinks and 4 kinds of candy. It's disgusting. REALLY.

PLEASE know what you want when you get to the counter. If there are any customers other than you, then you've been standing in line. It's not hard. its popcorn. its not subway.

PLEASE order sequentially. Do not use the word AND 10 times in your order : example : one small coke AND one small popcorn AND one nacho AND one bottle of water AND one small sprite AND one kid combo AND one medium popcorn. The proper way to order this crazy amount of food is :::: one kid combo, one small coke, one small sprite, one small popcorn, one medium popcorn, a bottle of water and a nacho....you'll notice how all the popcorns were ordered at the same time, and not sporadically throughout the order.

PLEASE do not laugh and tell the concessionist when you come out for a refill that you spilled your popcorn. We'll find out when we clean the theatre, and its not like its something we're eagerly anticipating, so telling us only makes us grumpy.

PLEASE do not take more napkins than you actually need to wipe the butter off of your fingers. The most appropriate number is ONE. maybe two if you got nachos.

PLEASE do not cut in the line, or start ordering before the person in front of you has moved away from the counter. Its rude to your fellow patrons, and obviously, the concessionist isn't listening to you if they're still dealing with the previous customer.

PLEASE do not come out for a refill when the concession line is long, set your refill on the counter, look at the concessionist and say, I'll come back later for this. We are not a holding pen, and honestly...how RUDE is that??

PLEASE don't let your kids order when there are more than 3 people in line behind you. It's nice that you want them to gain some independence, but when theres a line, and they don't know what they want...well....

PLEASE do not bring your entire family of 18 through the line, and then take up the entire counter so no one else can be served. Only bring as many people as the hands you need to carry stuff back (on average you can carry 3-4 items each-except children under 6--who can only carry boxes of candy).

PLEASE don't ask us how big a medium is---its MEDIUM. and its on top of our menu board, which you have been staring at for about 10 minutes-so i'm sure you've seen it.

Ok. I think thats about it. I'm glad christmas break is over, because i really can't take much more.

I promise, if you do these things, you won't have to wait in line 20 minutes for your popcorn, and you're probably gonna get better service. If you haven't seen Alvin and the chipmunks yet---i HIGHLY recommend it---but do your best to follow the above guidelines to make everyones experience more enjoyable.

Ephesians 4:25-27

2007-12-10T21:31:00.000-06:00

From the message:

What this adds up to, then, is this: no more lies, no more pretense. Tell your neighbor the truth. In Christ's body we're all connected to each other, after all. When you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself.

Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don't use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don't stay angry. Don't go to bed angry. Don't give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.

I've been thinking a lot about this scripture, in relation to several conversations.
It's hard to live an honest life. To be vulnerable to other people, and not know how they will respond to your secrets. How they will treat your pain. will they love you, and tell you that its ok, or will they pass judgement?

And when you're hurt...how do you respond without firing back that same hurt?

How do you be angry without sinning? How to you let it out without causing someone else pain?

I think God calls us to a life where we set an example. Where we love the unlovable, and befriend the friendless. We don't always like it. It's hard to love the ugly, mean and rude. But Jesus did it. and he's our example. So, if we're really going to live life Jesus, and honor God with what we do--we have to start at the core. We have to reach out to someone that no one else reaches out to--we have to stop being afraid that our friends will make fun of us. We have to stand up for what we believe, and speak the LOVE of Jesus into the lives of the people who need it the most.

That means, we have to start encouraging each other. Instead of making fun of scott for inviting over that really annoying guy, i have to start encouraging his friendship, and get to know that guy myself. Instead of rushing in with conclusions about someone, we have to stop, and ask them about their lives. Of course, this complicates things, because we have to keep responding.

There are some people that we just don't like. Some personalities that just don't mesh. A few people who you don't agree with. That doesn't mean that you stop loving. It means you ask God to give you the love for those people.

Everyone knows im guilty as charged when it comes to judging people. As an example from everyday life: Im especially hard on a certain quiz team who I don't think are very good sports. But maybe, then, I need to set an example for their coach. I need to invite them to practice with us, to be a team--and to understand the goal is being more like Christ, and not just getting a good personal score. I need to help my team to win humbly, and to lose gracefully. To have them be known by their love,and their spirit--and hope that it catches on. But the attitude adjustment starts with me. It starts in my heart when I ask God to make me like him, and to love, and to teach others to honor him through the quiz ministry.

In your anger do not sin...
do not say things you cannot take back.
do not spread rumors. do not talk bad about someone.

in your anger, do not sin...because this is how satan wins.
do not lie. do not steal. do not jump to conclusions. do not believe you know the whole story.
do not take revenge for your hurt.

INSTEAD...Be Kind. Be Compassionate. Forgive. Be an example of God in the world.
Pray that God will change your heart and your attitude, and that change in you can change the world.

In your anger...Be silent.
Wait for God. Trust that he will lead you.

I'm gonna try it. And I hope you'll join me on the journey. That you'll encourage me. And that you won't be afraid to confront me when I'm not responding in a way that honors Jesus.

This entire chapter of my life brought to you be the leadings of the Holy Spirit.

st. louis

2007-12-02T19:19:00.001-06:00

NO A OR B, just CCD!!

ok. so st. louis was pretty amazing. we went on thursday instead of friday--so there was much less stress on the way down, and more time to hang out with is good for...well, everything. it was also a much more relaxing day--getting to know other districts staying in the hotel, quizzing, games, talks, well. you had to be there.

im also super proud of both teams. they quizzed well, and im super proud of the k3 girls who placed 38th (lena) and 55th (danielle) out of 222. Yeah. I KNOW, RIGHT.

oh, and im getting sick again. so its off to bed with me.

thanksgiving!

2007-11-23T22:58:00.001-06:00

So, this past week has been a little crazy.
my work SUCKED monday, tuesday, wednesday...like really sucked.
The good news is that rachel and joel are here--so here's the rundown (pretty much just the facts-so you know what you've missed!!):

MONDAY:
got home late. rachel and joel had arrived. had quizzers over. played with them. ate soup. erika came over to see rachel and joel and spend the night. played the bean game.

TUESDAY:
after work went to chicago. ate at foodlife. went to altar boyz with rachel and joel. came home. slept.

WEDNESDAY:
Umm...after work, went to st. louis. ate at taco bell on the way. had christmas with scott's family. Really good times. watched chris and erica start preparing for thanksgiving dinner.

THURSDAY:
Thanksgiving with scotts family. played some games during the parade. took a nap. drove home. went through ads with rachel and stevi. played the bean game.

FRIDAY:
3:40 AM Went to Kohls, Penney's, Best Buy, Carsons, Target. breakfast. Home by 8.
rachel went back to bed. Stevi and i returned to the shopping. JoAnn's, Bath and Body works, Bonsai store, Michaels (best buy again). Stopped at parents house. Home by 12:30

Went to Chinese with Rachel, Joel, Scott, Andy, Naomi, and Stevi. YUM.
Watched a survivor video. Took a nap.

Went to abbie and garretts for nacho dinner, and games/hanging out/playing with the kids.
came home. ate pie.

10:49 PM -got comment from Lena that I needed to blog. So thats what I am currently doing.

POSTING. One week from right now, we'll be in St. Louis.

thats not my....

2007-11-18T22:44:00.000-06:00

....ministry.

Many of you who have spent any time with me over the last year know that i have been fighting a losing battle with God when it comes to the senior high youth at my church.

I LOVE working with preteens--and well--as far as teenagers--i love quizzing--and so i have to encounter teenagers there--but generally on a more focused scale--and beyond that--well--im really more into childrens ministry.

14 months ago, we moved back to kankakee, and started a quiz team at kankakee first. it was great, because scott could really get involved with the senior high students, and i could spend time getting involved with our preteens. which is what i did. i spent wednesday nights, filling in and helping out in classrooms in our childrens department. I LOVE THE CHILDRENS DEPARTMENT. even beyond preteens, i spent some time with first graders, and well..it was just an overall good time--i went to district teen events--I mean, i totally supported NYI and what the youth pastors and leaders across the district were trying to do--i just didn't really feel like i needed to be a part of it. I was even going to NYC-which is a huge-every-four-year-teen-event. But, I convinced myself that was enough.

At the beginning of the summer, i was teaching 2nd grade sundayschool, and helping out at district youth events. My youth pastor would ask if I wanted to help with this or that or whatever--and I firmly told him over and over that senior high students were not my ministry. I was happy and comfortable, and well, content in the role i was in.

Thats where God comes in. See, where I'm content and what God calls me to are totally different things. I spent some time getting to know some of the students who would be going to NYC, and realized that there was a huge need for female leaders in our youth group. So foolishly, I began to pray that God would send someone to these amazing young people. I showed up and helped out at our district stuff pre-NYC. And then I went. and I remember after the friday evening service, it was time to tell the youth pastor the crazy thing God had been speaking into my heart since before the trip. I didn't really want to tell him--because, well--then I would be held accountable--but that is why we speak--to be held accountable.

(WAIT!! Heres something else you need to know--growing, getting out of my comfort zone-i've done it-but senior high students scare me to death. I mean, i was in high school once--and i know how hard it can be sometimes. I also know from being around our students that they expect honestly. Weak, flawed, sincere honesty. And, they know when you're bluffing.)

So I told my youth pastor that friday at NYC--I had just gotten the opportunity to take over the preteen girls sunday school class, and I was NOT going to give that up, and didn't feel that God wanted me to. BUT, i was going to start showing up at senior high youth group on wednesday nights--because God called me to be that person i had been praying for.

After our amazing preteen retreat in October, I offered my services to our youth pastor for the senior high retreat on an "as needed" basis. Maybe i was tired, maybe i realized the value of retreat experiences...maybe i was just hungry.

two weeks ago, my adorable husband calls me up after youth group (i had come home) and says "Steve needs you to go on retreat. Is that ok?"

Thanks God. I was kinda hoping that i had met my "requirement" with showing up on wednesday nights, and doing some follow up throughout the week. I mean, i could talk about retreat once they got back, right? but i realized that maybe God's plans are bigger than mine--so i said i would go.

Now--reading this, you might think--you can't be effective where don't want to be. BUT--thats where it gets super crazy. I believe that God gives us the desires of our hearts if we truly seek HIM with our whole being. And that must mean that i was wrong. It's ok to have more than one passion. More than one desire. I can LOVE my preteen girls on Sunday mornings, and I have come to honestly love the girls in our youth group. I'm not there out of some "obligation".

I'm there because God wants me to be. And, I've learned but listening to Gods whisper--its where I really want to be-even if its not....well....maybe i need Philippians 2:12-13 and God's Grace for the adventure.

Happy thanksgiving week.
Oh, and in case I didn't happen to mention it--I had a great time on our Senior high retreat.

a-m-a-z-i-n-g

2007-11-12T21:54:00.000-06:00

so, lena tells me that since im not sick, i need to update. i think thats a good plan.

So, this last weekend was pretty much amazing. friday night the quiz team headed up to erikas house for our first overnight of the year. we went to california pizza kitchen for dinner--and i had to TAKE the Bible away from the girls. thats a good feeling. they were all really nervous and excited for the quiz. so then we went to erikas and hung out and talked..and practiced and whatever.

saturday was the quiz. the first round, danielle had 40 points, lena had 20 points, and well..i was crazy nervous. but things shaped up, and they both placed in the top 5 so they get to go to st. louis--but the team suffered for putting personal scores first--and both danielle and lena said they didnt like doing things that way--so it was a good lesson. the team still took 3rd (after losing the first tournament round on question 20).

then we went to chipotle, and had to wait for rice, and then came home. overall, it was a good trip.

The best thing though is that tonight, lena, danielle, lori and i got together to go over chapter 4 a little more and have some pie. sneaky sneaky pie. it threw danielles fork. and her pants suffered. we laughed a lot, and talked about the trip, and talked about retreat...and laughed some more.

and-so that everyone knows. jeremy is a computer hacking genious-making him the hero of the day.

Being Sick.

2007-11-01T13:09:00.000-05:00

Ok, every fall, I get this awesome cold that lasts, well until spring. It's onset is pretty terrible, as those who were on my quiz team last november can tell you, because i carried a kleenex box around with me the whole weekend. So, everyone always tells me to take medicine to get better sooner. This is a GREAT theory. But thats all it is. On Sunday, I start to notice a tingle in my throat, and by monday morning, the throat is hurting.

I work all day monday, drinking tea, and trying to ignore the throat. I take some medicine for throats. THEN, Tuesday-the throat still hurts, and im starting to get the sniffles and the cough. So, I immediately rush out and buy TYLENOL COLD multi-symptom SEVERE, believing the theory that I can defeat the cold.

Wednesday, I'm still coughing and sneezing a little, but I feel TERRIFIC. It must be working! Yay!! Everyone was right! Medicine does help.

Which brings us to today: I'm sitting at home. I got up at 8 to go to work, and felt like i had been buried alive. Yeah..I felt that good. I could barely breathe, and my mouth was full of this disgusting mucusy stuff. SERIOUSLY???

So, I brush my teeth, drink a cup of hot tea, and get ready for work. Then I start in the with coughing. After about 7 minutes, I can hardly breathe again and so I call my supervisor to tell her i won't be coming in-take more medicine (what the heck-it worked before) then i Get back in bed. Only to wake up at 10:30 feeling again like i had been buried alive in green slime, and couldn't breathe.

The cold has defeated me. I sit here, staring at the miracle medicine, trying to decide if it will really help or if it will again attempt to bury me alive. Curse you TYLENOL COLD!!

I've used 5 kleenex in the writing of this disgusting blog. I'm gonna lay on the couch and hope someone brings me some soup.

ice world

2007-10-23T20:58:00.001-05:00

so, right now, scott is playing mario 2--which i got for the wii so that i could fight the BLOOP guy repeatedly....and maybe someday get beyond level 2. Well, scott decides, its time i learn something, and shows me a WARP to world 4 right there in level 1-2. Crazy?? theres like ice, and rocket ships and all kinds of cool stuff in world 4. i will totally use that warp the next time i play.

In the other boring news of my life--i had a terrific time last night at chipotle with erika and jeremy..even if i was kinda like a 3rd wheel. haha. and for the record--the skybus doesn't fly to kankakee or boise --which is really really too bad.

over the weekend we travelled to texas for jonathan's wedding..scott was in the wedding. it was a fun trip overall. I especially like the part where scott sat by this guy on the way down, and then he was on our flight back too--and so they chatted for a little moment.

i have also cleaned my kitchen and learned (from jeremy) how to use AIM at work...so i am sure i will be much more productive. :)

have a good week!

K3 United Front.

2007-10-17T21:43:00.000-05:00

I think this about says it, but just in case it doesn't.....

I LOVE MY TEAM!!

my cat hates me.

2007-09-30T00:39:00.000-05:00

on occasion, scott and i keep aidan overnight. our cat absolutely hates aidan--for no good reason other than pure cat jealousy at not being the only baby in the house. its funny because we always set up aidan's pack-n-play in our bedroom--and our cat positions herself as far as possible from our room as she can figure out. she sits in the living room on the couch...at the far end...she'd probably sleep upstairs with andy and naomi if they would allow it...its cute for her to be jealous, but it makes me nervous about what happens when we have kids--will she ever adjust??

in other news, i can't sleep. which is why im posting about my cat. i am going to be SO tired for church tomorrow--and that makes me mad too--because i want to go to bed, but i just can't sleep. i haven't finished my sunday school lesson, but normally--i just wing it anyway. its creation--and it should be an easy lesson--so lets hope. i want to talk to caley about getting us a bigger room, or a room that we can actually use--but we'll see if i remember that tomorrow.

this week, i've been really stressed about money--with upcoming trips and whatnot. plus christmas.

man. this post is kinda sucky. so im just gonna stop. i'll do better next time, i promise.

broken.

2007-09-04T22:12:00.000-05:00

My prayer tonight is for the wounded. the betrayed. the heartbroken.

sometimes are hurts are little, and seem big. sometimes they are selfish. sometimes they feel like they will destroy us. our friends betray us, our bodies betray us, our dreams betray us. So what are we left with? The hope that God can take our hurts, and turn them into something beautiful. We hope that God can teach us, and can heal us, even when we think its impossible.

we seek out others who are like us. hurt, troubled, broken. We cling to each other and we cling to our hope. This is what we have.

Hope that God heals. That God loves. That God knows what we need and can give us strength to make it to tomorrow.

To all of my friends, and their very real hurts-big or small. I love you-but better than that! God loves you immeasurably and is wrapping his arms around you and holding you while you cry.

quizzing gives me hope.

2007-08-26T20:44:00.000-05:00

Well, quiz practice is well underway. We went over galatians chapter 2 tonight. The returning quizzers are really doing amazing, and the new ones are learning, and scared of everything. but its cool. i love it. i love teaching people how to do it, and i love seeing teenagers really getting into the word.

It gives me hope. When life is frustrating, and my clients drive me nuts, and i just feel like i don't want to do anything, i hope for quiz practice. Even when its not the most serious, or even the most fun, it gives me hope. Hope to know that the God I serve is so amazing, that he can give me these students for a few hours a week-to share their lives, and bring me peace. It the quiz room, where some people haven't studied, and some are distracted, and some are super focused, its comforting to know, we're part of something bigger.

I can't wait until we start travelling. I think its going to be some terrific times in the party van (and the rented van-a praise that we won't always fit in one car!) at lunch, at dinner, during rounds and in the vans...God is going to bring us some serious good times.

When I get discouraged, when I get frustrated--well, there's always Jesus, and he gives me quizzing.

life, as a work of frustration.

2007-08-25T00:27:00.000-05:00

I get so easily frustrated. Tonight i got a call from a foster parent, through the on-call service. After calming the foster parent down, and resolving the issue for the moment-I get super frustrated because it was a lombard call and not a kankakee call. i know, its stupid..but for the next hour, i called the lombard on call worker to make sure they got all the details.

i also get frustrated at scott. we will sit down to watch a show, and i'll say, "you're gonna fall asleep, lets not watch it." To which he assures me that he will not fall asleep. But then he does. and it really frustrates me. its like, i want to sit on the couch and waste my life watching tv--but i want to do it with him...and when he falls asleep--its like i should just go ahead and do it alone. no matter how many times i get frustrated though, he still always trys to say he will stay awake when he knows full well he wont--or at least tell me when he's tired so we can shut it off and finish it later. but i just look over andBAM he's asleep.

theres more, but the laptop battery is low, and i don't want to get up.

it'll be ok. thanks for reading.

Hey Hey it's Saturday!

2007-08-18T13:00:00.000-05:00

well, its one o'clock, and its raining a little. I hope that there is some dry ground at the heartmoms picnic and that it goes well.

Quizmania was a smashing good time. For the last hour of the morning, joe asked the lady if we could use bumpers, and sat on the floor rolling it down the lane--basically because if you had been bowling since midnight--well, at 5 am you'd sit on the floor to finish your games too. We gave away a few cool prizes...AND everyone did a little quizzing. we're off to a good start. :)

I would say more, but i just woke up and i'm a little hungry. Later gang.

hey, its thursday night.

2007-08-16T22:06:00.001-05:00

and i suck at posting. it happens. i would love to post some pictures from last weekend--we escaped to St. Louis for our anniversary/free time before the quizzing season starts. Alas, this weekend will not be as carefree.

The good news of the baseball world-the cardinals SWEPT the 1st place central division brewers and have had 5 straight wins (defeating the 1st place west division dodgers 2 out of 3 games)

24 hours from now, we'll be hanging out at quizmania--so thats exciting and stressful all at the same time.

Ryan and Lori are gonna help with the 1st church team this year, so that should take some of the pressure off, and we needed the help regardless..it looks like we're gonna have around 10 quizzers. So thats cool.

i'm not pregnant. Thanks lexa, for asking. I am however attending sidra's bridal shower next sunday the 26th..so that should be fun! (acutally i need to rsvp...but its too late to do that at the moment..it'll have to wait until tomorrow).

my husband is laying on the couch laughing at the daily show. he's always laughing at that show.
oh, other exciting news. we're headed to texas in october for a wedding that scott will be in--we'll get to hang out with evan, liz and merideth that weekend too so thats cool. i love other peoples kids. the bad news, we probably won't be able to go to sidra's the next weekend...maybe if everyone freakin lived closer....

i think thats it. I was trying not to be distracted. but as those of you close to me know, in a psychological testing class i was once labeled with the following prayer:
"Dear God, please help me to keep my mind on one thing oh hey look at that bird
at a time. Amen"
Love me because im unfocused. It wouldn't be fun if everyone paid attention all the time.

highs and lows

2007-07-31T13:42:00.000-05:00

well, im home on lunch. court didn't take as long this morning as it normally does, so i came home, cut the grass in the back yard, took a shower and ate lunch.

Big issues on the prayer front: One of my close friends just found out that her 15 month old is almost completely deaf. They will be doing surgery at the end of the month to put tubes in her ears to drain the fluid and the doctor is optimistic that this will help-but then she will have to learn a bunch of things over again. so prayer that her family has peace about this gets through this next few months trying to figure out what will work best.

also, my brother is having some medical problems--possibly serious ones. I can't elaborate at the moment, but prayer for my family would be amazing.

to get through today, i believe that God loves me, cares for me, and does His best to carry my load when it gets too heavy. I wish my clients would call God with their problems instead of me, but I know that I can make it through because God can provide me with strength and encouragement when I feel empty and confused. He is BIGGER, STRONGER and more POWERFUL than any of my struggles. I BELIEVE THAT.

I am excited that scott and i get to go on a mini-vacation next week. Now lots of you are probably thinking that we're always on vacation--camp and youth events to do not equal vacation no matter how fun they are :) Our anniversary is next tuesday, so late next thursday night we're heading to st. louis for a ball game and trip to the zoo. We went last year to st. louis for baseball and botanical gardens...so i'm sure this trip will be just as fun. We did learn a lesson last year, and are stayin on the missouri side instead of the illinois side so that we don't have to wait 9 hours to get on the metra after the game because westbound is much less crowded than eastbound --apparently no one goes from the baseball game to the airport which is good news for us. We'll probably also have lunch with his parents and possibly see their new place. So, the thought of taking time away from work also gets me through the day.

NYC letdown

2007-07-19T06:21:00.000-05:00

So, i kinda slacked there..and you never heard about days 5 and 6 (7 if you count our trip home). but thats ok. All you need to know is that it was an amazing experience...and my few brief updates don't do justice to the event. Arena events are always exciting..because although they are emotionally charged..you get to see people, just like you worshipping God. And its beautiful. My prayer is that all the students go home from NYC remembering their "moment" when NYC transformed them.

So, i go back to work tuesday and am happy to learn that my supervisor is in joliet, and then will be off wednesday. this means i can re-orient without feeling attacked. So, wednesday, Valerie calls...because she's in bourbonnais for a home visit and we go to lunch. Half way through lunch i start to feel more than a little sick...and end up puking my guts out twice at lunch. So i make some calls..tell people im not going to be back in the office, and head home. i only lose my guts two more times at home before falling asleep around 4 pm. well, i woke up at 4:30 to find that my husband had cleaned the downstairs living room around me...and thrown out my sprite.
still not feeling 100 percent, i try to lay in my bed...can't sleep (no suprise...) so i do some quizzing stuff...eat a small bowl of cereal...and then decided to post. im going to go lay back down for half an hour or so...just so my body can be rested. hopefully...the cereal will remain in my stomach where it belongs.

Days 3 and 4

2007-07-14T01:11:00.001-05:00

I really think the best thing to do to describe our NYC experience over these 2 days is to give you all a few lyrics...
If I'm here all alone
If I'm left behind
If they spit in my face
If they hate my kind

I will rise above
I will live for love
I will answer to the call
For the bond between
For the depth unseen
For my God forsake it all

'Cause I'm a fire
I'm a flood
I'm a revolution
I am a war
Already won
I'm a revolution

When the world is at war
When the grace is gone
When the hungry lay dead
While the rich live on

I will rise above
I will live for love
I will answer to the call
For the bond between
For a depth unseen
For my God forsake it all

(Here I stand)
Open hands
Waiting for You
I won't back down
I'll live to speak Your truth

yeah. and the girls from kankakee 1st church--best on the planet!

NYC day 2

2007-07-12T00:05:00.000-05:00

well...if you like screaming, family force 5 is the way to go. Ew. And if you theme something water fire wind, its silly to put bottles of waters in the hands of 10000 people for an object lesson. seriously. today was again amazing. the tracks seemed like they went great or terrible...depending on the individual track coordinators. or students are behaving like rockstars--which is always good and makes me very proud of them. Today was "water" day and so our messages centered around water and cleansing...and being thirsty. Overall a great day. pictures on the ccd page if you want em.

NYC Day 1 (officially)

2007-07-11T01:41:00.000-05:00

Good day everyone! I'm waiting for scott to return to our room with some late night (early morning) pizza. Today has been fantastic. We got on busses at ONU early this morning and headed to st. louis....close to 200 of us from the chicago central district. We had lunch on the way, checked in at the convention center..and carried all the food for the feeding of the 5000 project down what was called the "famine trek" (every participant was asked to bring 50 pounds of food). Then we dropped our stuff off at the hotel, and headed to dinner at the Hard Rock Cafe. So, 110 of our group of 200 gets seated outside. It's very very humid, but starting to cool off by the time we get our drinks, so thats nice. then, they start bringing out food, and sure enough..by the time about half of us have our food-theres some thunder, and it begins to rain on us. so we try to cram people inside where there are tables available...and then no one can find their food..pretty funny stuff...but makes for a good NYC memory--especially considering the theme is WATER FIRE WIND.

then we hop on our busses and head to the convention center for the first session. Toby Mac did a decent job...everyone had a fantastic job, and for Toby Mac--it was the best i've seen him--but im not really a fan. Then Greg Steir spoke and asked the question "is Jesus your embarrassing friend?" and gave the challenge to stop acting like Jesus is something to be embarrassed by..then some super amazing worship with starfield, hang out time at the late night stuff...and then walking back to the hotel (after finally finding our missing group members) and whatnot. Everyone is in bed, and scott is back with food.

Please pray that the students really are able to focus and get what God has for them this week. It's going to be good times and lots of Love. God is amazing, and with enough prayer...well..who said high schoolers can't change the world?

if you want to see pictures, im posting them daily on the CCD quizzing site.

4th of July

2007-07-04T22:42:00.001-05:00

So today, I get up, read for awhile, decide to go shopping, and then head to the mantors for 4th festivities. As I drive past the Mantors, I remember an email I had from my grandma and remembered she was stressed about her sisters failing health. So, armed with hamburgers and a veggie tray, I turn around and head to my parents house. I walk in :SUPRISE! We're gonna have a cookout--call the grandmas and tell them to come on down! So, the grandma's come down, and my dad runs back into town to get some chips because for the first time in the history of my memory, they don't have any. Then my brother and I whip up some macaroni salad and wait for scott to get home. Then we have a 4th of july cookout with my family.

This is kind of a big deal, because we used to ALWAYS cook out at my parents for the 4th--like this huge bash!--but the last few years, due to my parents health and a few other things, we haven't at all. we've either gone to my aunt's house or done nothing. So it was really nice to revive that tradition. As an added bonus, I even cleaned up moms kitchen a little.

Then we came home, and it started raining, so we decided not to drive down to KCC to see the fireworks that may or may not happen. And I played papermario, and scott fell asleep, so tomorrow, we'll do 4th of July sparklers.

Thats the story of my 4th of July.

frustrated

2007-06-27T17:31:00.000-05:00

so, i haven't had much time to post, because i've been at camp for the last week and a half or so...and will be returning this evening after an ec camp meeting.

I love camp. but here's the thing. I don't love my job. so that makes it hard. because maybe i need a ministry job that will let me go to camp without being crazy frustrated. which makes me more frustrated, because i have no idea what my ministry really is. I love teaching second grade sunday school, and i love to dance and sing at childrens church..and do pre-teen trips, and vbs, and all that good jazz...but i love jr high kids too...i had an amazing time at jr high camp and i'm expecting to have a similar experience at sr high camp.

Now, you might think that maybe its just camp, but its not. i loved working with the jr highers in danville, and i adore our sr high youth group at church. So im stuck. i guess its not a bad stuck, because trying to figure out your ministry because you like them all is better than being stuck in a ministry you hate. i guess i'm just confused as to what God wants from me. Today though, when i got back to work, i had to really struggle to do anything. and i just wanted to walk out, or kick something, and even on days when i love my job--the truth is i still hate my job.

so, if anyone knows what kind of ministry i should be doing, let me know.

NYI Convention

2007-06-10T01:05:00.000-05:00

to quote my husband: quizzer are taking over the world. This is because all of our youth district delegates (both jr and sr high) are all quizzers..except one. and we're working on her. So that's kinda cool.

nyi convention was a good time. a little stressful, since neither steve nor i had run the thing..but he did most the work--well, the steve-lings really did (shout out's to robbie and derek for all that work). We did some set up on friday, ate some brickstone, did a little clean up...slept for awhile. then convention. it was good that brian wilson is a go with the flow kinda guy..cuz he kinda ran the business portion of our day--since we were new. we'll see how long i'll be that lucky. i got recruited to sleep at jr high camp (they're a little short on ladies, and i happen to be one--one that enjoys sleeping in fact!) and to run registration maybe. I'm also helping with the NYC registration for our district...on my lunch break one day. i'm pretty much a registration queen...so thats all good.

i've been hangin out with some of our senior high girls, and they're suprisingly cool and not scary.

scott and i decided that we were going to chicago after convention to unwind and hang out together. we saw a play--SHEAR MADNESS. all i can say is WOW--its pretty hysterical. like really--and its interactive..so thats way cool too. it was nice to have some date time.

now we're home. and im going to bed.

funny funny

2007-06-01T23:05:00.000-05:00

hey.

guess what. after two weeks of shrek madness, we got the movie knocked up. It sold out tonight. and now that shreks only on 2 screens, hes as busy as ever. oh summer, when will you be over?

in other news, my real life job is pretty stressful these days.

my husband, not so stressful. i love him. even if i didn't get any ice cream.

loving Jesus

2007-05-21T18:00:00.000-05:00

when you love Jesus, you have to give things up. you have to change your perspective. you have to start loving people the way Jesus does. The problem with that as I am currently finding is that loving my clients, or even my co-workers seems like an impossibility.

i just read jeremy's blog (see link at right-my favorite fish!) and it is really beautiful. I think a lot of times, we look at our relationship with Jesus as something different than it is. Something more special, or pure. When in reality, to Jesus, i'm probably like my clients. Angry, grumpy...and blaming everyone for anything. I'm not nearly as poetic as Jeremy (which is why you should just take your Jesus lesson from him) and a lot of times, I blame my job for my stress which hinders my mood. Like I can't control how much i let my job effect me. And if i was really loving other people, thats how i would be reacting. Not in anger and frustration, but just love.

What would I do if i wasn't a social worker you ask? that is the recurring theme in my life as well? one thing keeps popping up. Only that thing is scary. and not nearly as reliable as being a social worker. I guess I must stay where I am until at least october, so at least i can be at the next level social worker...in case i wanted to go back. :)

alright, enough. i'm going to get soda.

woo-hoo

2007-05-06T17:40:00.000-05:00

we're almost unpacked..its only been like 2 weeks since we closed ;)
anyway, i realize that when i started this, we were moving to kokomo. it was 2004, shrek 2 ws in theatres and i was working a bizillion hours a week at the theatre. since then--we're moved 4 times, and everything in our lives has changed, including the addition of our cat that summer of 2004. shrek 3 starts in 2 weeks, and i will again be working a bizillion hours...the good news is i don't have to rely on it.
scott and i both work days and like the jobs that we currently have. i still have a lot to do to finish getting unpacked...but right now, i want some doritos. so i think i will go to the gas station, and then do some unpacking until cold case at 8.
thats one thing that's changed...before we moved to kokomo..i was not a tv addict. now i totally am. thats ok though. as long as i've got time for it.

finals, and whatnot

2007-04-18T16:01:00.000-05:00

im supposed ot be on my way to a home visit. im going ot be late because im putting up the pictures from finals. it was an amazing time, and i love the k3 hammers!

i have a lot to write about, since its been a month, but im not in the mood currently. oh yeah, and due to quizzer pressure, i know have a facebook. go me.

late march

2007-03-23T23:52:00.000-05:00

if i didn't have stupid dial-up i would post more i promise (not that im not praising Jesus for the dial-up...its just...yeah).

right now, im at naomi's house and she and scott are watching a movie called Jesus camp--its pretty...strange. im not real sure. andy is in michigan.

we have teenage mutant ninja turtles at the meadowview..so its busy...and its super fun.

I've joined a Bible study with some girls from church...its been terrific. its relaxing to not have to be in charge and to be able to talk about Jesus. I've never really had a group of primarily christian friends. i mean, yes-i've had christian friends...and there was that time at olivet...but i mean in real life...its just kinda cool to see other people honestly trying to get closer to Jesus.

i worked at the paramount one week. WOW.

we put a bid in on another house...the other one had super termites and whatnot..so we decided to start over. so yeah. i'll keep you posted, one way or the other.

congrats to all the pregnant folks, engaged folks and otherwise.
congrats to naomi and myself for not being pregnant.

now the movie is over and we're having a deep discussion. by deep, i mean, they are discussing and i am interjecting with my random blog comments instead of talking about the actual movie. Personally--i got more out of Saved! but seriously--that mandy moore can act.

my job has been crazy stressful, but thats the nature of child welfare..i just wish i could get things back to a little calmer...ya know...and go to quiz practice instead of doing paperwork until 8 pm. i did get to have lunch with some of the lutheran folks on thursday when i had to attend a termination hearing in danville..which is part of why i was stressed...because i had so much to do this week.

Are you serious?

2007-02-05T22:56:00.000-06:00

So I totally didn't post the ENTIRE month of January. The sadder part of that being that I don't have any excuse..except of course the dial-up. So here's whats happening in my life (if anyone in existence still reads blogs, as I refuse to put whole posts up on myspace because its a cluttery jumbly mess).

New Years Eve-went to Mel's for a bit, then andy and naomi's it was ok. pretty mellow way to welcome in 2007.

Rachel and joel arrived January...3rd I think. So that was some fun times. We almost bought this house in kankakee while they were here, but it didnt work out.

The district gameworks lock-in was Jan 5-6 and it was a pretty good time. I rode up and back with our youth pastor and the youth pastor at college church, and it was pretty good times...it was funny when they tried to include me :) Also, I became the district NYI secretary, primarily because i crave organization

Then we went to St. Louis (straight from the lock-in--which has been a trend!) and hung out with scotts family. it was good times. we went out for chinese on saturday, and then went to the mall with rachel and joel. we went to sunday school and church with scotts family, and then over to Erica and Chris' house for presents. It was fun. They had kittens, but we couldn't get them home to keep. Then we went to the old spaghetti factory for lunch, then to see Evan, Liz and Merideth...then home.

Rachel and Joel stayed until thursday, so there were other good times playing games and hanging out. i miss those kids.

Umm..then it was the district quiz...Lydia reynolds came, so that was good times-- but things were quite disorganized, which stressed me out early on...and the first time we ran a quiz without Bill there for support..but it got better (we had Barry after all!). then we went for chinese with college church, naperville, and danville and the ottingers too!

umm...then we had a weekend off--two in fact...but we were still busy with church (i was teaching 1st grade for january on wednesdays) and i had to work late quite a few days. and scott started playing frisbee in the mornings again.

THEN WE FOUND A HOUSE--a way better house than the one we found in early january. If I haven't told you that yet--you need to know. We're buying a house in Bradley--we're closing officially the 28th..and planning on moving March 11, so you should help us. we'll buy dinner. Thats really the biggest news.

Then this girl scott works with talked to her Bible study, and they're going to help me go to the womens retreat in shaumburg the weekend of my birthday. then my family will celebrate when i get home on sunday.

then the next weekend is girl weekend in OHIO...so that's good times too (but i'll probably be really anxious about not being at my new house getting it ready to move in).

Last weekend we helped Melanie move into her very own apartment which was fun and tiring all at the same time, primarily because everything happens at once for us.
Scott had gotten tickets to 12 angry men for christmas from my mom, and so we went to the city to see the play, did a little shopping, and then returned to melanies, had dinner with ryan, john, melanie and aidan, then back to melanies for more cleaning, unpacking and building ikea furniture. overall, it was a good time. sunday naomi and melanie went with me to the superbowl party at church, which was umm..kinda boring, but i think everyone had a pretty good time, and naomi and melanie got to talk a lot..and that made me happy :)

i think thats it. its a really long post, and i promise i'll try to do better!

Happy Holidays.

2006-12-27T22:52:00.000-06:00

Hey everybody. I just want you to know that we have an AMAZING GOD. And I'm never thankful enough. I hope everyone had a wonderful christmas and is looking forward to the coming new year!

quiz practice.

2006-11-29T17:44:00.000-06:00

i'm supposed to be at practice right now--scott is there, and the kids are getting ready for st. louis..so its kind of an important practice. but today at work, things were kinda stressful. im used to moving fast--thats what i learned casework was all about...but everyone at work is a little older, and used to moving much slower..which is amazing since they used to have 3 times the caseloads we have now. how did they do it? who knows. but its frustrating when there are lots of things going on, and everything moves slowly. sometimes maybe life moves too fast. there are so many things i could post about--but my husband brought me home donuts last night-and thats enough.

i listened to part of a david crowder interview today as part of the 20 days of world changers thingy...and he's just really cool. i love that the band still makes every effort to get home for sunday services at their home church-because its a priority. i feel like so many people aren't committed to their priorities anymore--and they get shoved aside when things get busy. like friendship. or writing a book. or taking time to retreat, or time for family. for example--i need to go to practice..because its a priority--beyond a committment. i love those students. they're funny, and amazing, and well...they brighten my week. but i just didnt want to go into practice with the frustration of my day. so now, im going to go. and hopefully they'll play some crowder on my way across town!

NYWC

2006-11-19T10:03:00.000-06:00

well, im here at the national youth workers convention. its funny how some of the greatest friends i have i only see once a year. its so good to be among friends, and enjoying time with God. It's like camp--and going home depresses me. Glenn said he can't contract karen and me at the price we want..so i guess home is where we have to go-but not until tuesday. this week is so long..and so tiring, and in all of that, its energizing. its so cool to be a part of all of this. i love it.

we're in the general session right now, listening to the skit guys. jars of clay just got done playing, and soon it will be starfield. right now, im glad the store is in the general session. tonite, during the toby mac concert, i wont be so happy-but thats alright. i probably should go do the returns while the store is more empty. hope all is well with everyone!

thanks for all the get well wishes.

2006-10-30T23:59:00.000-06:00

just kidding. i totally wasn't sick or anything. just wishing i was like ferris bueller. man, that guy had some fun. i suppose that there's a lot to enter, and actually owe it to you, my viewers to update more frequently or to add things of substance when i do get around to the occasional update. so lets see...

we're moved into the parents house, with walls and everything, and that seems to be going alright. im glad for my parents allowing us to be here for a few months. although they did tell me about a house for sale in chebanse, so perhaps they're ready to be rid of us already (probably more rid of the constant ins and outs at random times of the day).

I finally got a job...at Catholic Charities in kankakee. I actually got the call the day I posted last and was getting ready to mail in some stuff to LSSI, and was told by the guy at catholic that he wanted to interview me right away, in hopes of not having to interview anyone else if i was interested. so i just finally started late last week--after getting through the paperwork and whatnot. im going to be doing a program called FAMILY FIRST which works with families in crisis so that their children aren't placed in foster care. im only doing it until january (probably) at which time i will return to regular foster care. which is fine too. the environment is really really different that LSSI, but so far, i like it.

I made valeries dessert chips, and mom and i stayed up chatting until 1 am on friday night/saturday morning...so that was good times

im going to michigan this weekend with the K3 Hammers and it'll be the first time we get to wear our shirts...probably. so thats FUN.

I think thats the big news. Scott still needs lots of prayers to get a day job. that would make life fantastic.

and now, just for paul: *moviegoer tip of the day* When you walk into a theatre on a saturday night, and notice no other customers in the lobby, PLEASE do not make a funny joke about attendance. The employees are already worried that if business doesn't pick up, they won't have jobs, and your comments only hurt their feelings. Smile, order politely, go sit down. That works every time, and no one gets hurt.
oh YEAH...CARDINALS WIN!! CARDINALS WIN!! WORLD SERIES CHAMPS 2006!!

yay

2006-10-12T22:07:00.000-05:00

so, i'm paying my bills...

2006-10-10T13:27:00.000-05:00

So, I'm paying my bills and i totally freak out because I have two or three bills left and ZERO dollars. So we call the bank, and figure its time to get that money we left behind in rantoul...and it's WAY WAY more than I thought it was, so Praise Jesus...we have plenty of money to pay our bills and get some medium drinks at mcdonalds (its monopoly season people!)

In other news, Scott's workin full time at Rubys, and i'm workin at meadowview. It's temporary until we can find day jobs, but while its nice being on the same schedule, it isn't nice to have to take off days without pay...but we'll get by...i interviews at LSSI in Joliet today to work at their senior residence center as an activity coordinator--and it sounds like a cool job, so i hope i get it...but i am worried that i won't EVER see scott if i work 8-5 and he works 5-1. See the problem?? yeah. We're working on it. It's all gonna be alright.

In still other news, sometimes following Jesus is stupid. It's ok to say that because Jesus understands. Sometimes you have to do crazy things you wouldn't ever dream of doing-- just for Jesus. Yeah, its frustrating at times, but it's worth it--everyday.

The Youthworker convention is in ONE month. That's exciting. I hope zondervan didn't do anything crazy.

the second regular quiz of the season is this saturday...im excited. not as excited as last time, but way more prepared :) i even have 4 or 5 quizzers going..so thats cool too.

scott took back harvest moon. i had been playing it faithfully (like any good farm girl) and thats one of the reasons for the delay in posting. The other would be the dial-up and the crazy schedules.

moving day.

2006-09-19T15:39:00.000-05:00

last week was the district leadership conference, so we got to hang out with steve and bill and some other cool people-including kent-which was awesome since he will be at a different NYWC this year than us. We also got to learn some things about quizzing, which is always good. and eat dinner with the other quiz directors from our region...which was really helpful.

then we went to st. louis-ish, to see rachel and joel and make preparations for scotts sisters wedding. that was more than interesting, but overall, a good time.

well folks. we're officially moving again tomorrow. still no jobs. but i work at the meadowview all weekend. so thats fun. we have lots of packing still to do. our hope is that we can get all the furniture and whatnot moved, and if we have to leave behind a few things, we can finish up the moving on thursday afternoon or whatever.

In other news: we had 19 teams at the quiz on saturday!! any of you who know anything about quizzing on our district knows what a big deal this is--we're super excited for this quiz year! Yay to Jesus :) personally--the K3 hammers (named during the quiz) were 4th, and grace was 3rd individually. we had a super good time. sunday was the afterglow and i got to hang out with caley and baby peyton. so that was fun times as well.

we've been babysitting julia the past few days, which has been fun, but definately slowed the packing process down. silly babies needing attention :)

well, its back to packin for me. Hope things are going well with everyone.

maryland.

2006-09-02T22:17:00.000-05:00

so, thats where many of you hope we might be moving.

nope. we're moving to chebanse, and staying with my family for a bit. our hope is to buy a house sometime in the near future (within 6-8 months) and perhaps have a small one.

of course, we would love for everyone to pray super hard. We still don't have jobs.
Now, we can get really low paying jobs to get by with-we've always got Ruby's and the Theatre... but not if we want to get a house, or even rent something.

so yeah. prayer is appreciated. Hope everyone is having a good labor day weekend.

i love my husband.

the august recap...

2006-08-28T19:33:00.000-05:00

FOR THE RECORD: I have tried to post this like 7 times...and every time, it moves my pictures back to the left, even though I've changed it, and the preview shows me the right way. So sorry my post is ugly. I guess you can't always be pretty!

So, I've got no real "end of the month events--
I also have no pictures of Evan's graduation party
But, Quizmania was middle of the month, and it was good fun

And a few weeks before that
we celebrated our 7th anniversary
in St. Louis. Scott's parent's took us to lunch and then we went and
saw the Chihuly glass exhibit at the Botanical Garden

And while we were in St. Louis for our weekend long celebration,
we hung out with Evan and Liz (again no pictures)
and hung out at the city museum
which is like a giant jungle gym/playground

We also went to a Cardinals game because
Scott had gotten tickets for his birthday
to be redeemed on this anniversary trip.

Overall, it looks like it was a pretty good month.
Coming in September: the move, our first district quiz as directors,
District Leadership conference with Bill and Steve,
Erica's wedding, and maybe some other fun stuff.

we're moving.

2006-08-25T20:02:00.000-05:00

of course, this is no suprise. when aren't we moving? anyway-i think we're actually going to get to move on Sept 9. (if we get the basement finished, and our crap packed).

Quizmania went pretty well. I'm excited to see how the year is going to turn out. there's a few pictures on jeremy's site, and all of the pictures are up at the ccdquiz gallery (so visit the website and see em!)

two more weeks at Lutheran. Yay. im sad to be leaving, but since my supervisor drives me up the wall, i can do the same job closer to my family. and thats better for everyone.

oh, we still don't have jobs. we're working on it though.

i think thats about it in the news department.

of course.

2006-08-17T21:23:00.000-05:00

well, quizmania is tomorrow. so of course i am sick. I am currently medicated. it's NICE.

Rest for the weary

2006-08-11T07:36:00.000-05:00

The following is an article written by the late Mike Yaconelli, co-founder of Youth Specialties. It's how It helps when I get tired, and I hope it helps you.

My life at present seems like an impenetrable jungle of responsibilities, a jagged briar patch of relationships, a tangled web of obligations. It feels like I am lost in the darkness of everyone else’s needs, silently pursued by a growing crowd of strangers who crave one more piece of me. Even in the dark, I can feel the penetrating stare of those who don’t know me. Feelings of loss and loneliness dog my steps, and I begin to sag under the weight of it all. Exhausted, weak, confused, I remember the words of Tilden Edwards:

The more that rushes through our minds, the more complicated and anxious life seems. Maybe TV will help settle us down—or the newspaper—or some work—or sex—or a big snack. Less seems to gnaw at us then. Life stays put for a moment. We feel in control again—we’re "doing" something—anything.

The after-effect of the doing leaves us more anxious, but more drugged. We’ve exchanged a gnawing anxiety for a dulled sensibility. Maybe, at least, we can sleep now. We do, on the surface. But not below. Our dreams are troubled. Fragments of life whir round and round without a center. We wake tired, and struggle out for another round.

You and I share such an "underlife." It usually is bearable; it even seems "normal," sometimes out of sheer habit. Sometimes it is even fun. But it is not fulfilling. We are grown for more than that. When this becomes most clear, when the whole daily round feels most wearisome, we hear ourselves crying out...How long will I , must I, tromp through this dense jungle half crazed and blind before the clearing appears?

"Half crazed and blind?" Wait a minute...that sounds like me! And here is the most frightening part—no one knows I’m half crazed and blind! I look normal! The reality is that I not only look normal, I look better than normal. After all, I am a minister, I do talk about God a lot, I appear to everyone around me to be a good person. So I not only look normal, I look better than normal.

But I’m not. I am "tromping" through the years of my life, half crazed and blind, looking for a clearing, longing for a clearing, desperate for a place where life can stay put for a moment.

Apparently (and this should come as no surprise), I have to be half crazed and blind before I am willing to do anything about that which makes my life half crazed and blind. Apparently, I have to experience density before I look for a clearing. I am beginning to understand that life is not so much a search for answers, as it is a search for clearings. Clearings are the required stopping places in our lives when our lives get to be too much.

A clearing is a place of shelter, peace, rest, safety, quiet, and healing. It is a place where you get your bearings, regroup, inspect the damage, fill out the estimate and make the repairs. It is the place where the mid-course corrections are made—where you can change course, even, or start over. A clearing is a place where you can see what you couldn’t see and hear what you couldn’t hear.

Clearings are not optional. They are longings in disguise. They are the required rest stops of life when our exhausted souls run out of steam. A clearing is the only place left to go when the madness of our lives has left our souls dying, hungering, gasping for oxygen and nourishment. If we don’t seek the clearings, then we will be brought to them forcibly in the form of a heart attack, illness, breakdown, anxiety attack, depression and/or loneliness. I am beginning to believe that life is not a search for jungleless existence, but rather a search for a few clearings in the midst of the jungle. Life is not triumph over the jungle, but rather submission to reality that clearings are integral to life in the jungle.

Life requires not only the recognition of the need for clearings, but the humility to look for guides to get us there. Those guides have different names (wife, husband, minister, child, friend, mystic, books, mentor, counselor, dad, mom).

The Christian life is a "tromp." It is a majestic tromp, but a tromp, nonetheless. The Holy Spirit doesn’t bring us to a limousine, it brings us to a clearing.

I didn’t find my first clearing until I was approaching 50, and now, three years later, I have sought out my next clearing. I have sought it out because I had no choice: my anxiety level was dangerously high, my relationships were clearly in jeopardy, and wherever I looked in the aftermath of my life, someone was getting damaged. My friends, my wife, and my children could see what I couldn’t see, and they hemmed me in with the truth so I had no alternative but to desperately find a clearing.

My clearing this time was in the form of a counselor who spent three days taking me through the jungle of my life. (My counselor, by the way, made it very clear that I cannot preach about my experience nor write about it. I have become quite good at writing about clearings rather then experiencing them). I can tell you that my clearing was not all that fun. It was painful exhilaration, though—and in time, I will be ready to cautiously move into the jungle once again.

For now, however, I’m going to hang around the clearing for awhile—maybe even dance around it—just so I can savor what it is like to experience sight and sanity once again.

--Mike Yaconelli

the best thing i read all day.

2006-08-01T21:16:00.000-05:00

So last week...scott got this book-PLAN B FURTHER THOUGHTS ON FAITH and i thought it sounded alright--but more like i have nothing else to read on sunday afternoon so why not? But today, i get up and go to leave for work--and i think i should take that book with me (as i was going to be sitting at mcdonalds supervising visitation for three hours). I had another book already in the car--but something (probably Jesus) suggested this book was to be my reading for the day.

The story is really long, and so I'm not going to post it here--but you should get the book, the author is Anne Lamott (and its on the 3 for 2 table at borders!) and read the story red cords. It really helped me to get this insight into how we are connected, anointed and loved by a crazy wonderful God. It gave me hope, and peace. It also gave me strength and courage. It really affected me.

I hate being jealous. Ask my husband, i'm jealous a lot. whether its because some of our friends have babies, or homes or whatever--i get jealous. Now-we're really happy and we've chosen to live the lives we're living. We opted for doing tons of volunteer work (and missing vacation opportunities to maryland or disney) to do these things--camp, quizzing, youth work--we have to sacrifice--we have to work at jobs that will be flexible enough to allow us to do these things. These jobs will never be high paying jobs. Our hope is that we can have a house and kids, and that we'll get by. We've CHOSEN this life--or this life has chosen us. Either way--i still get jealous. Why can't i have a gym membership? or a huge house in bourbonnais? or get my masters? or work part time so that we can have babies? We've been brainwashed-much like the rest of our culture--we're programmed to keep up. Your best friend just got a new car? well then you should too. It's hard to not want the things that others have. It's hard to make other people understand--we aren't doing these things to appear holy--we really want people to understand this Jesus thing. And to do that--we have to give up some stuff. I've always been kind of materialistic and its hard for me to not have what everyone else has. I want the new house, car, pool, plasma tv, whatever. But more than that, I want to serve Jesus. I was once told that if you're doing something--and it isn't for the glory of God--then you need to evaluate why you do it. I realize not everyone will understand this post. Some folks I'm sure think we're nuts. Thats what Jesus does to people. He makes them do things they never considered doing. I want to give up what we've given up--i've prayed, made that choice--and been happy. i wouldn't give up camp, or quiz events, or youth events, or NYWC for any of the stuff everyone else has. I love seeing and being Jesus. I wish I was better at it. when i get jealous, i feel like a failure. like i shouldn't want all of those other things because i've chosen this life. The cords story reminds me that God has chosen me--just as i am...failure and all. I wouldn't be happy if I gave all those other things up in exchange for a big screen tv, or gym membership, or a fancy car (although the 11 cup holders in the party van give me hope that God loves me!).

Maybe my struggle is wondering--would those other people with all their cool stuff be happy if they gave it up to go to church camp? Or is there a way to have both?

Anyway, thats my struggle of the day. Who knew that loving Jesus is such a struggle sometimes?

i know, i promised pictures.

2006-07-28T00:21:00.000-05:00

Random kids camp pictures = i love camp!!

a good time was had by all.

I really love summer. Here's the pictures that i promised PAUL. They aren't fantastic, but they are my life. let me tell you about how cool God is. Very cool. God's doing some scary cool strange and amazing things with us right now--and it's sad, because i can't talk about it just yet--but please be in prayer that we do what God wants and that everything works out for Jesus.

everyone from chicago central that went to oklahoma..or almost everyone. scott took the picture--and its possible a few parents are
missing.

and then of course, when our C team quizzed our D team..

we also played lots of cards, did a service project and celebrated david's birthday-but im not in the mood for that many pictures. I hope you liked em. Remember to keep Gina in your prayers, Tim's dad (who had surgery) in your prayers, and well-us too--as God decides what He wants us to do-things you wouldn't believe if you knew us-and we aren't sure yet that we believe. Oh, and we're going to Cincinnati in November for the youthworker convention.

GOD IS REAL. HIS WORD IS TRUE. HE IS FAITHFUL TO HIS WORD.
--Broe Davis, sr. high camp July 1997.

prayer equest.

2006-07-27T08:48:00.000-05:00

ok. so theres a million things going on in your life, my life, etc. But this is very very important.

Gina had a stroke last night. She's in the hospital. She can walk and talk, but her left side feels numb. They're keeping her at the hospital until monday. you can click on her to the right--and leave her encouragement. She's had a ton of health problems over the past year and could really use some support. For those of you who don't know Gina, she was rachels roommate for awhile, and attended Olivet. a year and a half ago, her and her husband had a house fire and lost everything. She's only 26, so please if you've got a minute, just pray for her.

waiting for scottie.

2006-07-09T14:35:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm home from GBQ, rachel is showering, and Naomi is still asleep. Scott won't be home until later tonight-he had to stay and help with tear-down.

The week was amazing. I was super frustrated on more than one occasion, but im realizing thats part of being a leader. You just can't make everyone happy. I did feel bad though for Naomi, Rachel and Darren, because on the way home my responsibilities as director had to come first.

I love the teens from our district. I have lots of great stories, but they all won't fit here-and i don't want to select which ones to tell-so someday soon i'll have a picture update.

the month in review:

2006-06-30T21:49:00.000-05:00

Let's start at the end: Today Allison and I spent over an hour covering Justin's cubicle (hes a co-worker who's last day is next week) with Sox and Cardinals papers. He's a big time cubs fan. So it's really funny. and of course, he can't get to his desk. so thats funny too.

EC Camp was right in the middle (well a little towards the end) and it was a fantastic time. This is probably one of my happiest moments--hanging with the boys.

Naomi's wedding began the month--the fantastic road trip with melanie--complete with traffic on INDIANA 10; climax michigan; a giant cow; visiting april and so on. it was a good trip. congrats to andy and naomi.

Yeah. it was a good month. THere were of course some bad times, but who takes pictures of those? We're headed to Oklahoma this week to the General Bible Quiz. It should be good times. And my best friend/sister-in-law will be here in less than 24 hours to travel with us to the quiz. The only sad part is that scott is leaving earlier than me (like 8 hours from now) and we aren't sharing a room-so i won't see him too much. and that makes me so sad. but i guess rooming with rachel is a good idea since i only see her a few times a year and i get to see scott every other day of my life.

sadness

2006-06-27T22:47:00.000-05:00

i've felt sad all night long. There's really no reason for it. Maybe its boredom. Maybe its the lack of tasty food in our house. Maybe its trying to figure out GBQ and kids camp-even though I've already taken a week off this summer. Maybe its not chasing dreams, or settling for less of a life than God has called us to. Maybe its seeing my friends hurting. maybe its not being able to find the perfect song to capture how i feel.

i don't know, but tonight, I am sad.

e c camp...

2006-06-26T17:46:00.000-05:00

camp was really great. better than expected even. We had no major injuries, and good weather *which is probably an ec camp first* i'd post pictures, but i haven't actually taken the time to put them onto the computer yet. maybe some day.

friday night we celebrated scotts birthday with the family. saturday i worked at meadowview then went to ihop with randy, naomi, ryan and scott. sunday we went to church in manteno--then to mongolian buffet *yum* then to the friendship festival where i got the saddest lemon shake-up and my heart was broken, but then i got a caramel bliss slush so that was better. then we watched click-which was better than expected. then we went to my parents, played with the turtles, looked for jason's wallet, then headed home. then we went and saw the break-up (yeah it was movie day) and it was alright too.

today work sucked. mysteriously, my court report that was due friday was never corrected and turned in. hmm....
then scott who loves me so much cashed in all of his two dollar bills and bought me a nintendo ds and the new mario game so that i have something to do on all those long car trips and while im doing visits. it made me super happy. i told him i didnt need it, but he said that he knew i spent my birthday money to get his present, so he wanted to get me something he knew i wanted but would never buy myself *i hate to spend my own money*. so yeah. thats the news. it looks like there might be another storm coming through--which would be awesome...cuz i could play my ds if the power goes out. its charging right now.

have a good week everyone!!

counselors...

2006-06-13T19:50:00.000-05:00

Hey. You should come to EC Camp. You need to be available from Tuesday June 20 (7:00 am) until Friday June 23 (8:00 pm). We need a few more counselors...and you should consider trying it. its good times, and you get a free t-shirt. We also need someone to do crafts all day on friday.

In other news: NYI convention was good times. lots of rain...got to hang out with the youth pastors, and some random teens from all over the place. Scott talked about quizzing, and i think that some new kids will join. we're gonna do some massive recruiting this summer too--it can't hurt.

Quiz practice was alright. A few kids didn't show--so that kind of made things less productive, but oh well. Then the meadowview called...and suprise suprise...i have returned to the theatre world. i worked saturday night and again sunday afternoon. And I'll be helpin out next weekend too. It's always good to stay in touch with those folks..free movies and all.

And Jeremy came down saturday afternoon. we let him quizmaster, and he and scott attended an auction, and we got some coffee. i wish we got to hang out more--cuz he's good people.

Sunday I also started the enormous task of cleaning my parents basement.

Christy came back to work yesterday, so that made me happy. Last night, i slept 14 hours. so that was awesome too!!

congrats Mr. and Mrs. Brodock.

2006-06-04T21:40:00.000-05:00

Well, Naomi and Andy are married. Naomi was freaking beautiful!! I'd put up pictures, but i'm gonna wait a few days. Good times this past week. Got to hang out with rachel and abby, take a super fantastic road trip with melanie and had all kinds of adventures...hung out with april...there were lots of good times.

I wish scottie could have come. I missed him on this trip. the reynolds clan are like extended family to him, so he was sad to not be able to go either. stupid jobs.

saw my cousin seth for a few minutes at my parents today--picked cherries with my mom. hung out with my grandma.

im happy for old friends.

a few happy things

2006-05-27T21:09:00.000-05:00

Happy thing number 1: talking all the time with leah :)
Happy thing number 2: spending next weekend at april's
Happy thing number 3: road trip with melanie
Happy thing number 4: naomi's wedding
Happy thing number 5: Jeremy visiting tomorrow
Happy thing number 6: i've been drinking at least 28 oz. water daily
(this does not make me feel any better, but its good?)

I think that's it for now. Oh, and my husband is amazing.

yuck.

2006-05-20T18:58:00.000-05:00

i feel miserable and depressed. and there is absolutely no reason for it. at all. that makes me feel even worse.

Regionals update.

2006-05-18T08:23:00.000-05:00

So, we were 8th as a quiz team and 7th overall as a district. My how the mighty have fallen. We'll come back full force next year. We had a blast hanging out with the quizzers. Sunday we painted grandma marge's trailer. We stayed from Wed-Mon with Grandma schriefer, so that was nice too-we didnt see too much of her--but more than normal. I also hung out with my mom some, and thats always a good time. We are in the process of planning for next year's quiz season because we have to get a calendar turned in to NYI by the 1st so it can be published for distribution at convention. I think it's gonna be a great time. We're also finishing up this year collecting final payments and health forms for our trip to Oklahoma this summer. Good times.

Thats the news. I gotta go to work.

stress management

2006-05-07T22:09:00.000-05:00

Ok. Anyone who knows me, knows I am not an organized person. Well...not when it comes to my own life. When it comes to trips, activities, etc...I CRAVE structure. That's probably why I end up in charge of things so often (at work, i've been put on a committee to help plan retreat)....

Anyway, TODAY--SUNDAY-Our current district quiz director calls to inform us that he isn't going to be able to make celebrate life. TODAY. Celebrate life starts thursday morning-EARLY. I then find out that our team, our kids, etc...are not yet registered for said event. So, i'm a little stressed. as in, I put a lot of stock in structure. More than I care to admit. And I put a lot of stock into group image--our whole district looks bad to the rest of the region because of all of this...so now--not only will i be working super long days to make up for the time I will be at Celebrate life--I have to actually plan how to get the kids registered and there. Nice. It's ok. I'm just frustrated. Celebrate life used to be fun. Like super fun. being a grown up-turning out to be not as fun as once imagined. I guess this will be one of our first acts as directors. Hope it goes well.

ALSO-my supervisor still hasn't given me back service plans for 2 different reviews TOMORROW (being monday). They were supposed to be at DCFS on FRIDAY. Again, not my fault--i've asked her for them several times--and it looks bad on the whole agency, because tomorrow I'm going to walk in without her signature approving my plans. Oh well. It's not like i'll be in any trouble. I just hate that general feeling of not-preparedness.

On a happier note--i got the bad day song from itunes and have gotten all but 3 people pre-registered for GBQ in July. So thats good.

oh no.

2006-04-27T00:14:00.000-05:00

we are home from maryland. but we forgot something. our best friends. no matter how cute we are, we can't convince them to come back to us ;) We did however convince joel to consider disney. this makes me happy. SO VERY VERY HAPPY.

lets see: hung out with erika and her gang on friday-had chinese and played scene it! good times all around.

Saturday: walked around downtown frederick with rachel and abby. and had some ritas. then we got brandon and went with ryan and lexa and baby katrina to this thai place. UMM...my leftovers are still in the fridge at their house. oops. oh. then we finally got to see joel.

Sunday: church, lunch at some cute italian place, frisbee in the park adding simon (and his kids)to our group. back to the house-where ryan and lexa joined us again--we had sandwiches...ryan, simon, scott and joel played settlers. abby, rachel, lexa, brandon (once) and I played scattergories. everyone left-rachel, abby and sara went and got ice cream

Monday: went to DC-holocaust museum. and we rode a pirate ship. then we had EVERYONE over again including Mark and Leah and their two kids...plus Laura (she was sick the day before) and we grilled some tasty stuff. some of the boys played aquire, the girls all hung out. ate more ice cream. chatted with lexa outside for a bit.

Tuesday: Joel left early to head back to work. Rachel, scott and i went to chipotle. then we decided to watch american dreamz! funny show. then we came back home.

I love my husband even though he wouldn't play encore with me in the car. it was fantastic to get to see everyone and all the little kids. thats the trip in a nutshell.

hope everyone else had a great weekend.

broken hearted.

2006-04-19T21:16:00.000-05:00

Allison and I had a fantastic talk tonite. About not being able to be social workers. It's too hard. We both had bad nights which I'm sure was a precipitating factor. But there was no laughter. Generally, we all go out, we laugh and joke about our clients...but the reality is there is nothing funny about hurting kids. We both talked about wanting to be foster parents. And about how that would be super hard too. It's not so much about foster care being hard as it is about the fact that we aren't really helping anyone. The system sucks and the only way to really make a difference is to work the entire time you're not asleep. and you can only sleep for 5 hours. Even then, people have to want to change.

The lesson in all of this: DO NOT HURT CHILDREN.

Or elderly people.

In other much happier news: I'm going to the holocaust museum. In 48 hours, we'll be hangin out and spending the evening with erika. :) Then saturday early we continue our journey to Maryland. And we get to see Rachel and Joel!! and lexa, ryan, katrina, mark, leah, levi, seth, brandon and abby! It's gonna be some fantastic times. We aren't moving there-so everyone can stop thinkin that now-but it will be all kinds of good fun. I miss being with rachel and joel regularly. grilling, staying up all night playing video games, staring at the tv. whatever.

Last nite, I hung out with melanie and aidan. we went and saw the meadowview crew, and then met megan and ryan for some loco. It was good times. as it normally is.

i guess thats it. I'm gonna go make some dinner.

cell phones.

2006-04-14T18:03:00.000-05:00

Christy is in the hospital again. This is the most important news I have to report on. Please pray for her, tim and baby julia that this problem gets solved.

The following is just a random rant.

ok. so i sit here at my computer--knowing i should be cleaning the house (because we are piggies) and hating technology (i know-im blogging). Cell phones are stupid. Cell phone companies are even stupider. I just want everyone to know that July 2007 is when my sprint contract expires. and i will be getting a new provider unless they get their act together. Not that i need a new provider. 8 years ago, if you wanted to find me, you left a message at my dorm. now-God bless the cell phone industry-you can call me anywhere.

At the theatres--when people actually turn their phones off--the second the lights come up and the credits start, 50 cell phones pop out--what if i missed an important call? im guilty. but that doesn't mean i dont think its stupid. i understand that there are some advantages...like real emergencies.

And cell phones make people rude. like, when they're in the check out line, and instead of hanging up and talking to the cashier-you just keep chatting away, holding up the line, and then get disgusted at the poor minimum wage employee that is waiting for you to get off the phone and pay. Why can't you just swipe your card without ever talking to the cashier?

HANG UP.

i'm on call. so im sitting at home alone all of easter weekend. and im pretty much just crabby about my cell phone company. so im gonna go clean a LITTLE, watch some tv, and wait for naomi to come home.

WE HAVE BABIES!!

2006-04-10T21:09:00.000-05:00

Melanie: Thursday afternoon: Aidan Christopher
9lbs 10oz, maybe 22in.

Christy: Sunday afternoon: Julia Hayli
8 lbs 4 oz, about 21in.

Congrats to the new mommies!!

no babies, dang.

2006-04-04T22:25:00.000-05:00

Well, here's the news. Melanie and christy neither one have given birth. Both of them are now officially past the due date. Hopefully this weekend, I'll be able to meet one if not both babies. and someone else i know (not me) is pregnant.

joel makes me cry. disney is SUPPOSED to be a family affair. we'll see what can be done. sigh.

went to kankakee on saturday--helped set up my brother in the spare room where he will be living the next two months until his leg heals. then i went to dinner and hung out with megan. it was way fun.

Alicia was in town monday--i got to meet the very very handsome jacob (i didnt get pictures as i forgot my camera) and then alicia became deathly ill--like passed out ill, and after being joined by megan, and then taking megan back to her car, and getting her to the interstate, alicia and her dad headed to kankakee. then i met up with megan at my house and we chatted some more. good times.

today i was crazy tired, and couldn't figure out why since i slept in to make up for staying up late. hmm...

i think that there might have been more to say but maybe not. maybe if i wanted to pour out my soul, but the publicness of this forum seems not the best place.

3 weeks until we get to see rachel and joel. unless of course i decide that going to say, idaho or some other random place would be more fun. its a good thing i love rachel. :)

nichole nordeman, a long time ago.

2006-03-30T23:26:00.000-06:00

it was some good music. and now its a tribute to a good friend. who i get to see for the first time in 3 years next week. i'm pretty excited.

Do I dare even wear what I was thinkin' of
My true colors bleeding on my sleeve?
Do I chance the romance that I've been dreamin' of
Instead of wishing for it quietly?

Always at a distance, I wish you'd safely stayed
Despite my resistance, you sought me anyway

Gone are the days Of All that I was afraid of
I've left behind the traces of who i've been
No longer able to wrestle with this Angel
And the Closer you get, I can let you love me

I had found it was easier to dance around
the edges of who I could be
If I chose to expose what grows deep down
Would you still desire what you see?

No more self-rejection no longer paralyzed
This holy perfection is me inside your eyes

Gone are the days Of All that I was afraid of
I've left behind the traces of who i've been
No longer able to wrestle with this Angel
And the Closer you get, I can let you love me

Never mind this mirror hanging on the wall
Cause I could not pretend to be the fairest of them all
took a hammer to the glass
To shatter all the pieces, The pieces of my past

moon monkey...

2006-03-30T00:50:00.000-06:00

sometimes you just have to have fun. schedule a vacation. plan a trip.
a morf llac enohp a semitemos .efil yojne
friend can change your whole outlook. my brother had surgery today.
.rennid ot su koot osla stnerap looc yaw ym ,tluser a sa tub .enif yllatot s'eh
then we hung out with ryan. once in awhile its cool to believe
.evol hgih roinuj ni

Do you think its true that the reason you dislike things in others is because you see them in yourself? think about it.